Watched this last night, i was prepared for something bad, but this is on a completely new level of bad. There isn't a single good thing to say about this movie, other than, it is maybe an excellent lesson in how not to make a movie. What really amazes me about rubbish like this, is that someone must actually throw money at it to get it made, a classic case of more money than sense or a tax fiddle. I suppose one purpose of something this bad is that it gets people talking about it, hence my review/warning. Honestly, this isn't worth your time, i would stay well away, unless of course you like to watch a movie open mouth and constantly asking why, yeah we did ha ha.
126 Reviews
We drilled too deep
Coventry15 October 2012
If you're an avid horror fanatic, yet you haven't got any cinematic or technical background, and you (together with a group of friends perhaps) watch a lot of terribly cheap and lame B-movies from within your lazy couch, then inevitably there will come a certain moment when you think to yourself: "I could make a much better and cooler movie myself
." Now, it's tremendously important that thoughts like these remain just thought and they cannot be processed further into concrete projects! Because if you do start to gather all your friends, family members and neighbors to film your allegedly kick-ass horror movie idea, we get crap like "Jurassic Shark"... I'm 100% convinced that director Brett Kelly and his mates were full of good intentions, and that they're actually a fun bunch to hang out with, but they simply don't have a clue about how to make a halfway decent movie. "Jurassic Shark" is amateurish rubbish of the worst possible kind and, sorry to put it this bluntly, but absolutely nobody is interested in seeing this guff. Brett Kelly probably thinks of himself that he's a movie prodigy, and his friends and family are likely too polite to tell it straight to his face, but any objective viewer will relentlessly bash his effort. When a large company drills for oil in a touristy lake, they accidentally drill too deep. That particular piece of dialog – "We drilled too deep" – gets repeated approximately a dozen times throughout the movie. So, just so you know, they drill too deep and hereby awaken a Megalodon shark that has actually been extinct for more than 200 million years. So, suddenly we have a 52ft shark (!) that is still in perfect shape despite being stuck underneath the lake's bottom for a gazillion of years, swimming around in a moderately sized pond. Brilliant! The only people courageous enough to face the critter are three hot chicks in colorful bikinis, but first they have to battle against a handful of idiotic crooks that lost their stolen painting in the lake. Don't ask
What we have? Well, let's see
atrocious acting, for starters. The performances are literally so terrible that you wished you could pull these people through the TV-screen and smack their faces. Particularly the female "gang" leader and the steroids fitness Vin Diesel copycat (who's, for some strange reason, an expert in the field of sharks and the Pleistocene era) are utmost annoying. Is it necessary that I add the special effects are the most pathetic I've ever witnessed. They vary from non-existent (people supposedly being eaten by the shark without the water surface even moving an inch) to seriously retarded computer engineered experiments. The shark constantly changes in size and at a certain point it even learns to fly and pick off people that are safely standing ashore. Some of my fellow reviewers pointed out that the effects were seemingly designed on a so-called "Etch-a-Sketch". I can't put it any better than this
I could also go on mentioning little imbecilic aspects, but "Jurassic Shark" already wasted enough of my (not-so) precious time, so behold my final statement: people with the intention to make such movies ought to be protected against themselves.
Golden Turkey Time
prtraulsen24 July 2012
I was going to review this with all caps but ..... Don't Waste Your Time With This One. I've watched 1000's of movies and only a few have I quit watching before the end. This one is at the top of that list. Wooden acting? ... more like cement. Special effects? .... better ones could have been produced using MSPaint. Continuity? .... none that I could discern. Script and story? .... nope, didn't see any. I HAD to give it a 1 simply because there is no 0.
I have to admit that the actresses were pleasant to look at and did appear to be putting a genuine effort into their work. If this was a first film-making attempt I would be tempted to give this one a C+ for enthusiasm.
Don't waste your time. Rent Plan Nine from Outer Space instead.
I have to admit that the actresses were pleasant to look at and did appear to be putting a genuine effort into their work. If this was a first film-making attempt I would be tempted to give this one a C+ for enthusiasm.
Don't waste your time. Rent Plan Nine from Outer Space instead.
Seen better on an Etch-a-Sketch
cromwell31622 July 2012
This is perhaps the most appalling piece of art (lol) ever committed to celluloid, the acting, if you can call it that, consists of inane lines punctuated by silence while the mannequin imitating cast catch up and spout their increasingly dire reply.
The editing is a case history in how modern technology can be abused to turn a screenplay into a horror story (not for the content of the movie but for anyone viewing it who has in their life time graduated beyond watching a spinning toy above a child's cot (crib)).
From the total lack of acting skills this "thing" seems to be a product of someone who found a camera, asked a couple of friends to join in and then put together a script while eating at Chucky Cheese (or equivalent).
If those responsible ever read these reviews in future if your intending to make another movie, assuming you are not now working in a mall or a drive-thru, try to ensure the lighting is balanced, it looked like Jill (?) was having a torch shone in her eyes in the boat, and for the two girls at the start there is no need to have them splashing water at each other for 20 minutes and generally if your going to film in a stairwell again at least balance the light.
If you have nothing better to do for an hour or so (I am only 25 minutes in but stopped to write this )it is highly recommended as it truly has to be seen to be believed.
The editing is a case history in how modern technology can be abused to turn a screenplay into a horror story (not for the content of the movie but for anyone viewing it who has in their life time graduated beyond watching a spinning toy above a child's cot (crib)).
From the total lack of acting skills this "thing" seems to be a product of someone who found a camera, asked a couple of friends to join in and then put together a script while eating at Chucky Cheese (or equivalent).
If those responsible ever read these reviews in future if your intending to make another movie, assuming you are not now working in a mall or a drive-thru, try to ensure the lighting is balanced, it looked like Jill (?) was having a torch shone in her eyes in the boat, and for the two girls at the start there is no need to have them splashing water at each other for 20 minutes and generally if your going to film in a stairwell again at least balance the light.
If you have nothing better to do for an hour or so (I am only 25 minutes in but stopped to write this )it is highly recommended as it truly has to be seen to be believed.
This film has it all--horrible acting, terrible CGI, inept direction and a worthless script!
planktonrules5 January 2016
Sometimes it's unfortunate that IMDb won't allow a reviewer to give a score lower than 1, as a few films are so utterly crappy that a 1 seems way too generous...such is my feeling towards "Attack of the Jurassic Shark". This film appears inept in just about every way, with amateurish and often annoying acting, incompetent direction, some of the worst CGI I've ever seen (a small plastic shark being moved about by hand wouldn't have been much worse) and a script that is just plain stupid.
The film is set on a small island owned by a company. It's restricted so, of course, lots of young people keep appearing there! First, there are the two hot idiots at the beginning of the film, then a group of idiots led by an artistic and really angry dominatrix who is up to something and then a group of really young and stupid folks led by a girl who wants to do an exposé and impress her teacher (how cute!). Each is simply shark-fodder and although they are now SAFELY ON THE ISLAND, they still manage to get eaten! And much of the time they argue...much like you'd expect 13 year-olds to argue. In fact, they argue and whine and spout so much insipid dialog that the audience is praying they get eaten...and fast!
The bottom line is that this shark movie is so bad, so stupid and so inept that I could only see someone watching this film with some friends so they can laugh at the awfulness of the production. There is nothing positive I can say about this very stupid film.
The film is set on a small island owned by a company. It's restricted so, of course, lots of young people keep appearing there! First, there are the two hot idiots at the beginning of the film, then a group of idiots led by an artistic and really angry dominatrix who is up to something and then a group of really young and stupid folks led by a girl who wants to do an exposé and impress her teacher (how cute!). Each is simply shark-fodder and although they are now SAFELY ON THE ISLAND, they still manage to get eaten! And much of the time they argue...much like you'd expect 13 year-olds to argue. In fact, they argue and whine and spout so much insipid dialog that the audience is praying they get eaten...and fast!
The bottom line is that this shark movie is so bad, so stupid and so inept that I could only see someone watching this film with some friends so they can laugh at the awfulness of the production. There is nothing positive I can say about this very stupid film.
God help us all
kevintempel4 November 2012
God help us all if this is the coming filmmakers of the world.
When making a feature movie I would guess talent should also be applied? Anyway...the story is very dodgy, the acting is very bad, and the lightning and sound...is it on the dv-cams own mic it is made? I hope the people in it used at least aliases so they would have a chance in the future.
And the scene is a small lake, that is suppose to have an 16 meters shark?! and of course special effects ain't used at all, we see a great white shark glued in with "photoshop". I give you for the effort, but really...this must be kids that have made, no way in hell it is from even a film school.
I do not know more to say, I guess this will get a razzie award for the worse film ever in history made. Lol.
When making a feature movie I would guess talent should also be applied? Anyway...the story is very dodgy, the acting is very bad, and the lightning and sound...is it on the dv-cams own mic it is made? I hope the people in it used at least aliases so they would have a chance in the future.
And the scene is a small lake, that is suppose to have an 16 meters shark?! and of course special effects ain't used at all, we see a great white shark glued in with "photoshop". I give you for the effort, but really...this must be kids that have made, no way in hell it is from even a film school.
I do not know more to say, I guess this will get a razzie award for the worse film ever in history made. Lol.
The WORST film ever made - FACT !!!
hcjv620 July 2012
Now I have watched 1000's of films over the years and quite a few terrible ones.......but this film takes the biscuit in being bad.
From the first scenes of two girls chatting they use phrases such as 'you spaz' and 'what the f'......I just knew it was going to go downhill from thereon.
Terrible over-the-top acting, poor filming/photography, lame storyline and effects that could have been done using an 'etchasketch' pad !!! To sumarise.......think of the worst film you have ever seen, times it by ten and you are still not even halfway there on how diar this was ! It doesn't even deserve a 1/10..........it makes 'Jaws the revenge' seem like the best shark film ever, if you have seen that you will understand what I mean.
From the first scenes of two girls chatting they use phrases such as 'you spaz' and 'what the f'......I just knew it was going to go downhill from thereon.
Terrible over-the-top acting, poor filming/photography, lame storyline and effects that could have been done using an 'etchasketch' pad !!! To sumarise.......think of the worst film you have ever seen, times it by ten and you are still not even halfway there on how diar this was ! It doesn't even deserve a 1/10..........it makes 'Jaws the revenge' seem like the best shark film ever, if you have seen that you will understand what I mean.
Unbelievable
user-490-13537210 December 2012
After reading the reviews, all of them uniformly condemning the movie as one of the worst films ever, I felt curious. Surely it can't be that bad? Every movie has a saving grace - anything. So I decided to watch at least bits and pieces of it. And, you know what? The reviewers were absolutely right. This movie is so bad, that I find it difficult to believe that anyone could have devoted any time to making it. I mean, had you gathered together a few of your friends and started shooting with your home camcorder at your neighborhood's pond, without any planning or foresight, you would have come up with something better than this piece of garbage. There is absolutely NOTHING about this movie that can be, even remotely, recommended. It's not even in that it's-so-bad-that-it's-good class. If they took it seriously, I feel embarrassed for all those who participated in making this movie - just as I felt embarrassed watching it for, how can anybody make something so entirely devoid of any redeeming qualities?
Am I suppose to take this seriously?
Deliberate_Stranger6 November 2012
Brett Kelly - super cheap director located in Canada with a huge potential to become 'worst director ever born' (nomination for 'Worst movie ever made' is also a must for pretty much every single feature he directs) did it again....I mean seriously? 'Jurassic Shark' (yeah I know it rather wasn't original title and was changed because from the marketing point of view it sounds 'hot') is one of the worst piece of garbage you will ever encounter. It makes Asylum movies look like a spectacular Hollywood blockbusters(but then again Asylum spends at least 50-100k for their movies). Kelly's modus operandi is 'we have a free 10k, let's shoot the movie') and it shows on the screen. Acting was never even remotely close to decent in his movies but with 'Jurassic Shark' it reaches the bottom(or something below bottom if it exists). Two blonde bimbos(not really attractive by any means) sitting in bikini on the beach for the first few minutes of the movie are asking to be bitch-slapped for doing what they are doing(which I don't know what is but not acting, that's for sure) and the director should be mutilated for casting them. As far as the special effects go, there aren't any, but if you are asking about 'horrible special effects wannabes' - yes sir, there are quite a few. From the piece of wood called 'shark' to cgi shark which looks so bad, that I don't even know what can I compare with it? (probably only sand castles build by mentally disabled 5 years old kids). I could go on and on(others did it as I see) but I really have no desire to write any longer about this piece of garbage. There is absolutely nothing good to be said about this movie and even though Brett Kelly did one watchable movie in the past 'Prey for the Beast' (and remember, I said 'watchable' not 'decent') I won't be fooled ever again and won't buy any of his movies again. Let them stay where they belong - in a trash bin.
poor acting, special effects and script.
sagablanc22 July 2012
Poor acting, or lack of acting talent. Every persons in the film seem to lacking live out the roll. A fish-stick had done a better job. The roll gallery is a stereotypic one. The girl useless and can't do anything but being dumb and blond, but the guys have muscles and no brain. The most funniest scene have to be the rowing in the bout. I'm not gone tell why, but make up your own opinion.
It does not help the film that it suffer from a bad script. Poor dialog-lines combines withe terrible acting, constant contradictions makes it irritating to watch.
The special effects are terrible, something you recognize from poor B-films from the 1970 decade + a bit more terrible. The shark is not credible. It's all synthetic in the movements, the size, and it get 100% poorer because of the bad special effects.You know it is a fake.
Skip this film.
It does not help the film that it suffer from a bad script. Poor dialog-lines combines withe terrible acting, constant contradictions makes it irritating to watch.
The special effects are terrible, something you recognize from poor B-films from the 1970 decade + a bit more terrible. The shark is not credible. It's all synthetic in the movements, the size, and it get 100% poorer because of the bad special effects.You know it is a fake.
Skip this film.
Oh dear...
noddi0820 July 2012
Warning: Spoilers
The acting is the first thing that strikes you in this movie. Wooden, isn't the word. It's worse than that. Then there is the special effects. The first time the shark takes a bite and leaps out of the water, it looks like it is made from cardboard.
Seriously, poor poor film. A waste of money.
The facial expressions of the female cast members is as shockingly awful as the tough guys in the film. They so often shake their heads and shrug their shoulders it is predictable in every scene.
Where they walk through the woods - six of them, is so scripted (steady pace girls, don't walk to fast)...
Oh, and I forgot to say, when the beefy guy tells the others it's a Mastodon, its like, soooo coincidental that he happens to know about these sharks. I mean, come on guys...
I wont tell you what happens at the end. You'll never get to it anyway, but you miss nothing by not watching.
Seriously, poor poor film. A waste of money.
The facial expressions of the female cast members is as shockingly awful as the tough guys in the film. They so often shake their heads and shrug their shoulders it is predictable in every scene.
Where they walk through the woods - six of them, is so scripted (steady pace girls, don't walk to fast)...
Oh, and I forgot to say, when the beefy guy tells the others it's a Mastodon, its like, soooo coincidental that he happens to know about these sharks. I mean, come on guys...
I wont tell you what happens at the end. You'll never get to it anyway, but you miss nothing by not watching.
Big Ugly Shark
nogodnomasters29 January 2018
Warning: Spoilers
This campy masterpiece is called "Jurassic Shark" because "Megalodon" was already taken. An oil company doing illegal drilling has drilled too deep and has opened up a pocket. A Megalodon has been released into the lake. Some college girls looking to expose the illegal drilling get trapped on the island in the middle of the lake along with some other bad actors who are art thieves. The bad guys all wear black.
The shark is computer generated and can swim easily in a foot of water and pick off people standing on the beach. The sound track cheaply echoes when they are recording in a hallway. In one scene, one of the bad guys has a girl in front of him in his gun sight when he is hit from behind...and the girl shows up behind him a second later!
The special effects had me laughing out loud at this film that would make Ed Wood proud. The acting and editing were equally horrible.
Parental Guide: F-Bomb, no sex, no nudity. This is a terrible film that I greatly enjoyed because it was so bad. You might find it for free on line. 10 stars for all the wrong reasons.
The shark is computer generated and can swim easily in a foot of water and pick off people standing on the beach. The sound track cheaply echoes when they are recording in a hallway. In one scene, one of the bad guys has a girl in front of him in his gun sight when he is hit from behind...and the girl shows up behind him a second later!
The special effects had me laughing out loud at this film that would make Ed Wood proud. The acting and editing were equally horrible.
Parental Guide: F-Bomb, no sex, no nudity. This is a terrible film that I greatly enjoyed because it was so bad. You might find it for free on line. 10 stars for all the wrong reasons.
Needs to be watched
GeneHunt1214 June 2020
And now there is a prehistoric shark in the lake...
paul_haakonsen20 July 2012
Warning: Spoilers
This movie was meant as a serious movie? But I was laughing a lot throughout the entire feature.
Let's start with the storyline. A company is drilling for oil in a lake, and apparently drilled through a large chunk of ice, releasing a prehistoric shark from within. Yeah, alright, been done before, but sure, why not one more time. Makes for your average run of the mill shark movie, so it works out well enough. But let's back it up a little bit, shall we. They drilled through ice? But the lake apparently wasn't cold water, as people were there swimming and having fun at the beach. It just doesn't make any sense.
A shark was apparently trapped in an air pocket or something inside this ice? Alright, but what has it been eating for, and I quote, 200 million years? And for some reason whenever the shark swam into a boat, it automatically managed to knock all people into the water, and it did this more than once, mind you. But the size of the shark, it was alternating constantly throughout the movie, depending on whether it was actual shark footage or poorly made CGI that was being shown. And I have never seen such a large dorsal fin on a shark before, unless you count the tail fin of a thresher shark into the picture. It was just so out of proportions, but when it was stalking just beneath the surface, it managed to hide this huge fin somehow.
There was so many continuity problems and faults in this movie, that it was actually worth sitting through and watching, because it was so funny. How can anyone seriously not take notice of such things when in the midst of making a movie? Do they simply just believe movie-lovers to be blind to the details in the movies? The criminals who were all knocked over and into the water by the shark, yes, it pulled off this wonderful trick on them as well, well all made it to shore, except for one. But no one was in shock or expressing any type of emotion to watching one of their group being eaten by a shark in a lake, not even the guy's own brother. That was just so epic. I have never seen such a lack of display of emotion anywhere. I will chalk it up to the actors and actress's below average acting performances. And when they were on shore, just out of the water, they were dry to the bone. Hilarious! And the second capsized boat with the youngsters in it, also falling victim to the shark's wonderful trick of getting everyone out at the same time. Well, one of them apparently washed ashore in a lake with no waves (and no currents!), but to make things better, she was quite far up on the land, apparently having been tossed far ashore by the lack of waves. Again, come on director (Brett Kelly) get your head into the game. It was just not believable in any way.
And the water in the lake must have been some kind of special water, because the swimming shark didn't cause any ripples or disturbance of the surface, not even with its dorsal fin protruding up. Nor did, surprisingly enough, exploding dynamite.
It wasn't all bad though. The movie was so cheesy and campy that it was actually fun to watch. And the three youngsters played by Emanuelle Carriere (playing Jill), Christine Emes (playing Tia) and Celine Filion (playing Kristen) actually did some alright acting compared to the other people in the movie.
What was up with the scene where the shark jumped out of water, bit and swallowed the leader of the criminal group and then managed to land back in the water? I had to rewind and watch that twice, because it cracked me up. That scene alone was so hilarious that the movie should be watched for that scene alone.
For a low budget shark movie, then "Jurassic Shark" was actually a rather good production. The cinematography was good and the editing was adequate. The movie just suffered from a bad and implausible storyline, lack of funding and special effects. It is no "Jaws" but it is better than "Super Shark". Thumbs up for the ambition behind this movie project though.
Oh dear God, and the ending to the movie; priceless! Two guys sitting on some rocks at the water, drinking beer talking about one of the guy's stepdaughter and wife, and then says "Even big, ugly things can have offspring". What happens then? Come on, doesn't take much intellect to figure it out. I will not say it, even though it is so painstakingly obvious. Watch the ending, it was so hilarious.
Let's start with the storyline. A company is drilling for oil in a lake, and apparently drilled through a large chunk of ice, releasing a prehistoric shark from within. Yeah, alright, been done before, but sure, why not one more time. Makes for your average run of the mill shark movie, so it works out well enough. But let's back it up a little bit, shall we. They drilled through ice? But the lake apparently wasn't cold water, as people were there swimming and having fun at the beach. It just doesn't make any sense.
A shark was apparently trapped in an air pocket or something inside this ice? Alright, but what has it been eating for, and I quote, 200 million years? And for some reason whenever the shark swam into a boat, it automatically managed to knock all people into the water, and it did this more than once, mind you. But the size of the shark, it was alternating constantly throughout the movie, depending on whether it was actual shark footage or poorly made CGI that was being shown. And I have never seen such a large dorsal fin on a shark before, unless you count the tail fin of a thresher shark into the picture. It was just so out of proportions, but when it was stalking just beneath the surface, it managed to hide this huge fin somehow.
There was so many continuity problems and faults in this movie, that it was actually worth sitting through and watching, because it was so funny. How can anyone seriously not take notice of such things when in the midst of making a movie? Do they simply just believe movie-lovers to be blind to the details in the movies? The criminals who were all knocked over and into the water by the shark, yes, it pulled off this wonderful trick on them as well, well all made it to shore, except for one. But no one was in shock or expressing any type of emotion to watching one of their group being eaten by a shark in a lake, not even the guy's own brother. That was just so epic. I have never seen such a lack of display of emotion anywhere. I will chalk it up to the actors and actress's below average acting performances. And when they were on shore, just out of the water, they were dry to the bone. Hilarious! And the second capsized boat with the youngsters in it, also falling victim to the shark's wonderful trick of getting everyone out at the same time. Well, one of them apparently washed ashore in a lake with no waves (and no currents!), but to make things better, she was quite far up on the land, apparently having been tossed far ashore by the lack of waves. Again, come on director (Brett Kelly) get your head into the game. It was just not believable in any way.
And the water in the lake must have been some kind of special water, because the swimming shark didn't cause any ripples or disturbance of the surface, not even with its dorsal fin protruding up. Nor did, surprisingly enough, exploding dynamite.
It wasn't all bad though. The movie was so cheesy and campy that it was actually fun to watch. And the three youngsters played by Emanuelle Carriere (playing Jill), Christine Emes (playing Tia) and Celine Filion (playing Kristen) actually did some alright acting compared to the other people in the movie.
What was up with the scene where the shark jumped out of water, bit and swallowed the leader of the criminal group and then managed to land back in the water? I had to rewind and watch that twice, because it cracked me up. That scene alone was so hilarious that the movie should be watched for that scene alone.
For a low budget shark movie, then "Jurassic Shark" was actually a rather good production. The cinematography was good and the editing was adequate. The movie just suffered from a bad and implausible storyline, lack of funding and special effects. It is no "Jaws" but it is better than "Super Shark". Thumbs up for the ambition behind this movie project though.
Oh dear God, and the ending to the movie; priceless! Two guys sitting on some rocks at the water, drinking beer talking about one of the guy's stepdaughter and wife, and then says "Even big, ugly things can have offspring". What happens then? Come on, doesn't take much intellect to figure it out. I will not say it, even though it is so painstakingly obvious. Watch the ending, it was so hilarious.
worst flick of 2012
trashgang14 December 2012
I will have to make a statement that I won't regret. This is the worst flick I saw in 2012. The only positive thing it has is that a lot of girls are walking around in Daisy Dukes or bikini's and that's all.
Just watch how this flick starts and you know immediately that this is going to s*ck big times. It's so slow and when one girl is wearing shades and the camera makes a close-up you can spot easily the crew filming. What a big mistake. But that's not the only mistake. Just watch the shark, it's not in any way something prehistoric. Not only that, the shark really is Commodore C64 style. The worst kind of CGI you will ever see. When it attacks it even once just stopped mouth wide open just before he bites. Never seen that coming from a shark. The shark even looks cartoonish.
In fact, everything is bad with this flick, terrible acting, no action, bad CGI shark, bad sound. Even as you might like Z-flicks you never will love this. I can't recommend it for anything or anyone. Maybe when you are p*ssed and proud you may like it...
Gore 0/5 Nudity 0/5 Effects 0/5 Story 1/5 Comedy 0/5
Just watch how this flick starts and you know immediately that this is going to s*ck big times. It's so slow and when one girl is wearing shades and the camera makes a close-up you can spot easily the crew filming. What a big mistake. But that's not the only mistake. Just watch the shark, it's not in any way something prehistoric. Not only that, the shark really is Commodore C64 style. The worst kind of CGI you will ever see. When it attacks it even once just stopped mouth wide open just before he bites. Never seen that coming from a shark. The shark even looks cartoonish.
In fact, everything is bad with this flick, terrible acting, no action, bad CGI shark, bad sound. Even as you might like Z-flicks you never will love this. I can't recommend it for anything or anyone. Maybe when you are p*ssed and proud you may like it...
Gore 0/5 Nudity 0/5 Effects 0/5 Story 1/5 Comedy 0/5
Awful movie ! ! !
senekha-428-49309720 July 2012
Warning: Spoilers
I just watched the first 15 Min. of that movie and instantly thought, what a waste of time ! So I began skipping through it and surprise surprise, it stayed that bad...
The acting is terrible, so is the story and the book. The only two reasons this movie gets a rating of 7.1 is 1. The makers voted by them self 2. Some fans of terrible D - movies voted...
The duration of the movie was about 62 min., low budget o.k. but the summary would be:
A huge waste of time!
I only watched this movie because of its rating, what a disappointment!
The acting is terrible, so is the story and the book. The only two reasons this movie gets a rating of 7.1 is 1. The makers voted by them self 2. Some fans of terrible D - movies voted...
The duration of the movie was about 62 min., low budget o.k. but the summary would be:
A huge waste of time!
I only watched this movie because of its rating, what a disappointment!
Absolutely the worst film I've ever seen.
Rob_Taylor5 November 2012
Warning: Spoilers
I haven't reviewed many bad films lately, so I thought it was time I slummed it a bit. With a name like Jurassic Shark, I couldn't resist this one. Stupid me. I wish I had more willpower.
Without a doubt, this is the most awful movie I think I've ever seen.
Right from the very start I knew it was going to be a turkey, but little did I know a whole Thanksgiving feast awaited me! The opening credits were of exactly the same quality and tempo as to make me think I'd rented a porn film by mistake. Those porn movies that do attempt a thin plot at least have sex and nudity going for them. Jurassic Shark had none of these things.
Instead, it has a total lack of acting ability. Even porn stars act better than these hopeless wannabees. The lines are terrible at the best of times but they are delivered so badly that it's not even funny to watch. It's just cringe-inducingly painful every time someone opens their mouth.
The plot is thinner than a cellophane wrapper, but it is still the best part of the "movie" and that ain't saying much.
If you watch this, and I counsel you NOT to, then wait for the priceless "special" effects involving the shark. It swims! It flies! It gobbles down victims with a noise like someone biting into an apple! It's superimposed, cheap CGI that will never look remotely realistic or convincing. Remember the good old days of movie making? You know, when people knew that they couldn't do something the way they wanted, so they used suggestion and worked the audience's imagination? Thanks to cheap-ass effects of the sort shown here, those days are long gone, friends. Mourn their loss.
Also superimposed are various explosions which look utterly fake.
I'm not sure what was going on here, or even how this movie managed to be included on IMDb. It's like some school project that went horribly wrong. The use of the similar name and font/logo to Jurassic Park is actually somewhat repugnant and I don't understand how people get away with this sort of thing.
If the film was half-way decent, or even funny in a bad movie kind of way, I'd be more inclined to leniency, but it isn't. It is just celluloid/digital garbage trying to cash-in on other movies' successes. The film equivalent of fake Gucci handbags or a Rolex knock-off.
However, cloud - silver-lining etc. At least I now know which names to avoid in future when I'm browsing the shelves.
SUMMARY: The worst "film" I've ever seen. DO NOT BOTHER with it!
Without a doubt, this is the most awful movie I think I've ever seen.
Right from the very start I knew it was going to be a turkey, but little did I know a whole Thanksgiving feast awaited me! The opening credits were of exactly the same quality and tempo as to make me think I'd rented a porn film by mistake. Those porn movies that do attempt a thin plot at least have sex and nudity going for them. Jurassic Shark had none of these things.
Instead, it has a total lack of acting ability. Even porn stars act better than these hopeless wannabees. The lines are terrible at the best of times but they are delivered so badly that it's not even funny to watch. It's just cringe-inducingly painful every time someone opens their mouth.
The plot is thinner than a cellophane wrapper, but it is still the best part of the "movie" and that ain't saying much.
If you watch this, and I counsel you NOT to, then wait for the priceless "special" effects involving the shark. It swims! It flies! It gobbles down victims with a noise like someone biting into an apple! It's superimposed, cheap CGI that will never look remotely realistic or convincing. Remember the good old days of movie making? You know, when people knew that they couldn't do something the way they wanted, so they used suggestion and worked the audience's imagination? Thanks to cheap-ass effects of the sort shown here, those days are long gone, friends. Mourn their loss.
Also superimposed are various explosions which look utterly fake.
I'm not sure what was going on here, or even how this movie managed to be included on IMDb. It's like some school project that went horribly wrong. The use of the similar name and font/logo to Jurassic Park is actually somewhat repugnant and I don't understand how people get away with this sort of thing.
If the film was half-way decent, or even funny in a bad movie kind of way, I'd be more inclined to leniency, but it isn't. It is just celluloid/digital garbage trying to cash-in on other movies' successes. The film equivalent of fake Gucci handbags or a Rolex knock-off.
However, cloud - silver-lining etc. At least I now know which names to avoid in future when I'm browsing the shelves.
SUMMARY: The worst "film" I've ever seen. DO NOT BOTHER with it!
Not again....Wasted bandwidth and HD space
Sultanen4 November 2012
This is not really a movie, or is it ? The way movies are made these days you have to wonder, because this one is just plain wrong, nothing is holding this story together and NO, absolutely no plot. Well then there are always nude girls, no there are not in this one, and makeup is not used, i heard that the budget is 500.000$ but that cant be right ? Scene changes that doesn't match, dialoge that don't add up, gang walks (yesreally) NO NO NO ! Please, director, delete you movie, ban it, tell the"actors" to forget they ever wasted time with this one, and please, don't make movies any more. give the money to people who really need it......Like shark attack victims ?
Worst Film Ever
coldfire_the_great22 July 2012
Warning: Spoilers
I have never seen such terrible acting, logic and effects in a single film in all my years of watching films.
Actors demonstrate apathy over grave situations is just one of the many observations that can easily be noticed.
Camera movements were made to substitute for events; A lot of missing parts, like not being wet and landing far away from the water after being boat wrecked; very little blood after being attacked, and a giant shark able to fly to the shore (and back to the water???), and also being able to attack in shallow water without even disturbing the area (despite its size)... just to name a few flaws.
Bottom line, this takes the cake for being the worst film (of all the thousands)i have seen to date.
Actors demonstrate apathy over grave situations is just one of the many observations that can easily be noticed.
Camera movements were made to substitute for events; A lot of missing parts, like not being wet and landing far away from the water after being boat wrecked; very little blood after being attacked, and a giant shark able to fly to the shore (and back to the water???), and also being able to attack in shallow water without even disturbing the area (despite its size)... just to name a few flaws.
Bottom line, this takes the cake for being the worst film (of all the thousands)i have seen to date.
Even i would be ashamed of this
florian-varga6667 January 2013
A truly terrible film with dire acting and an awful plot. It looks as it has been filmed on the best phone on set. It's basically like a porno without the porn.
As an amateur director, even i would be too ashamed to put this on YouTube, let alone sell it in shops. With cringe factor level 10 and a lot of mistakes they could have fixed i had to give only the 1 star. The audio is poorly recorded, especially in the staircase scene (Why not just use ADR?) and the lighting is absolutely terrible. The worst part about it, is that it could have been fixed in post-production?
This film needs to be deleted on every database and burnt. Nether-the-less i do still recommend it, just so that you can all see what a terrible film looks like.
As an amateur director, even i would be too ashamed to put this on YouTube, let alone sell it in shops. With cringe factor level 10 and a lot of mistakes they could have fixed i had to give only the 1 star. The audio is poorly recorded, especially in the staircase scene (Why not just use ADR?) and the lighting is absolutely terrible. The worst part about it, is that it could have been fixed in post-production?
This film needs to be deleted on every database and burnt. Nether-the-less i do still recommend it, just so that you can all see what a terrible film looks like.
An underrated classic
timo-2810017 July 2017
From creative use of funds to produce spectacular effects that will seriously wow you to a story that has many twists and turns to stellar acting that makes Citizen Kane look like the local Christmas Panto, this movie really has it all.
During my next vacation I am actually planning to visit the location where this movie was shot, just to reminisce and watch the awesome scenery once more.
Shakespearian in its plot, this movie takes you on a journey of awe and suspense.
This is a very underrated cinematic masterpiece directed by Canadian actor Brett Kelly of Bad Santa fame.
During my next vacation I am actually planning to visit the location where this movie was shot, just to reminisce and watch the awesome scenery once more.
Shakespearian in its plot, this movie takes you on a journey of awe and suspense.
This is a very underrated cinematic masterpiece directed by Canadian actor Brett Kelly of Bad Santa fame.
Second worst film of all time
sebpopcorn1 July 2013
An unlikely criminal gang has stolen a painting which subsequently gets lost in the bottom of a lake, chomped by a giant shark and has dynamite thrown at it. It doesn't occur to anyone in this film that the painting might have depreciated in value somewhat with this treatment. That's how good the script is.
The shark attacks all take place in a three foot deep lake while the CGI and stock footage depict a great white in the ocean. We're talking about a movie so cheap it can't afford to rent an office and instead has to depict conversations between the lab worker and his boss and subordinate in a stairwell. You can imagine how good the shark looks. In one scene it looks like they are using a cardboard cutout of a shark but it might just be awful CGI.
Some of the worst bits can't even be blamed on a low budget. In one scene a gunman aims off screen to the left at a girl. Suddenly her friend runs on from the right and clubs him with a branch, but with her is the girl he was aiming at!
At the risk of sounding pedantic the megladon is a creature of the cenozoic period so even the rip-off title doesn't work. Don't waste your time honestly this is not even funny. If it wasn't for the film Zombie Nation this would be my pick for worst film ever made.
The shark attacks all take place in a three foot deep lake while the CGI and stock footage depict a great white in the ocean. We're talking about a movie so cheap it can't afford to rent an office and instead has to depict conversations between the lab worker and his boss and subordinate in a stairwell. You can imagine how good the shark looks. In one scene it looks like they are using a cardboard cutout of a shark but it might just be awful CGI.
Some of the worst bits can't even be blamed on a low budget. In one scene a gunman aims off screen to the left at a girl. Suddenly her friend runs on from the right and clubs him with a branch, but with her is the girl he was aiming at!
At the risk of sounding pedantic the megladon is a creature of the cenozoic period so even the rip-off title doesn't work. Don't waste your time honestly this is not even funny. If it wasn't for the film Zombie Nation this would be my pick for worst film ever made.
A shark tale as old as time...
SeptumSin14 September 2023
Jurassic Shark is a 2012 film directed by Brett Kelly This is about a Megalodon released by a drilling company in a lake, a group of criminals plot to leave, but the shark has other ideas.
The movie is very campy in the typical microbudget way. I do like that they don't waste time getting to the shark munching action with exposition. I admit I only lost attention for a small section or two of the film (which is good considering other shark films).
The acting is...ok. For the budget level this film is in the actors carry the film in an appropriate way. There were no performances that said to me "ugh this is a crappy film".
The CGI for the shark was bad but I've seen much worse. There was a scene where a girl is bitten in half and though it looks fake it also looked a little cool at the same time. To me the set location is cool and somewhat varied. I feel that the effects are appropriate for the microbudget film they are doing. Also that scene with the shark flying through the air is classic cheese.
The Music in this is what you expect from a shark film. The music works but isn't really all that interesting in a stand alone since.
In the end Jurassic Shark is your typical low budget shark film with campy flair that is enjoyable yet at the same time nothing spectacular. If you are a big shark movie fan and love super campy ones you'll not go wrong with this.
The movie is very campy in the typical microbudget way. I do like that they don't waste time getting to the shark munching action with exposition. I admit I only lost attention for a small section or two of the film (which is good considering other shark films).
The acting is...ok. For the budget level this film is in the actors carry the film in an appropriate way. There were no performances that said to me "ugh this is a crappy film".
The CGI for the shark was bad but I've seen much worse. There was a scene where a girl is bitten in half and though it looks fake it also looked a little cool at the same time. To me the set location is cool and somewhat varied. I feel that the effects are appropriate for the microbudget film they are doing. Also that scene with the shark flying through the air is classic cheese.
The Music in this is what you expect from a shark film. The music works but isn't really all that interesting in a stand alone since.
In the end Jurassic Shark is your typical low budget shark film with campy flair that is enjoyable yet at the same time nothing spectacular. If you are a big shark movie fan and love super campy ones you'll not go wrong with this.
Diabolical!
Jlw18101995-699-37338514 November 2013
Warning: Spoilers
So...seriously, where do I start? The dreadful acting, poor camera angles, bad lighting, lengthened scenes. Nothing in this film deserves any praise, because I cannot recall a suspenseful moment, and that is extremely bad for a film which somehow lasts 90 minutes. For starters, the two blonde bimbos at the beginning, go into the water, but just splash around pointlessly like two kids in a public swimming pool. Then the director Brett Kelly wants us to believe that the two blondes, who are extremely close to the shore, get eaten by sharks. A shark would never swim that close to the shore line (common sense needed!) The rest of the film was painfully similar, and even with a low budget, it could have been a lot better. One point of redemption is that the film is vaguely laughable in parts, but again this is not because of humorous lines but because of bad acting, so the funny parts were unintentional. The music was also a little predictable, but at least it was generally in time with occurrences in the film. Despite knowing it had a poor rating, I was still shocked by how bad it was. I'd advise you not to watch it, for your own sanity.
I was warned, now I warn you....
Laura_Elizabeth216 March 2015
I have only myself to blame for the 75 minutes of my life I wasted watching this 'movie'. Upon first opening the DVD case I found that ominously, a previous person to have watched this, had felt compelled to handwrite a review & leave it inside as a warning to any potential future viewers. This synopsis advised of the film's poor content but against my better judgement, I decided to watch it anyway.
First off, the positives; *some* of the actors do try to make themselves believable as human beings. That's where the positives end.
I guess you can only work with what you've got though, and what they have is a tedious and far-fetched script (even for a film of this genre), a flimsy plot & a cheap set (one scene is set in an actual stairwell). Add to that the shark 'effects' & the whole thing just makes you feel sorry for anyone who has their name attached to it.
It is laugh-out-loud funny at times although this is obviously not their intention. Watch at your own peril!
First off, the positives; *some* of the actors do try to make themselves believable as human beings. That's where the positives end.
I guess you can only work with what you've got though, and what they have is a tedious and far-fetched script (even for a film of this genre), a flimsy plot & a cheap set (one scene is set in an actual stairwell). Add to that the shark 'effects' & the whole thing just makes you feel sorry for anyone who has their name attached to it.
It is laugh-out-loud funny at times although this is obviously not their intention. Watch at your own peril!
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