Call the Midwife (TV Series)
The Browne Incident (2012)
Miranda Hart: Chummy Browne
Quotes
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Mrs. Fraser : Everything in order nurse?
Chummy Browne : It would seem, Betty, as though your baby is presenting in the breech position.
Betty Smith : You what?
Chummy Browne : It's coming out arse-first.
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Jenny Lee : You can ride a bike?
Chummy Browne : I can ride a horse. That can't be so very different, surely.
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Chummy Browne : You put a nip of something in it!
Fred : Army trick.
Chummy Browne : Before going into battle?
Fred : Before going into the other ranks' latrines.
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[Chummy Browne, a tall, gawky, clumsy midwife, has just arrived at the convent]
Sister Evangelina : Ah, Camilla Fortescue-Cholmeley-Browne?
Chummy Browne : I generally answer to "Chummy." My pa used to say "Long dogs need short names."
Sister Evangelina : Follow me. And mind your head. I understand you qualified by a whisker, Nurse Fortescue-Cholmeley-Browne.
Chummy Browne : I did pass. It was a bit of a scrape. Before that I was nursing for five years.
[Sister Evangelina brings out box containing a midwife's standard kit]
Sister Evangelina : Do you need me to go through this piece by piece?
Chummy Browne : Not remotely.
[Chummy looks in the box]
Chummy Browne : What's that?
Sister Evangelina : It's an enema nozzle.
Chummy Browne : It's made of glass.
Sister Evangelina : Do you break things?
Chummy Browne : No.
Sister Evangelina : And are all your dresses pink?
Chummy Browne : I do have another - in eau-de-nil.
Sister Evangelina : [ironically] I bet you look a picture in that, too.
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Chummy Browne : Do you suppose this is how fighter pilots felt waiting for the call to fly?
Fred : I dunno. I was an Army man myself. Pioneer Corps.
Chummy Browne : Gosh. One of the glamor boys?
Fred : Well, I specialized in lavatories. It's a myth that an army marches on its stomach. What a fighting man needs is a top-notch khazi.