Holliston (TV Series)

Laura's Little Twitter (2012)

Joe Lynch: Joe

Photos 

Quotes 

• Joe : Gustavo may not be Greg Nicotero but he'll be just fine.

  Adam : You know, I've actually heard that Greg Nicotero suffers from the same multiple personality disorder as your little buddy Gustavo. In fact, when they were shooting The Walking Dead, Nicotero thought he was a real zombie and he bit Frank Darabont which is what caused him to leave the show.

  Joe : Seriously?

  Adam : No. But I'll tell you what, J.J. McClure. If your little Savini goes all Captain Chaos on me, I quit!

  Joe : That's a lot of references.

  Adam : Thank you.

• Joe : I transferred all of the Halloweens except for the one with Busta Whatshisnuts.

  Adam : Trick or Treat, Muthaf - are you eating my last Butterfinger?

• Joe : I don't think I need to own every movie from a slasher franchise on DVD if I think some of them are so bad that I'll never actually watch them.

  Adam : Well you can't call yourself a Pumpkinhead fan if you don't even own Pumpkinhead 2 Blood Wings.

  Joe : There was a sequel?

  Adam : There were three sequels. Where were you?

  Joe : Were they any good?

  Adam : They were... movies.

• Adam : Your wugget is showing.

  Laura : My what?

  Joe : You have zebra loaf.

  Corri : You can see the bald man in the boat.

  Adam : You're displaying a package of pink Thin Mints.

  Laura : What are you guys talking about?

  Adam : Meat curtains.

  Joe : Ham wallet.

  Adam : Lars Ulrich's knees.

  Joe : Hairy Potter?

  Adam : E.T.'s feet?

  Corri : OK, honey? You have camel toe in this picture.

  Laura : No I d - oh my God. You can see the outline of my Sy Snootles!

  Adam : Well, on the bright side at least you can't see the rest of the Max Rebo band, right? I mean... your cervix isn't showing.

• Joe : Well if you're gonna be the worst you might as well win at it.

• Lance Rockett : The lady from regional is coming down at five o'clock today and I've got to show her a good commercial. Think! What do we have?

  Joe : What about the one from Ashland House of Pizza that Adam just finished?

  Lance Rockett : The one with the talking gerbil?

  Adam : "Our pizza is the cheesiest!"

  Lance Rockett : Too weird. I don't even wanna know where you guys found a talking gerbil in the first place. But that was a good impression of him, Adam.

• Adam : Joe, we're in a barn. Did you notice that? This is a barn.

  Joe : Uh, a lot of awesome things happen in barns. Jesus was born in a barn.

  Adam : That was a manger.

  Joe : See? Already a step up!

• Joe : I'm Joe and this is Adam. We spoke to a Gustavo earlier about doing effects for a project we're doing called Shinpads.

  Gustavo : Shinpads?

  Adam : Shinpads. It's the undead soccer team movie with bite. It's about a team of Mexican soccer players who get massacred but then they come back like a decade later to seek revenge.

  Gustavo : Why?

  Adam : Because they were murdered by their own coach.

  Gustavo : No, I mean, why are you making that?

• Gustavo : Do you wanna see something awesome?

  Joe : Yeah.

  Gustavo : [Holding out his phone]  Checkout the mooseknuckle on this chick's Twitter picture.

  Joe : Awesome.

• Gustavo : You've come to the right place. For two hundred dollars I give you something on par with Dawn of Dead.

  Joe : Dawn of the Dead!

  Adam : Wait. The Romero one or the remake?

  Gustavo : [Clutching his chest]  Ah! They remake Dawn of Dead?

  Joe : Yeah, a couple years ago.

  Gustavo : Where was Gustavo? This horrible! Next you know they remake The Thing and try to say it's prequel!

• Gustavo : Will there be girls?

  Joe : There will be girls, sure.

  Gustavo : Will there be girls... like this?

  [Holds out his phone to Joe's face] 

  Gustavo : Look down. You can see Alice Cooper's neck.

  Joe : Yeah. I've seen it. Many times.

• Joe : I don't want to sound insensitive, but maybe this is a good thing.

  Laura : How?

  Joe : Well, when we finish our Shinpads trailer you can twitter it out to all of those people!

  Laura : Wow. I didn't realize what a good thing this was for ME!

• Corri : Here's the deal. I'm not showing anything below the waist and if you have my boobs on camera than you can't show my face in the shot.

  Joe : Now, why would we need your face if we already have your boobs?

• Corri : I'm gonna be doing this as part of an acting role. That Twitter photo is just a slutty cry for attention.

  [to Laura] 

  Corri : No offense.

  Laura : Well, you'll be acting in a schlocky trailer for a B-horror film that will probably never even get made.

  [to Adam] 

  Laura : No offense.

  Adam : You know what? It's still better than giving fourteen thousand strangers a free glimpse inside the Predator's mouth.

  [to Laura] 

  Adam : No offense.

  Joe : I have chlamydia.

• Joe : You're talking to the guy who's girlfriend showed the entire Twitterverse her sideways Big Mac.

• Joe : Dude, no one is gonna know that is was her, OK? I wish I could say the same about Laura and her twitter photo of Greedo's lips.

• Joe : Now what we're going for here is total seventies style.

  Corri : You should have told me that before I shaved.

  Joe : Actually what I meant was less camera moves and more zooms.

• Corri : Joe talked me out of it. He said he didn't think those were the right reasons and that I might regret it later in life.

  Joe : That... and she has weird nipple placement.

  Corri : I do not!

  Joe : Kidding!

  [Then, behind her back, mouthing "I'm not!"] 

• Lance Rockett : Good evening, Holliston!

  Joe : Hey, Boss. Hey, how did it go with the lady from regional?

  Lance Rockett : It was awesome! You should have seen me work this chick over. I was like White Lion on the Mane Attraction Tour.

• Lance Rockett : I'm late for my meeting with Robin Lixx and Tracii Pistolz for this week's cock rock marathon! Up all night...

  Joe : ...Sleep all day?

  Lance Rockett : That's right! Fly to the angels, Bitches!

• Joe : Many of you out there have heard Adam and I talk about our own upcoming splatterfest... Shinpads!

  Adam : When they score... you die.