- Butters Stotch: My weiner is all stiff and pointy!
- [after waking up and calling out to his dad]
- Stephen Stotch: Oh! Well, Butters, that's just the friendly compass; see, when ever you have friends in the area, you're little compass there tells you where they are. It's pointing up because Jesus is your friend.
- Butters Stotch: Thanks, dad.
- Butters Stotch: Boy, this is why I just don't get football and suck at it.
- Stan Marsh: You don't suck at football, Butters, you suck at all sports.
- Butters Stotch: That's true! Why Eric tells me I should work at a Thai' massage parlor I'm so good at sucking.
- Eric Cartman: That's right, Butters.
- Stephen Stotch: [livid] And you can just sit here in your room and think about what you've done! Just because people try and make football a little safer by changing a kick off rule, doesn't mean you need take it to "oh why don't we just drink each other's cum?" Sarcasm like that is homophobic, chauvinistic and completely lacking in maturity! Any questions?
- Butters Stotch: [ingenuously bewildered] What's sarcasm and what's cum?
- Stephen Stotch: [stern] We'll talk about that when you're older.
- Butters Stotch: Everyone has a creamy filling, Eric. And some people have so much of that filling that it comes out sometimes.
- Jim Rome: How about last night's nail biter that ended zero to zero. That's a game I want to watch twice. That's a game I want to watch 4 times. Check that, I'll watch that game 5 times.
- Jim Rome: Butter's Creamy Goo is chock full of all the essentials an athlete needs: Commitment! Compassion! and Comradery!