Inara, the Jungle Girl (2012) User Reviews

Makes "Gigli" look like "Citizen Kane"

[MJDMLQ · 1/10 · 19 April 2012]

What was the point of this movie? Why did they waste film making it? Why did I actually watch the entire thing when I should have turned it off after thirty seconds?

To put it mildly, this movie lacks a plausible story, lacks any sense of meaningful dialogue, and does not have one character with any shred of passable acting ability. The characters are miscast, to say the least: Since when are midriff t-shirts and belly button rings standard Army issue? The Amazons, themselves, look like they would not last one day in "The Rainforest Cafe" let alone an Amazonian jungle. It is also comforting to know that there is no shortage of hair, make-up, or hygiene products in the Amazon. If your next plane trip crash lands in the Jungle,you may die from dehydration or disease, but you will certainly always look your best.

This flick takes "bad film making" from the gutter and pulls it down into the sewer. "Inara" is a complete waste of time....an exploitation film at it's absolute lowest. I could have made a better movie about cutting my toenails using an iPhone camera that would have more drama than this trash.

Exploitation? Well, maybe ...

[cyndycooper42-790-288027 · 1/10 · 13 September 2013]

Well, let's face it, you're not going to be expecting scintillating performances or a gripping plot from an exploitation movie, but ... the first third of the movie consists mostly of montages of random city scenes and Inara brooding over lousy music. The writer doesn't seem to understand how paramilitary forces work. The "battle of the sexes" framing fails completely because the evil paramilitary organization contains female soldiers. The "big twist" is telegraphed so heavily that until the "reveal" I didn't realize it was supposed to be a surprise.

There would normally be a big dose of uncomfortable "primitive savages have no hope until a white person comes to lead them" racism (spoiler? kinda, though it was so predictable it almost doesn't count as one) but since the Amazons are more diverse than a Benetton ad it fails even at being offensive.

The actresses are from a wrestling promotion, but at least professional wrestlers chew the scenery entertainingly; these actresses seem to be competing for best impression of a Disney animatronic -- the only competent actor is the little girl. Everyone else is on a binary toggle switch between "I'm angry because I'm shouting" and "this is boring, when can I go home?"

Even putting all that aside and looking purely at the eye candy ... this doesn't even work as exploitation. There is no nudity, no T&A closeups, no sexy poses. There are plenty of skimpy swimsuits, but not any different than you'd see at the average beach. They managed to write a movie about an isolated all-female tribe without the slightest implication of homosexuality. I go into an exploitation movie expecting to feel half titillated and half outraged, and I spent this one all bored.

If you have a specific thing for seeing thin, small-breasted, heavily made-up women with bare backs photographed from behind there may be something here for you.

Hard on the Eyes

[magnus780-819-686862 · 1/10 · 1 July 2015]

I tried to watch this movie and keep an open mind but for a low budget B Movie they didn't leave anything to the imagination - story was choppy, actors were rushed and possessed no emotion or credibility. I can honestly say this is one of the worst movies I have ever viewed - I have seen home made YouTuber videos that blow this out of the water. I wish I could at least say that the scantly clad girls were worth some stars but they were horrible actresses/models who where stiff and would be better played on Silent Hill as the bandaged nurses. Anyway to each their own...stay clear of this eye sore of a movie as there are far better movies out there with much better storyline, actors, directors, writers, and editors. I would be embarrassed to say I worked on this movies or put it on a resume.

Cult Film Hell and the Odd Charisma of Cali Danger

[gulag · 2/10 · 8 August 2014]

I've been interested in the bizarre 'Jungle Girl' genre lately. So I bought Inara as one of the more recent examples. I generally don't go out of my way to write a review on every film I've seen. Yet this film compelled me to do so.

Where to begin? Some folks are just going to say this a badly made film. That's both understatement and a bit too harsh. Obviously on some level this was a labor of love. And it seems to have been made by rather timid fanboys. They seemed completely amazed to get to lens skimpily attired women and have absolutely no idea what to do next.

The story? Girl discovers she an Amazon queen after living a pointless life in the 'real' world. There is a little room for a good story here. But very little room.

The plot? Now we know how many holes it takes to fill the Albert Hall. It's astounding how often you just ask yourself "Why is this happening?' 'How could that happen?' Why does Inara wear hyper sexy clothes as part of her paramilitary unit. Why does the plane crash? Why do the women all wear Maybelline eyeshadow in the jungle? Why is there no nudity yet so much suggestion of titillation? And even finally how could Inara remember her mother when she was still in swaddling cloths? And I could list inconsistencies all night long. Or just plain puzzles: Where do these women come from? Why are they all around the same age? Why are they so ethnically diverse? Why do they speak another language? And then they can also speak English? Do they reproduce? And how is it that they all went to yoga class together in the jungle? Also we needed acres of exposition to grasp what in the world we were watching and we didn't get it. Except in one scene where a senior officer is explaining something for far too long.

Acting? The little girl did a little of it. After that? Wow. Someone mentioned that they used a bunch of female wrestlers. called Ring Divas. I can believe it. Where did they get those names? Cali Danger. Destiny Dumon. Empress Sayuri. Now dear Cali could actually turn into an actress. There is something fascinating about her. But in order to do that she's really going to need help from the director, she didn't get any here.

Directing? When? It's curious that with all of the DVD commentaries and special features these days that this director seems to have actually absorbed very little about the craft of directing. Scenes go on interminably without a drop of tension or interest. The final battle seems to have been run through once hastily. And why didn't these machine gun toting mercs just blast away? Why did they fight them with machetes? Okay so let's say you do have a final hand to hand battle, I don't remember seeing a drop of blood. And what was the point of the whole film? Was it a vaguely politically correct jungle movie about female empowerment? Since when are jungle movies ever politically correct? That's the reason they are interesting.

Now apart from the bad directing, acting, music (don't even get me started) etc there were a couple of good points. First of all occasionally the cinematography was good. In fact it made the women stand out in the lush greens and nighttime shots. It's a shame they didn't have anything to do. Also Cali Danger may not be much of an actress yet. Nevertheless she has some odd charisma, she needs to find a better project. Evidently this film was conceived and shot in North Carolina. Two cheers for the regional filmmaking and marketing. And they have marketed their little film with more moxy than went into the actual filming.

And finally I believe that in ten to twenty years from now this film will be a cult film of the so-bad-it's-funny category. I found myself hollering at the screen, something I rarely do. And I can imagine that in some strange way this film will have a weird life of its own.

Perhaps one day someone will make a serious Jungle Girl movie? It hasn't happened yet.

Lmfao

[wrightiswright · 1/10 · 3 September 2015]

The Internet acronym LMFAO = Laughing my ****ing a**e off. What I did throughout most of whatever the hell this is.

On some sort of primitive Amazonian island, where the cut off inhabitants can still apparently have access to breast augmentation, tattoos, bikinis and metal weapons, a baby is found by an errant wanderer. Flash forward 18 years, and said kid has been raised in mainstream society. She can somehow beat up four blokes twice her size even while drunk, and is the victim of two tiresome montages featuring a couple of the worst songs I've ever heard.

Wait, it gets better. She's invited along on an army expedition on the same isle she was discovered on (this is just a coincidence, by the way) and en route, the helicopter crashes. Problem is... We never SEE the collision, just a flash of white light. Obviously a victim of the high-end budget. As the only survivor, she is swiftly abducted by the resident female warriors, where she is almost immediately recognised (don't ask how) as their missing child from almost two decades ago, and consequently made queen.

Why does she accept all this so quickly? Why is she ready to give up on her old life just like THAT? How do this band of ladies procreate with no men around? Believe me, this is NOT a film to be asking questions. By doing so, you're likely end up in a straitjacket... This truly is a movie where the concept ( a bunch of Playboy rejects bounce around in minimal clothing for just over an hour) seems to have originated long before the script.

But WHAT script? This crap could have been made up on the spot. And that goes for the music too, which seems to have been put together by tone death monkeys on kazoos. The attempts at drama are so beyond parody, it's amazing the camera doesn't shake with laughter from the director at the pathetic pouting they call performing. In fact, I'm surprised ANYONE involved in the... Thing... could keep a straight face. Perhaps they were all on something, at the time of production (actually, that would explain a LOT).

I end with talking about the final 'battle', an exercise in such dismal amateurishness that it had me in absolute hysterics. These bimbettes take on a small army of trained soldiers in their swimsuits, in what must be the most horribly choreographed fight scene I've watched. The weapons NEVER make contact. A small tap sends a 6ft tall bloke hurtling through the air. We don't see anyone die... And yet, there are graves galore at the end.

If I handed out points for unintentional hilarity, this would comfortably be the best comedy I've seen this year. Alas, I do not. 0/10

Best thing was the candid footage running with the end credits

[Talos63 · 1/10 · 3 July 2015]

I can't believe I actually sat through the whole movie! I could forgive just about everything that is wrong with this film (there's a lot wrong, believe me) if it was a college project or a home-grown piece of fun that a bunch of friends got together to make. But, as a commercial release, a viewing audience is far less tolerant.

The pacing, mostly a result of really bad editing, barely gets past a crawl. Long, drawn out and repetitive shots abound, trying to make the most of the female eye candy on screen. All it succeeded in doing is boring me to death. Even with a bevy of quite attractive women, you need at least some acting chops to carry the story, as vapid as it is. Oh, here's a hint girls, acting angry does not mean you yell your lines unintelligibly straight at the camera...

Fight choreography was non-existent. The final battle was completely laughable, stealing beats from 'Avatar' in the lead up to it. A group of bikini clad women sporting cast off swords and shields from '300' up against a bunch of mercenary grunts three times their size and armed to the teeth just looked like a bad joke, one which the director unbelievably followed through with.

I would have given away the idea of watching it at all if I hadn't been laughing so hard. This is a film that will likely not even see the discount bins at any reputable store. Definitely one to avoid.

Where is the plot?

[mattdecunha · 4/10 · 18 July 2015]

So the good points.

The cinematography is good great camera angles and well lit locations. the music/score is actually really good if a little cheesy in places but it's a lot better than most b movies.

That being said the script and acting render this film almost unwatchable.

the fight scenes are really clunky and awkward.

There doesn't seem to be a plot or reason to anything just a series of scene changes

There's some hot girls not wearing much but don't expect to much.

An okay film with flaws

[Killa42 · 5/10 · 19 April 2014]

For one, it's not the fact that the main character played by "Cali Danger" beats up 3-guys larger than her at the beginning that I found unbelievable. 3-soldiers attacked this gorgeous woman in an alleyway, this, I took issue with.

Any person can win any fight. One's ability in battle has nothing to do with what's in your pants. Someday, everyone will realize this. But no soldier, let alone 3 would attack an unarmed drunken woman in an alleyway to fistfight her, rape her--possible and unfortunate, still believable! The rest of the movie plays off that first scene, ('tough women' fight). Only, it's with model-looking jungle girls and the main one.

If you can get over the factor mentioned above, you might like this film, despite the b-movie-rate acting (which I enjoy for laughs).

If you think women are inferior in battle, I disagree with you and know you're wrong, but you also won't like this movie at all.

Only good thing here is - Hot chicks

[vibhansh · 1/10 · 14 September 2020]

Only watch this movie if you are in it for the hot chicks (let's be honest, you wouldn't be here for any other reason) and even after all the pleasing hot girls, you might still want to blow your brains out. No story whatsoever. No explanation why her father died, neither does she ever find out which was the only reason she went to the jungle. No explanation how a small fight in a plane could lead to a crash (with no wreckage). No reason why soldiers flaunting rifles throughout the movie in slow-mo suddenly throw their guns away and take out machetes when the girls confront them. FFS so stupid writers. The only reason why I would even give this 1 star is again -- because of the hot girls.

Was pretty good if taken in context

[gamagoatx6 · 8/10 · 2 September 2013]

In fact, I kicked up my rating one full point just for Cali Danger. I can see why the producers fell in love with her and built a vehicle for her. If I had the resources, I sure would have made a fool of myself over her at a different point in my life, absolutely. Not sure if that's supposed to be her stripper name or something, but she is superb and really, really easy on the eyes.

Oh, the movie. Right. It did lack a little cohesion, but I got that they were inspired by a "Kill Bill" - esque feel most notably in the opening sequence, but then they seem to have forgotten about it pretty quickly as the movie morphed into something else. To be frank, I would have been happy with 84 minutes of Cali posing, goofing around and delivering some monologues. She's just stunning.

I think the best way to describe this film is lots of pretty girls, one smoking-hot, all-American, red-haired beauty and some vague plot devices that add up to a movie that is more compelling than literally hundreds of Hollywood crowd-pleasers that I couldn't stomach if they paid *me* 12 bucks, a large Diet Coke, and a box of Jordan almonds to watch more than 15 seconds of such as any Will Smith movie, any Morgan Freeman movie, any Ben Affleck movie, any Denzel Washington movie or any Jim Belushi movie, just to name a few off the top of my head.

In summary, sure, it's lame, but you could do worse and it doesn't preach or try to deliver a social message and the girls are total babes.

eye candy, nothing more...

[jimmbkd · 6/10 · 13 December 2012]

The bad parts of this movie are so bad, they're beyond laughable... as if a guy trying to slap a girl around in the hold of a C-19 would cause the four engine transport to crash! I could go on... the fight scenes were terrible, 'specially since this flick was made by an all girls wrestling video company. Screenplay was horrible, spent a full half hour letting the heroine brood over her 'father' dying with virtually no dialog, which was better, now that I think about it, than the dialog that we finally heard. The military aspects of this movie were so bad, you wish they had hired some out-of-work vet, even a Coast Guard vet, to consult... The good parts, however were excellent. First, the girls, then the costumes, then the girls, then the cinematography, then the girls, then the dancing, then the girls, then the music, then the girls. Every movie has a place, a purpose, a use. I recommend this movie to an after-the-rugby match beer blast, a frat party where someone forgot to invite the sororities, or... if you have a pesky girlfriend you want to get rid of, a date night movie.

B movie fun

[dflint-20-477957 · 7/10 · 13 February 2015]

A friend recommended this movie and while I was very skeptical, I gave it a try.

I was thoroughly entertained by this film that I would describe as proudly uneven.

The acting was often poor, but at other times showed great promise of some young performers. Solaris (the translator) and the precocious little girl filled the screen with their energy.

The story, direction, and editing were also mixed, but tolerable given the unique opportunity to see these young actors cutting their teeth in this industry. There is something special about watching early efforts of promising stars. I look forward to watching this again in 10 years and picking out the actors that have become big names!

"Enjoyable in some ways"

[simon-trek · 7/10 · 2 March 2014]

This film tells the story of a military girl named Inara, whose soldier father dies after a failed mission on a remote island called N'iah. The military is interested in the island because it has resources such as oil and metals. Inara hoping to learn more about her father, joins another mission to N'iah. The military plane crashes on the island and Inara is apparently the only survivor. Inara finds that the island is inhabited by a tribe of Amazon warriors. Inara is at first treated as an enemy, but eventually Inara and the Amazons learn that she has a special connection to the tribe. So Inara joins the tribe and helps them fight the military invaders.

Now I admit this movie doesn't have much depth and the acting in this film isn't brilliant. Inara's military uniform includes a crop top and the Amazons wear only leather bikinis so this movie has a lot of sex appeal.

But there are several things I like about this movie apart from all the girls in bikinis. Inara is a troubled young woman who is as strong as she is pretty. She also has difficulty fitting in as she is disliked by the other soldiers in the military. When Inara meets the Amazons, she ends up finding a lot more than just the truth about her father. She also finds herself and her true destiny. I liked the scene where Inara makes a speech to the Amazons. It reminds me a lot of the speech Jake Sully made to the Na'vi in the Avatar movie. So in a way this movie has a similar theme to Avatar. One of my favourite and one of the biggest scenes in this film is the battle between the Amazons and the soldiers. Although the Amazons are primitive and use only swords and shields to fight the soldiers, they are able to win the battle.

So this film is enjoyable in some ways and I recommend it.

I Wanna See, I Wanna See, OK, I have been warned by the reviews

[RavenGlamDVDCollector · 6/10 · 30 April 2014]

I'm rating the trailer. I've never seen this movie, and expert importers can't find any trace of it. Being RavenGlamDVDCollector@gmail here at ElectricLadyLand, I am of course interested in it. I Googled AMAZONIA and found the trailer, and was, of course, mesmerized by all these young actresses clearly-heading-for-the- red-carpets of Oscar night after this gloriously green jungle has been so tantalizingly decorated with their tanned, lithe, curvy, half- naked bodies, slurp, yummy, (drool). Sigh. Emphasis on the sigh.

My quest for this one differs from almost all the rest. This is a 2012 item and therefore still relatively new. Somewhere there must be people who would make a bundle out of a proper DVD release. I am not sure if such a release ever took place. Kindly inform me, fellow perverts!

Hell, as long as there are girls running around looking like SHEENA, I'd be chasing after the DVD, and wincing about the bad acting/wasted plot line afterward. I'd have to go search on the Takealot and WantItAll sites again, but up till earlier this year, there was no luck.

Addendum, still 30 April. Writing this review brought me luck, as I found the DVD offered on WantItAll immediately after submitting my sorry-ass review that was just a way of scouting for assistance from IMDb. It is hellishly expensive being from WantItAll imported through Amazon, but that's how it is. Will get to it later and will then review it a whole lot better. All these guys dissing it though, they knew perfectly damn well what they were getting into. You don't expect Meryl Streep in these kind of movies, so don't complain afterward. I was surprised to learn here that there is no nudity involved though, and did find that particular review helpful, and voted as such. I'll let this bit of wreckage keep floating about as a monument to an almost year-long search. Earlier today when I saw that pic on the site, I figured that looks like a DVD release, and shouldn't have even bothered here, but let it stand. Ah, now if only the Mighty Dollar will come down a bit and make my purchase easier. Oh, I hear you Americans laughing gleefully...

And, oh yeah, a man is a fool. And girls make even bigger fools of us. But a lot of fun could be had. But sometimes, some men go too far while having fun by themselves in front of the screen (hinting now at darkly embarrassing sordid activities us menfolk are prone to), and then there's a bit of a messy accident, and they then don't own up to the fun they had, you just get sour reviews written a bit later... :)

Addendum, 11 January 2015. Finally watched it. Movie is quite disappointing. Had it lived up to its trailer, but no... It seems everything good about the flick Went into the trailer. You need nothing more! Or, okay, there was a total vision as a back-up dancer in the fireside scene. She has the lithest body on film! She looks like the wind in the willows! Wow! But no speaking part. Cast looks like Fox Force Fifteen. Cali Danger is somebody to watch. But the only actress in the movie was the little girl who got shot for all her trouble. The picture has no audience involvement, we do not care about the characters. But I suspected as much and knew what I was letting myself in for, but the real disappointment was that the glamor itself wasn't anything more than that already seen in the trailer.

To the reviewer from Alaska: It is also not explained why Inara is such a tough little bird. That punch in her stomach, that kick by one of the girls...