- Harry Vanderspeigle: Humans do not realize what crop circles really are - alien emojis. The complex circle on the right stands for my middle finger.
- Asta Twelvetrees: Harry, it's human nature to care about your offspring.
- Harry Vanderspeigle: It is human nature, not alien nature. We do not care if our children die as long as they die in a ditch and not in the road, where they will make it bumpy for our vehicles.
- Grey Alien: You are wrong! It is not the Alpha-Draconians here on Earth! And please stop sending them messages! We don't need those idiots down here!
- Harry Vanderspeigle: You are the Grays. What are you doing here? The Grays have never cared about the Earth.
- Grey Alien: Oh, Myyyy! You are SO stupid!
- Harry Vanderspeigle: When you say Oh, My, does that mean...... ..my...?
- Grey Alien: Not yours. There is an "Oh" in it!
- Harry Vanderspeigle: Oh...... .yours.
- Grey Alien: Oh, Myyyy.
- Harry Vanderspeigle: Oh, My.
- Grey Alien: Oh, My!
- Harry Vanderspeigle: Is this a Gray saying?
- Grey Alien: It is an expression. Like Wow! and Holy Shit!
- Harry Vanderspeigle: Why do you move so much when you say it?
- Grey Alien: Because I'm freezing my Gray dick off!
- Harry Vanderspeigle: Oh my.
- Asta Twelvetrees: What the hell! Were you just picking my nose?
- Harry Vanderspeigle: Alpha Draconians, their nostrils are pleasure zones. So if you were an Alpha Draconian, then you would have liked that!
- Asta Twelvetrees: Well, I didn't like it, and if you do it again, I will break your finger.
- Harry Vanderspeigle: Obviously, you are a human, so you passed!
- Deputy Liv Baker: You never said it was private.
- Sheriff Mike Thompson: Everything I say to you is private. If I noticed you were on fire and I told you, I'd expect you to keep it to yourself.
- Deputy Liv Baker: But, then I'd die.
- Sheriff Mike Thompson: You'd die with honor!
- Max Hawthorne: You're afraid to be happy.
- Sheriff Mike Thompson: That don't make sense! I'm already happy; I'm the happiest person I know! I'm so happy, all day long I whistle "Hallelujah" out of the crack of my ass!
- Deputy Liv Baker: I've never heard that. Deputy Fred once did a fart that sounded like the opening chord of "A Hard Day's Night" though.
- [Harry is pretending to be enthused by the skiing event.]
- Harry Vanderspeigle: I'm very interested in sports. Go team! High fives! Keep your eyes on your balls.
- Max Hawthorne: You're not supposed to shame the patient.
- Sheriff Mike Thompson: Look, I told all the nurses they could shame and degrade you if it keeps you alive.
- Harry Vanderspeigle: I have to urinate.
- D'Arcy Bloom: [in a robot voice] I need to urinate.
- [back to her regular voice]
- D'Arcy Bloom: Why do you sound like C3PO? Just say you have to pee.
- Harry Vanderspeigle: I have to pee... 3PO.