- Jim Halpert: I've spent so much of my life telling myself 'Please, don't end up like Stanley.' And now I'm wondering if I even have what it takes.
- Jim Halpert: I am on the two-kid sleep schedule so I'm up and at 'em at four fifteen, but no kids, so I honestly didn't know what to do with myself, and then I thought of something. Uh-
- [hears door, hides]
- Dwight Schrute: Heeeere's Dwi- what the-?
- [sees trashed room]
- Dwight Schrute: Oh man.
- Erin Hannon: What do you think happened?
- Dwight Schrute: Looks like Jim got mixed up with some bad apples.
- [sees "IT WAS DWIGHT" written in lipstick on the door]
- Dwight Schrute: Oh no, no, no, no. It wasn't me.
- [sees "Luwanda at The Alcohol Club" written in lipstick on a door]
- Dwight Schrute: I gotta find Luwanda at The Alcohol Club. Oh.
- [Jim falls out of the closet. Erin and Dwight scream]
- Dwight Schrute: Anderson's three pillars of retail. Crucial. So important. Next. Are there any questions?
- Nellie Bertram: What are the three pillars of retail?
- Erin Hannon: [whispers] Convenience.
- Dwight Schrute: Ingredients.
- Erin Hannon: Service.
- Dwight Schrute: Burgers.
- Erin Hannon: Building loyalty.
- Dwight Schrute: Killing royalty. The truth be told, we should really disregard Anderson's three pillars. He was later diagnosed with dementia.
- Todd Packer: Yeah, Dwight and Jim tried to get me fired, but I landed on my feet down here in Florida. You see, this cat's got nine lives and a nine inch...
- Dwight Schrute: Philip, if you're hearing this memo, that can only mean one thing, I am dead. You are the rightful heir to Schrute Farms. Please, you must do one thing: Kill Mose before he kills you.
- Nellie Bertram: Expecting a man as your Special Projects Manager? A man with a huge whopping penis? No, sorry to disappoint but I am not that person. Think of my brain as the huge whopping penis. So stop staring at my breasts - and start staring at my penis!
- Dwight Schrute: I need to make Nellie see me as a leader today. First impressions get locked in forever. When I first met Pam, she said something that slightly rubbed me the wrong way. Since then I've loved working with Pam, and she's frankly wonderful, but I hate her.