Modern Family (TV Series)

Aunt Mommy (2012)

Jesse Tyler Ferguson: Mitchell Pritchett

Quotes 

• Cameron Tucker : I'm playing a new drinking game. It's called "Every time I'm depressed, I take a drink."

  Mitchell Pritchett : That game exists. It's called alcoholism.

• Phil Dunphy : [Walks in to Haley and Alex scrubbing the kitchen]  Whoa. What's all this?

  Haley Dunphy : Mom heard us say we were bored.

  Phil Dunphy : Suckers.

  Alex Dunphy : She heard us from *outside*!

  Haley Dunphy : She has super good hearing, like a seeing eye dog. They have overdeveloped hearing to make up for the fact... wait, the dogs aren't blind. Wait, are they? No, that wouldn't make sense.

  Alex Dunphy : [to Phil]  You're right. If I wait long enough, she can get there by herself.

  Phil Dunphy : [His cell phone rings]  Quick, girls. Famous Danny from "Moonstruck". Aiello?

  Mitchell Pritchett : Hey, Phil, I'm glad I caught ya.

  Phil Dunphy : What's up?

  Mitchell Pritchett : Uh, it's about Steven and Stefan. They want to see that house on Briar again.

  Phil Dunphy : Really? I showed it to them five times. Last time we were there, I think they got mail.

  Mitchell Pritchett : Yeah, well, that's why I'm calling. They hate upsetting people. Unless, of course, it's me. Then they don't mind waking me up at seven A.M., asking me to call you.

  Phil Dunphy : It's no problem. I'm just hanging around. Kind of bored, really.

  [Alex and Haley gasp] 

  Phil Dunphy : What?

  [Gasps in realization] 

• Claire Dunphy : Oh, wow. When was the last time we talked under a table?

  Mitchell Pritchett : Dad and Gloria's wedding reception.