The Big Bang Theory (TV Series)

The Rothman Disintegration (2012)

Simon Helberg: Howard Wolowitz

Quotes 

• Barry Kripke : How does it work?

  Sheldon Cooper : Oh, it's very simple. Scissors cuts paper, paper covers rock, rock crushes Lizard, Lizard poisons Spock, Spock smashes scissors, scissors decapitates Lizard, Lizard eats paper, paper disproves Spock, Spock vaperizes rock, and as it always has, rock crushes scissors.

  Barry Kripke : I'm sowwy, can you wepeat that?

  Sheldon Cooper : Oh, of course. Scissors cuts paper, paper covers rock, rock crushes Lizard, Lizard poisons Spock, Spock smashes scissors, scissors decapitates Lizard, Lizard eats paper, paper disproves Spock, Spock vaperizes rock, and as it always has, rock crushes scissors.

  Barry Kripke : Almost got it. One more time?

  Sheldon Cooper : Sure! Scissors cuts paper, paper covers rock...

  Howard Wolowitz : Hey, Sheldon!

  Sheldon Cooper : ...rock crushes...

  Howard Wolowitz : Stop. He's screwing with you.

  Sheldon Cooper : Is he? Well, then, seems we have reached an impasse. I see no other option than to challenge you to a duel. I'd smack you with a glove, but just last week, I packed away my winter things.

• Howard Wolowitz : It's a shame Professor Rothman was forced to step down.

  Leonard Hofstadter : What choice did the university have? He snapped. It happens to theoretical physicists all the time.

  Howard Wolowitz : I wonder how long Sheldon's got?

  Sheldon Cooper : These shrimp are all the same size. There is no logical order to eat them in.

  [Throws shrimp away] 

  Leonard Hofstadter : It can't be very long.

• Howard Wolowitz : Sheldon was higher.

  Leonard Hofstadter : Congratulations Sheldon. You win the office.

  Sheldon Cooper : Who's unsatisfactory in P.E. now?

• Raj Koothrappali : I paid $25 to some kid on eBay for a handcrafted Harry Potter wand. He sent me a stick. He went into his backyard, he picked up a stick.

  Howard Wolowitz : It's numbered.

  Raj Koothrappali : Heh. Ooh. Limited edition. Nice!

• Sheldon Cooper : Oh dear! There it is again. Do you feel it?

  Howard Wolowitz : The growing realization that you are one wacky bastard? Yep.

  Sheldon Cooper : No, the vibration. We are directly underneath the Geology lab and they're running their confounded sieve shakers again. Hey gravel monkeys! If you need to shake rocks, try jiggling your heads around!

• Raj Koothrappali : At least you finally got a window that opens. That's nice.

  Sheldon Cooper : Is it? Listen.

  Raj Koothrappali : What? You don't like wind chimes?

  Sheldon Cooper : No. I hate them, but it gets worse... There it is!

  Howard Wolowitz : The bird?

  Sheldon Cooper : It's completely out of tune with the wind chimes.

  Raj Koothrappali : So?

  Sheldon Cooper : You don't get it, do you? That's a mockingbird. Mockingbirds can change their song. Which means, he's out of tune on purpose. He's mocking me.