Draft Day (I) (2014)

Denis Leary: Coach Penn

Photos 

Quotes 

• Sonny Weaver Jr. : [arguing with Penn]  There's me doing my job, you doing yours. Your job is to coach the team I give you. They do it different in Dallas?

  Coach Penn : Yeah, they do. They win.

  [holds up his Super Bowl ring] 

  Coach Penn : A lot!

• Sonny Weaver Jr. : [on the phone with his mother]  You're on Twitter?

  Barb Weaver : You're not?

  Coach Penn : [enters with flaming papers in his hand]  I'm sorry, Sonny, is this a bad time?

  Sonny Weaver Jr. : I gotta go, Mom!

  [hangs up] 

  Coach Penn : This is the draft analysis we've all been working on for the last two weeks...

  [throws the burning pages onto the desk] 

  Rick the Intern : [background]  Fire! Ali, fire! ALI, FIRE!

  Ali : I'm coming!

  [enters with a fire extinguisher and puts out the fire] 

  Ali : Can I get you gentlemen some coffee?

  Sonny Weaver Jr. : Love some.

  Coach Penn : Light and sweet, honey, thanks.

  Ali : Yeah, I'm not getting you idiots anything.

  [walks out] 

  Coach Penn : I like her.

• Coach Penn : Let me see if I've got this right: in the span of one day, you have managed to burn through three years' worth of first round and second round draft picks. Is that correct?

  Sonny Weaver Jr. : Yeah.

  Coach Penn : I quit, Sonny.

  Sonny Weaver Jr. : Don't quit.

  Coach Penn : I can't coach a team that doesn't have a future.

• Sonny Weaver Jr. : [discussing a potential player]  Looks like Tarzan, plays like Jane.

  Coach Penn : Your opinion. He plays in my system.

  Sonny Weaver Jr. : He doesn't block!

  Coach Penn : I don't need him to block, I need him to run! Which he does, like a bat out of hell. Which takes the pressure off of my offense. Okay? I got fifty-two Tarzans in that locker room; I could use a Jane!

• Coach Penn : I had my choice of teams to coach, Sonny, and I chose this team, okay? I chose to coach *this* team. Not the team you're putting together in your head, on the fly, 'cause your old man died last week and you're tapping one of your execs.

  Sonny Weaver Jr. : What did you just say?

  Coach Penn : I'm sorry, is that supposed to be a secret?

  Sonny Weaver Jr. : You know, around here, we call my old man? Coach Weaver. And yes, my father died last week. So next time you refer to his name, next time you say it, at least in front of me, you say it with some god damn reverence, because he earned it.

• Ali : You don't think Callahan's legit?

  Coach Penn : I think Callahan might be the best prospect in the draft. But I hate rookie quarterbacks. They're stupid and they're scared.

  Ali : Not the good ones.

  Coach Penn : We already got a good one. His name is Brian Drew. He can run my offense like a pro. So I'm trying to figure out why I gotta give away the future of the franchise and then sit around trying to teach some rookie, I don't know, everything, you know? I'm talking shifts, plays, protections, snap counts, alerts, check-with-me's, Double X, jet, ice cream, 36, counter naked waggle at 16-9 Tennesse Free. Know what I'm saying?

  Ali : Don't patronize me. You know I know what you're saying. I dedicated my life to this sport, just like you.

• Coach Penn : Are you as jacked as everyone else around here about getting the first pick?

  Ali : I don't really get jacked. I just manage the cap.

  Coach Penn : Uh-huh. How does a girl like you get in this game, anyway?

  Ali : Law school.

  Coach Penn : Lawyer. So you don't get excited about anything.

  Ali : If I do my job and we haven't spent more than $125 million on players by the time the season starts, I get excited.

• Thompson : Everybody's freaking out, Sonny. St. Louis went with Anderson, Miami took Palmer.

  Sonny Weaver Jr. : Who's picking fourth?

  Coach Penn : Arizona.

  Sonny Weaver Jr. : Are they gonna take Callahan?

  Coach Penn : They should, but everybody's off their game. Rams and the Dolphins both went with their expected picks, even though Bo was still available. Everybody's panicking 'cause Callahan's still there.

  Thompson : Jesus, what if he drops to seventh? Seahawks have seventh. What if they ended up with Callahan?

  Coach Penn : Well, then Tom Michaels is the GM of the decade. I'm going to the can, to throw up.

• Sonny Weaver Jr. : I just got off the phone with Max Stone.

  Coach Penn : Yeah? How are things in Buffalo?

  Sonny Weaver Jr. : Well, I guess you didn't ask him, then, when you called him behind my back.

  Coach Penn : Max is an old friend of mine. He calls me up to congratulate us on the Callahan thing, and I express my opinion on the matter.

  Sonny Weaver Jr. : He call you or you call him?

  Coach Penn : It's such a crazy day. Who remembers?

  Sonny Weaver Jr. : Yeah, well, how 'bout try and remember this, I can and I will fire your ass.

  Coach Penn : Then do it, Sonny.

  Sonny Weaver Jr. : You actually think I'm gonna give up Bo Callahan for Taylor and Castillo? Hmm? Maurice Castillo?

  Coach Penn : And draft picks, okay? Don't forget the draft picks, Sonny. You do remember what those are, right?

• Sonny Weaver Jr. : Look, everyone else... everyone else has a reason to pass on Bo Callahan. You don't. Give me six... give me six, and I'll give you our second-round pick this year and our second-rounder next year.

  Coach Penn : Do what?

  Jeff Carson : [his war room murmurs]  Oh! That sounds awesome, Sonny. What am I, a jerk?

  Sonny Weaver Jr. : I'm just spitballing here, Jeff.

  Jeff Carson : Two number twos for the sixth overall? I'm not an idiot.

  Sonny Weaver Jr. : I'd give you ones, but I already dealt 'em.

  Jeff Carson : Well, you're gonna have to do better than that. Jesus, the clock.

  Sonny Weaver Jr. : I know. Denver hasn't picked yet, but they will any second, all right?

• Sonny Weaver Jr. : Okay. Screw it! No more offer. It's off the table, Tom. I'm taking Callahan.

  Tom Michaels : Whoa, whoa, no, no. Wait, wait! All right. You have a deal. I'll give you your picks. We have a deal.

  Sonny Weaver Jr. : [urging his scouts to be silent, he mutes the call]  What else do we need?

  Ali : Special teams. Putney! Get Putney!

  Thompson : [the scouts all mutter in agreement]  David Putney.

  Coach Penn : Yeah. Putney.

  Tom Michaels : Hello? Sonny?

  Sonny Weaver Jr. : [unmuting the call]  I'm sorry, that deal's now off the table.

  Tom Michaels : What?

  Sonny Weaver Jr. : We live in a different world than we did just thirty seconds ago.

  Tom Michaels : What? What do you want now?

  Sonny Weaver Jr. : I want my picks back, and I want David Putney. I need a punt returner.

  Tom Michaels : Where the hell'd that come from?

• Sonny Weaver Jr. : [making a trade with Seattle]  Okay, this means we're picking next, all right? Back at seven, where we started. Tom's gonna take Bo. So who do we got?

  Coach Penn : Ray Jennings. We take Ray Jennings.

  Sonny Weaver Jr. : That's right. Cleveland royalty. Haven't I been telling everybody that that's what we need, a running back? Still wanna quit, Coach?

  Coach Penn : What?

  Sonny Weaver Jr. : Does this sound like a team that you wanna coach? Because the Browns are ready to roll. We just need the right man at the wheel.

  Coach Penn : I can coach this team.

  Sonny Weaver Jr. : I know you can. Why don't you give Ray Jennings a call? And ask him if he wants to be a Brown. Then tell him to pack his bags so he can join us at our party.

  Coach Penn : My pleasure, boss.

• Sonny Weaver Jr. : [after making a trade with Jacksonville]  Somebody get Tom Michaels on the phone.

  Coach Penn : Tell me you didn't just do that, Sonny.

  Sonny Weaver Jr. : Michaels. Tom Michaels.

  Marx : Are we... are we on the clock?

  Coach Penn : Tell me you didn't just do that.

  Sonny Weaver Jr. : We just got the number six pick. And, no, we are not on the clock. Denver is on the clock.