Community (TV Series)
The First Chang Dynasty (2012)
Joel McHale: Jeff Winger
Photos
Quotes
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Troy Barnes : There is another way in. If I enroll in the AC school, they'll help us. We could walk in and out. It'll mean I'll have to move out of here and into AC school housing, and I won't be able to hang out with you guys anymore, or have a relationship, or use the word "sensational" for some reason.
Britta Perry : Troy, we are not losing you to save the dean, or Greendale... or anything, ever.
Jeff Winger : Don't be so dramatic, Troy. The answer is simple. We just have to plan an elaborate heist.
Britta Perry : Yes!
Pierce Hawthorne : Great, I'll get my turban.
Jeff Winger : Everyone except Pierce has to plan an elaborate heist.
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Troy Barnes : Shirley, never change. Or do, if you want, I'm not your boss.
Shirley Bennett : Oh, honey.
[They hug]
Pierce Hawthorne : Never wear a rubber.
Jeff Winger : [Shakes hands with Troy] Never listen to Pierce.
Troy Barnes : [Annie hugs him] Whenever you finally finish that jigsaw puzzle, will you tell me what kind of boat is at the end of that dock?
[Annie nods]
Britta Perry : This is a lock of my hair.
Troy Barnes : [Overly sentimental] Creepy.
[Abed comes up to him, Troy whispers something in his ear, Abed nods, and they do their secret handshake]
Murray : All right, let's go.
[Troy exchange a last look with the group before exiting after Murray]
Annie Edison : Abed? What did he say to you?
Abed Nadir : [Teary eyed] He said "I know you hate it when people do this in movies." Sorry I got emotional.
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Pierce Hawthorne : Is that me in my swami disguise?
Jeff Winger : No, Pierce, for the last time, you're in the getaway van because your swami act is notoriously horrible.
Pierce Hawthorne : A, that is racist. B, swamis can't drive, they're Indians.
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Shirley Bennett : The real Dean never would have expelled us. He loved us.
Officer Cackowski : Unfortunately, love is not admissible evidence. Ooh!
[sings into recorder]
Officer Cackowski : Love is not admissible evidence! I'm working on a cop opera.
Shirley Bennett , Jeff Winger , Britta Perry , Abed Nadir , Troy Barnes , Annie Edison : Copera!
Pierce Hawthorne : Police-ical!
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Jeff Winger : How's it coming with the guard?
Britta Perry : Boys are pathetic. Two days of facebooking with this Joshua kid and he's eating out of my hands. "Got a new flavor of lip balm. Meet me at Chili's in ten minutes." Sheep.
Jeff Winger : Um, I just want to reiterate that this should be the only time you seduce a child over the internet.
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Pierce Hawthorne : I do a great swami. Of course it works best with a cobra, but if you guys cut me a length of garden hose...
Jeff Winger : Are we all forgetting that if we get caught on that campus, we go to jail? Do you know how long someone as sarcastic as I am would last in prison? *Such* a long time.
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Jeff Winger : You see? It's not the real Dean.
Officer Cackowski : Of course. The head of security at Greendale Community College has kidnapped the Dean and replaced him with a deanel-ganger.
Jeff Winger : Well, when you say it that way, it sounds ridiculous.
Troy Barnes : Yeah, the word we used was doppel-deaner.
Britta Perry : Look, I hate cops.
[Everybody waits for her to continue, but she says nothing]
