Modern Family (TV Series)

Schooled (2012)

Wendi McLendon-Covey: Pam

Photos 

Quotes 

• Cameron Tucker : [Setting up a playdate]  We'll host, obviously.

  Pam : 'Obviously'?

  Cameron Tucker : Well, I assume you have an unfinished woodworking project at your house.

  Pam : You've got a lot of nerve.

  Susan : Yeah, and you've got half a canoe in our living room.

  Pam : [Grudgingly]  I look forward to your frittata.

  Cameron Tucker : Oh, why, are you visiting us in 2008?

• Susan : Yeah. So glad that we are doing this.

  Mitchell Pritchett : Yeah. Yeah, me, too.

  Susan : Yeah. I mean, we're the only gay parents in the class.

  Mitchell Pritchett : Yeah, we should be supporting one another. I mean, we have so much in common.

  Susan : Exactly.

  [Awkward pause] 

  Susan : So... tell us about yourselves.

  Mitchell Pritchett : I'm an environmental lawyer.

  Cameron Tucker : Uh, and I'm a homemaker.

  [Pam snorts] 

  Mitchell Pritchett : And-and, uh, and what do you do?

  Susan : I'm a financial consultant.

  Pam : I'm a contractor.

  [Cam snorts] 

  Pam : What, you thought I was a P.E. teacher, or...?

  Cameron Tucker : Well, figured.

  Pam : Mm.

  Cameron Tucker : Hey, I have a question real quick. How do you guys get the car seat on the motorcycle?

• Principal Roth : Mr. Tucker, what happened out there was unacceptable.

  Cameron Tucker : I agree. Is this kindergarten or 'The Hunger Games'?

  Principal Roth : I'm speaking of *your* behavior. We've never had an incident like this, and now we've had one on the first day, before circle time. What the fudge were you thinking? Now the boy's parents are coming in, and trust me, they're mad as Hello, Kitty.

  Mitchell Pritchett : Oh, you told his parents on us? That is... that is so not cool.

  Cameron Tucker : Well, I'm sure once they hear what their boy did, they will be understanding.

  Pam : [Entering with her partner]  All right, whoever made our son cry has messed with the wrong moms.

  Cameron Tucker , Mitchell Pritchett : Lesbians.

• Mitchell Pritchett : I am so sorry we have to meet like this, but I'm sure you can understand, as parents, the instinct to protect your child.

  Pam : Yeah, it's what makes me want to punch you in the neck right now.

  Cameron Tucker : Wow. I see where your son gets all of his aggression.

  Principal Roth : Okay, let's all take a time-out.

  Mitchell Pritchett : That's a good idea. This is getting a little heated. Right?

  Susan : Yeah, Pam, we don't want another incident like at the lumberyard.

  Mitchell Pritchett : Oh, my god. You guys go to the Lumberyard, too? D... I didn't know they had a ladies' night.

  Pam : Not the bar, Sally.

  Susan : Okay, you know what? He's trying to be nice, and you just called him Sally.

  Cameron Tucker : Yeah, you're not being very helpful, Peppermint Patty.

  Mitchell Pritchett : Okay, let's just stick to our actual names.

• Cameron Tucker : Okay, we have an assortment of spring rolls here. All vegetarian, of course.

  Pam : Oh, 'cause I'm a lesbian, I'm automatically a vegetarian?

  Cameron Tucker : Well, I saw it on 'The L Word'. I assume they have consultants.

  Pam : I'm just saying it's an offensive stereotype.

  Susan : Okay, Pam, you *are* a vegetarian.

• Cameron Tucker : [Lily's bedroom door is locked]  Oh, they've got something over the hole. Lily!

  Pam : Connor!

  Mitchell Pritchett : We can't see anything from outside. The curtains are closed.

  Susan : Open up, Connor! We'll let you have a hot dog!

  Lily Tucker-Pritchett : What if something happened to them? What kind of hazards do you keep in there?

  Mitchell Pritchett : [sarcastic]  Well, let's see. That's where we keep our gun collection, our abandoned refrigerator, and our chocolate-covered hypodermic needles.

  Susan : Why are gay men always so sarcastic?

  Mitchell Pritchett : It's my coping mechanism!

  Pam : Okay, that's it! Lily, Connor, if you can hear me, back away from the door. I'm gonna break it down.

  Cameron Tucker : I'll help you.

  Lily Tucker-Pritchett : I don't want Connor to go!

  Connor : I wanna stay!

  Susan : Oh, thank god they're alive!

• Susan : You know, Connor is having a birthday next week. Maybe Lily would like to come.

  Mitchell Pritchett : Oh, she would love that.

  Cameron Tucker : Oh, great. Are you guys having a clown?

  Pam : Oh, god, no. I hate clowns. They're so creepy.

  Cameron Tucker : Maybe you just don't like them because they wear makeup.

  Pam : You know what? I'm out.

  Cameron Tucker : Okay, thanks.

  Pam : Connor, we're leaving!

  Susan : Pam. Pam!

  Mitchell Pritchett : No, you don't understand. Cam used to be a clown.

  Cameron Tucker : Used to be? Once a clown, always a clown.