Modern Family (TV Series)

Snip (2012)

Jocelyn Ayanna: Receptionist

Quotes 

• Receptionist : Is there a Phil Dunphy here?

  Jay Pritchett : I'm his father-in-law. He's gonna need a moment. Is there anything I could fill out for him?

  Receptionist : Not unless you want the vasectomy.

  Jay Pritchett : Where were you six months ago?

  Receptionist : Barbados. Now I really need to speak with the patient.

  Jay Pritchett : Got it. Phil, get over here. Phil?

  [Turns around and sees he's gone] 

  Patient : He just ran ou-

  [Groans in pain] 

  Jay Pritchett : You know what could do wonders for your business here? A recovery room.

• Jay Pritchett : What's the matter? Are you nervous?

  Phil Dunphy : I'm not nervous. May-maybe you're the one who's nervous. You ever think about that?

  Jay Pritchett : Okay.

  Phil Dunphy : [laughing nervously]  "Nervous."

  Jay Pritchett : Okay.

  Phil Dunphy : Okay.

  Jay Pritchett : Because if you've had a change of heart...

  Phil Dunphy : I haven't had a change of heart. Maybe you had a change of heart, but I'm totally pumped. Pump, pump, pumped. Pump up the jam in my pumped-up... kicks. Pumpty-dumpty. Pumplestiltskin.

  Jay Pritchett : Because they do this kind of thing all the time, and in about an hour, you're gonna be wanting to ride a horse.

  [Awkward pause as another patient stumbles by, groaning in pain] 

  Receptionist : Me. Dunphy, can you please come to the desk?

  Jay Pritchett : [Phil doesn't move]  What's the plan, Phil?

  Phil Dunphy : Just sit here. I'm just gonna sit - I'm gonna sit a bit. Sitting pretty.