- Kate Wilding: What's the occasion?
- DCI John Barnaby: Well, uh, fifteen years of married bliss.
- Kate Wilding: Ah.
- DCI John Barnaby: So, just bring yourselves and a bottle.
- DS Ben Jones: Fifteen years. Wow. It's pretty, um...
- Kate Wilding: Terrifying.
- DS Ben Jones: I was going to say inspiring.
- Kate Wilding: Put simply, the victim was killed by a blow to the head from a large wheel of cheese.
- DS Ben Jones: Hard cheese.
- DCI John Barnaby: I found the ladies of Midsomer Pastures Prep School Parents' Council to be restrained...
- Sarah Barnaby: Um-hmm.
- DCI John Barnaby: and intriguing.
- Sarah Barnaby: Sylvia Mountford's Yummy Mummy Squad; I've heard all about them.
- DCI John Barnaby: No, these were more Stepford wives than yummy mummies. A roomful of perfect women and not another man for miles, except for Jones and he doesn't count.
- Sarah Barnaby: Oh, well, John, you should have said. I'd be more than happy to spend my days making the perfect sponge and choosing perfect wallpaper patterns and, and really just being perfect.
- DCI John Barnaby: [laughs] No, you wouldn't. And anyway, what do I want with perfection when I already have you. No, hang on, that didn't come out right. Wh...
- Sarah Barnaby: You're right there.
- [last lines]
- DCI John Barnaby: In a way, you know, this was all your fault.
- DS Ben Jones: How?
- DCI John Barnaby: I picked up my ring during my lunch hour.
- DS Ben Jones: Yeah?
- DCI John Barnaby: So, I was admiring the ring in one hand, and I had my sandwich in the other hand, and Sykes at my feet.
- DS Ben Jones: How was that my fault?
- DCI John Barnaby: Because that was the moment that *you* phoned my up. And somehow in the confusion I fed the rest of my sandwich and the ring to the dog.
- [Jones starts to laugh]
- DCI John Barnaby: We're not that off duty, Jones.
- DS Ben Jones: Look, nature took it's course; there's no harm done.
- DCI John Barnaby: And no-one need ever be any the wiser.
- DS Ben Jones: Okay.
- [first lines]
- Beatrix Ordish: Can you take notes?
- Sylvia Mountford: [claps several times] Ladies. Shall we commence?
- DS Ben Jones: There were two numbers she dialed regularly. Greg Brantner - he runs the dairy - and Oliver Ordish.
- DCI John Barnaby: Ordish. Any relation to...
- DS Ben Jones: Beatrix's husband, yeah. But it was Greg she was calling on the night she died. Four calls between 5:32 and 7:55.
- DCI John Barnaby: He was her boss.
- DS Ben Jones: You're my boss but I don't feel the need to call you all hours of the day and night.
- DCI John Barnaby: Let's keep it like that.