- Homer Simpson: Lisa, do you have a stray dog in the basement?
- Lisa Simpson: Well, it's worse than a stray dog.
- Homer Simpson: Two stray dogs?
- Lisa Simpson: It's a black hole.
- Homer Simpson: That was going to be my next guess.
- Lisa Simpson: Are you sure your next guess wasn't three stray dogs?
- Homer Simpson: Maybe.
- Bart Simpson: Mom married Artie Ziff?
- Artie Ziff: Indeed, and that makes you Bartie Ziff.
- Bart Simpson: [Takes off hat, revealing curly hair] Oy caramba!
- Artie Ziff: I thought this might happen, so I've mastered Brazilian jiu-jitsu.
- [Lies down on floor]
- Artie Ziff: Fall atop me and meet your doom!
- Homer Simpson: If anyone finds this footage after we're dead or missing, remember me as a hero.
- Bart Simpson: Dad, you forgot to pick me up from little league!
- Lisa Simpson: You threw your car keys in my bean plant!
- Homer Simpson: A hero!
- Ned Flanders: Homer, is that my camera?
- Homer Simpson: Hero away!
- Homer Simpson: Ice-cream with cookie dough? Unnecessarily big TVs? Thursday night football? And the globe feels so warm. I am in awe of the future!
- [Chief Wiggum goes by on a Segway, asleep]
- Homer Simpson: Okay, that's not so great.
- Marge Simpson: [to a group of Homer's descendants] I just realized I married the wrong man. I was meant to be with all of you.
- [a Homer in skins and a club grunts at her incoherently]
- Marge Simpson: Even you, caveman Homer.
- Homer Simpson: That's Renaissance Homer.
- Moe Szyslak: [after being decapitated, his head is kicked around by kids] Boy, soccer is even boring for the ball.
- Chief Wiggum: [inspecting the Simpson house] Someone in this family's made a deal with the Devil and now the Devil wants his due. Now remember: the creature feeds on your fear.
- [Cuckoo clock chimes]
- Chief Wiggum: What the hell was that?
- [screams and runs out, returns as a skeleton]
- Chief Wiggum: Actually, it feeds on more than just fear.
- [collapses]
- Homer Simpson: Before we begin, what's the safe word?
- Demon: Cinnamon.
- Homer Simpson: Oh, that's nice. Now, I'd like to try something new, if you don't mind.
- Demon: Cinnamon! Cinnamon! Cinnamon!
- Bart Simpson: Now to go back to the future, where I'm either rich or allowed to stand in front of a rich man's house. Either way, it's better than here.
- Bart Simpson: Hey, Homer.
- Homer Simpson: Who are you?
- Bart Simpson: I'm your unwanted son from the future who kills all your fun.
- Homer Simpson: Why you little!...
- [Chokes Bart]