Modern Family (TV Series)

The Butler's Escape (2012)

Ty Burrell: Phil Dunphy

Photos 

Quotes 

• Phil Dunphy : The minute I stopped caring what other people thought and started doing what I wanted to do, is the minute I finally felt... free!

• Phil Dunphy : It goes without saying that The Butler's Escape is one of the most challenging feats of escapology an illusionist can perform. It's- it's based, of course, on the well-known story of the Earl of Flanning's manservant Percy, who was imprisoned in the Tower of London, and as we all know, refused to take off his uniform when he was shackled. Famously, as the, uh, tower guard Gert slept, Percy freed himself and leapt over the sleeping guard, giving rise to the popular expression...

  [Cues Claire, who obviously doesn't know the rest] 

  Phil Dunphy : ... 'Percy jumped the Gert'.

• Phil Dunphy : Buddy... you're gonna make your own choices, and whatever you decide, I'll always support you.

  Luke Dunphy : You're not just saying all this 'cause you're stuck, right?

  Phil Dunphy : Nothing you decide will ever disappoint me.

• Claire Dunphy : Luke wants to quit magic.

  Phil Dunphy : [Without missing a beat]  That's not happening. Well, see you guys at dinner.

  Claire Dunphy : Sweetheart, don't you even want to talk about this?

  Phil Dunphy : What's to talk about? The kid's a natural. He has everything - the hands, the patter, the outfits.

  Claire Dunphy : Okay, let's play this out. Even if he is one in a million, what's our best case scenario here? He becomes, what...

  Claire Dunphy , Phil Dunphy : [Simultaneously, Phil excited and Claire neutral]  A professional magician?

  Phil Dunphy : Honey, the boy has a gift! You wanna just throw that away?

  Claire Dunphy : I don't think it's about throwing it away I think it's about you pushing him...

  Luke Dunphy : Don't I get a say in any of this? I'm sorry I don't like magic as much as you, but I don't.

  Phil Dunphy : This isn't about magic.

  Luke Dunphy : No, it's about *my* life and *you* controlling it.

  Phil Dunphy : Luke, you made a commitment. You will honor that commitment!

  Luke Dunphy : Ugh! I hate it here!

  [Throws a smoke pellet and disappears like a magician] 

  Phil Dunphy : [Whispers]  Luke?

• Phil Dunphy : [about Luke quitting magic]  It's just hard, you know? It's the first time he hasn't shared one of my interests. It's scary to think that this is the start of us growing apart.

  Claire Dunphy : Oh, honey, it's probably just a phase. Alex is going through something right now. I wish I could figure that out.

  Phil Dunphy : I can't breathe.

  Claire Dunphy : Anxiety.

  Phil Dunphy : No, no, I'm-I'm fighting the jacket. The key to this escape is balance. The whole thing is based on the idea of opposing forces holding each other in check.

  Claire Dunphy : That actually makes some sense.

  Phil Dunphy : Some sense? There are two things I know with dead certainty: how to shoulder roll out of a human pyramid, and the black arts of the Butler's Escape.

  Claire Dunphy : No, honey, our house is out of balance because Alex is missing her opposing force. Mm? Yeah.

  [Kisses Phil and leaves] 

  Phil Dunphy : Oh, y-you're missing out. Some people describe this escape as visual poetry.

  [Falls face-down on the bed and can't roll over] 

  Phil Dunphy : Honey?

  [Stuck on his stomach] 

  Phil Dunphy : Oh, no.

• Phil Dunphy : Hey. Look, um, I thought about it, and if you really want to, you can quit magic. You just have to do one thing first -

  [Shows Luke the chained butler suit] 

  Phil Dunphy : - execute The Butler's Escape.

• Luke Dunphy : Why are you making me do this stupid trick?

  Phil Dunphy : I think you're quitting because magic's getting hard. And that's not a good reason for quitting anything. But... if you can do this, then I'll know that you genuinely don't like it, and you'll have my blessing to pursue other interests. No strings attached.

  [Puts a metal ring around Luke and, while removing it, accidentally bumps him on the head] 

  Luke Dunphy : Sorry, Buddy.

  Luke Dunphy : Ow!

  Phil Dunphy : I'm so sorry.

• Luke Dunphy : I know we bought a lot of magic stuff, but we can return some of it - Merlin's hat, the gloves, most of the capes.

  Phil Dunphy : What about Houdini's wands?

  Luke Dunphy : Uh... they kinda got broken.

  Phil Dunphy : All three? What happened? I got you carbon fiber.

  Luke Dunphy : Some kids were messing around with them at school.

  Phil Dunphy : What do you mean? What-what were they doing?

  Luke Dunphy : I don't really wanna talk about it.

• Phil Dunphy : Try to see this from my perspective.

  Luke Dunphy : I can't.

  Phil Dunphy : I'm not raising a quitter. Trust me. I know what's best for you. And watch your time. In the stage version, the rope's on fire and you're suspended over a bed of nails.

  Luke Dunphy : I hate this! Why are you making me do this?

  Phil Dunphy : Use that anger, Lukini. Let it be the key that opens the vault of fear... that holds the chalice of hope that contains the elixir of success. In a few short minutes...

  [the rope goes slack; he turns to see Luke is free] 

  Phil Dunphy : Son of Alkazeel! You've done it!

  Luke Dunphy : [Throws the jacket to the floor]  I quit.

• Phil Dunphy : [Woken in the middle of the night by an explosion]  Is everybody okay?

  Claire Dunphy : I'm fine. Thanks for waiting.

  Alex Dunphy : What was that?

  Phil Dunphy : Water heater, gas line - the training's the same, people. Just stay low and move out!

  Claire Dunphy : Honey, Luke's gone.

  Phil Dunphy : Claire, spontaneous human combustion is very rare.

  Claire Dunphy : I don't think he exploded, Phil.

  Luke Dunphy : [Coming in from outside]  The rope ladder works. At least *someone* followed protocol.