Modern Family (TV Series)

The Butler's Escape (2012)

Ed O'Neill: Jay Pritchett

Photos 

Quotes 

• Jay Pritchett : [about Gloria's snoring]  How do I bring it up?

  Claire Dunphy : Well, for starters, you don't. You suck it up! Dad, your hot wife, who was learning to walk when you were 30 years old, is pregnant with the baby you conceived doing something most men would kill to do!

• Jay Pritchett : I'm exhausted. And I didn't want to hurt your feelings, but you're huge and you're loud. It's like sleeping with Rush Limbaugh.

• Claire Dunphy : Hey, Dad. How's 'Frisco?

  Jay Pritchett : My meetings ended early. I didn't even have to spend the night. And don't say "'Frisco". They hate it when you call it "'Frisco".

  Claire Dunphy : How do you know what they hate? You've been there two times in your life.

  Jay Pritchett : Anyway, I haven't slept in a week. Gloria's snoring like a water buffalo.

  Claire Dunphy : Aw. Well, she's pregnant. It's uncomfortable. What she put on? 15? 20? 25? 30?

  Jay Pritchett : We're not doing this again.

• Jay Pritchett : I'm just so tired.

  Claire Dunphy : It's a small sacrifice compared to what she's going through. Poor thing, what with the extra... 30? 35? 40? 45?

  Jay Pritchett : We're done.

  [Hangs up] 

• Gloria Delgado-Pritchett : I am not mad at you because you told me that I snore. I am mad at you because you *didn't* say anything.

  Jay Pritchett : 'Cause I didn't wanna get yelled at.

  Gloria Delgado-Pritchett : Well, too bad. When you're married to me, you're going to get yelled at *many* times. And you're tough enough to take it. That's what I love about our marriage. We can say whatever we want, but the next day, we're still there.

  Jay Pritchett : That's what I like about it, too.

  [Hugs Gloria] 

  Jay Pritchett : Ah. What am I gonna say you couldn't forgive me?

  Gloria Delgado-Pritchett : There are things, Jay.

  Jay Pritchett : You ready to go?

  Gloria Delgado-Pritchett : I was thinking, it's such a shame that this hotel room is going to go to waste.

  Jay Pritchett : I like where this is headed.

  Gloria Delgado-Pritchett : [Taking his hotel room key]  Make Manny some pasta. I'll see you tomorrow morning, okay?

• Gloria Delgado-Pritchett : You told me that you were in 'Frisco, and you were here in a hotel?

  Jay Pritchett : Let me just say one thing. Don't say 'Frisco. They hate that. And how the hell did you find me?

• Jay Pritchett : [to Stella, upon coming home and hearing Gloria snoring]  You never saw me.

• Gloria Delgado-Pritchett : Ay, Jay, I'm going to miss you.

  Jay Pritchett : It's one night.

  Gloria Delgado-Pritchett : No, I don't want to be without you, not even one night in my whole life. What can I make you?

  Jay Pritchett : [Cut to interview]  How about a little room on my side of the bed? I mean, I shouldn't complain. My wife's a knockout. But... she's at that place in her pregnancy where she's, you know... ample. And the snoring. I swear, in the last ultrasound, the baby was like this.

  [Holds his hands over his ears] 

• Manny Delgado : Mom, I'm fully aware of the changes your body is going through, and that nasal stuffiness is very common during pregnancy, but we got a crisis in this house. You've been snoring. But I got you these nasal strips. In the commercial, the old man's angry red sound waves turn a gentle blue.

  Gloria Delgado-Pritchett : So I'm like an old man?

  Manny Delgado : No!

  Gloria Delgado-Pritchett : Like a dog, then? A pig? What is it, Manny? I'm an old man, a dog, or a pig?

  Manny Delgado : Jay, help me out here. You've heard it.

  Jay Pritchett : I don't know what the boy's talking about. If this is a glimpse of teenage Manny, I don't love it. Have a little respect for your beautiful mother.

  Gloria Delgado-Pritchett : [loudly blowing her nose]  Thank you, Jay.