- Peter Griffin as Joseph: Now, gather round everybody and hear the awe-inspiring tale that caused millions and millions of deaths.
- Peter Griffin: [resuming the tale] Okay, let me just ram the rest of this rhetoric down your throats...
- Meg Griffin: I can only imagine what it must have been like for them on that very first Christmas.
- Brian Griffin: It was probably very moving... and fictional.
- Stewie Griffin: Jesus live with us for like a week, what else do you need?