Modern Family (TV Series)

Yard Sale (2012)

Ty Burrell: Phil Dunphy

Photos 

Quotes 

• Claire Dunphy : Honey, you finally found something less cool than those pants that zip off into shorts.

  Phil Dunphy : My shants, which you have been gunning for since day one. Does it matter to any of you that this is actually an extremely efficient cardiovascular workout that could prolong my life?

  Claire Dunphy : Mm, yeah, but what kind of life? And with whom?

• Phil Dunphy : I've had bigger hogs than this between my legs.

  Jay Pritchett : He really ought to run things through in his head first.

• Claire Dunphy : There he is! Sweetheart, do you love it?

  Phil Dunphy : No, Claire, I do not love it.

  Claire Dunphy : Oh, that's too bad, 'cause you look so cool on that.

  Phil Dunphy : [getting off, revealing he's missing a pant leg]  Do I, Claire? Do I really?

  Claire Dunphy : What happened?

  Phil Dunphy : It's a long story. Check your inbox. But suffice it to say, I'm not buying that motorcycle.

  Claire Dunphy : Uh-huh.

  Phil Dunphy : I know what I am, Claire. I'm not a rider. I'm a Strider. I hope that's sexy enough for you.

  Claire Dunphy : Well, I can see stuff.

  Phil Dunphy : Yeah, I know. I can feel air on it. It's not like I have another pair of pants.

  Mitchell Pritchett : [giving him a pair of Cam's pants]  Well, today is your lucky day. It's for a good cause.

  Cameron Tucker : You might need a belt.

  Phil Dunphy : Oh, I doubt it. I bet we wear the same size.

  Cameron Tucker : Don't do that.

• Phil Dunphy : I'm terrified of motorcycles, but sometimes you have to do things to show the world you're still a man. Same reason I got that henna tattoo. Japanese symbol for "courage."

• Phil Dunphy : I'm so hungry. I don't know how long I'm gonna be out here. I gotta ration my food.

  [taking a bite of a sandwich and spitting it out] 

  Phil Dunphy : I said no tomatoes!

• Phil Dunphy : No way! You're selling the Harley?

  Jay Pritchett : No, I'm just trying to move it out of the way. Some asshat offered me a hundred bucks for it. But with the baby coming, I guess I am gonna sell it.

  Phil Dunphy : Well, she's a beaut.

  Jay Pritchett : What, you wouldn't be interested in it, would you?

  Phil Dunphy : Why wouldn't I be?

  Jay Pritchett : Well, I just never thought of you as a motorcycle kind of guy.

  Phil Dunphy : Well, I would be if Claire would ever let me have one.

  Claire Dunphy : You can have a motorcycle if you want.

  Phil Dunphy : Ha ha ha! Can I also have an affair with my super-hot receptionist?

  Claire Dunphy : What super-hot receptionist?

  Phil Dunphy : Don't change the subject. Now, what would everybody like for lunch?

  Claire Dunphy : You don't have to buy a motorcycle if you don't want one. But don't blame it on me. I'm fine with it.

  Phil Dunphy : Seriously?

  Claire Dunphy : Yeah. Yeah, look, I know it's not the safest thing in the world. But it is sexy.

  Gloria Delgado-Pritchett : Yes. A lot more sexy than that crazy machine you rode up on.

  Claire Dunphy : Mm.

  Gloria Delgado-Pritchett : Is that something that your doctor make you use?

  Jay Pritchett : All right, I'm gonna take this around back, unless you'd like to go for a test drive.

  Phil Dunphy : Sure. Let's go. Not too fast. Precious cargo.

  Jay Pritchett : I'm not taking you, sweetheart.

  Phil Dunphy : I'm driving?

• Phil Dunphy : [trapped under a motorcycle]  Turns out today wasn't the first day of the rest of my life. Oh, my goodness. There's some DVDs in a shoe box in, uh, my closet that I was holding for... a buddy. Um, you can go ahead and just throw the whole box away.

• Phil Dunphy : [about test-driving Jay's old motorcycle]  I know I looked super cool on the outside, but on the inside, I was terrified. And then I remembered that Fonzie once put together a whole motorcycle while blind. And I thought, "that was a great show," and I got really distracted and... and I forgot I was scared. So I headed up the canyon and I left the city behind. I'd never felt so exhilarated. I don't know exactly when it happened, but somewhere on that lonely road... the bike and I became one.

  [stopping the engine, the motorcycle tips over and he gets trapped under it] 

  Phil Dunphy : Oh. Ohh. Oh, no. No. Oh, you're heavy! No! Ohh! Uh-oh.

• Phil Dunphy : If I had to make a playlist for being trapped under a motorcycle, it'd be, um... "Stuck in the Middle," "Hit the Road, Jack," um, anything by Heavy D. Ooh, Pointer Sisters, "Neutron Dance."

• Phil Dunphy : Heads up! Coming through!

  Claire Dunphy : Wow! I am glad you're finally getting rid of that thing.

  Phil Dunphy : What? I'm not selling this bad boy. I was gonna meet you and your dad's and get a little exercise on the way. What's, uh, what's your beef with my StreetStrider?

  Alex Dunphy : Even I think it's nerdy, and I'm fluent in Elvish.

  Phil Dunphy : It's not nerdy. Luke, back me up.

  Luke Dunphy : I hope you mean into the garage, because I have friends on this street.