Modern Family (TV Series)
Arrested (2012)
Sofía Vergara: Gloria Delgado-Pritchett
Photos
Quotes
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Jay Pritchett : [his phone wakes him up in the middle of the night] This better be good.
Claire Dunphy : Haley got arrested for drinking. We gotta go bail her out. Do you still have a connection to that judge upstate?
Jay Pritchett : He died.
Gloria Delgado-Pritchett : Ay! Who died?
Jay Pritchett : An old friend of mine.
Gloria Delgado-Pritchett : Ay, Jay, I'm so sorry.
Jay Pritchett : He died five years ago.
Gloria Delgado-Pritchett : Then why are they calling us in the middle of the night to wake us up?
Jay Pritchett : Nobody died. Haley's in jail.
Gloria Delgado-Pritchett : Okay. That makes more sense.
Jay Pritchett : Claire has to go bail her out.
Gloria Delgado-Pritchett : [taking the phone] Okay. Give me that. Claire, listen to me. Take a lot of cash. And when you flash it to the police, do no speak about it. Let the eyes do all the talking, okay?
Manny Delgado : [coming in] I heard the phone. Who died?
Gloria Delgado-Pritchett : Jay's friend.
Manny Delgado : Oh, Jay, I'm so sorry.
Claire Dunphy : Okay, I can't do this again.
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Gloria Delgado-Pritchett : Making a child is the easy part. The hard part is everything that comes after. Keeping them safe...
Cameron Tucker : Well, you can tell your mother that my scones are appropriately crunchy on the outside while delightfully dense on the ins...
[the kids all scream, and he swerves the car]
Cameron Tucker : Saw that. I saw it.
Gloria Delgado-Pritchett : ...making sacrifices for them...
Jay Pritchett : Hey, kid. I'll take you to that poetry reading thing tonight.
Manny Delgado : Actually, DeDe and I were just talking. She's a huge fan of spoken-word...
DeDe Pritchett : And I would love to escort him.
Gloria Delgado-Pritchett : Please.
Jay Pritchett : Go.
Gloria Delgado-Pritchett : ...and standing by them, even when they let you down.
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Gloria Delgado-Pritchett : Jay, do you have some time today? We need to go and pick out a stroller.
Jay Pritchett : Just get whatever you want. I mean, it's what you're gonna do anyway.
Gloria Delgado-Pritchett : What I want is a husband who likes to go shopping for a stroller with me.
Jay Pritchett : If you had a husband who liked picking out strollers, you wouldn't be having a baby.
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Gloria Delgado-Pritchett : Ay, Jay, it's so weird. The moment I came through the door, the baby started kicking like crazy, like it's trying to claw its way out of me.
[seeing DeDe]
Gloria Delgado-Pritchett : Bruja!
DeDe Pritchett : Oh, my god.
Gloria Delgado-Pritchett : What is she doing here?
DeDe Pritchett : You're going to have a baby? I don't believe it.
Jay Pritchett : Uh, DeDe, don't get all crazy about this.
[DeDe starts laughing]
Jay Pritchett : What's happening?
Gloria Delgado-Pritchett : Her brain. It snapped.
DeDe Pritchett : Oh! You're going to be a father again at your age. And here you were thinking you would just sail off into the sunset with your beautiful young wife, not a care in the world. This is fantastic! I think my uterus just fixed itself.
Jay Pritchett : [to Gloria] Don't ask.
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DeDe Pritchett : I don't remember him changing a single diaper.
Jay Pritchett : What's that supposed to mean? You can't even remember killing your cat.
DeDe Pritchett : Oh, I don't think I did. But I'm sure that you never changed any diapers.
Jay Pritchett : It's just that you were better at it than I was.
DeDe Pritchett : Oh, so I guess I was better at late-night feedings and cleaning spit-up, too.
Gloria Delgado-Pritchett : You know what? He wouldn't help me pick up a stroller or a blanket or a bouncy chair.
DeDe Pritchett : Oh, well, I had to get that stuff on my own. He was just useless.
Gloria Delgado-Pritchett : You poor thing. Makes all sense now why you became so crazy.
DeDe Pritchett : Right?
Gloria Delgado-Pritchett : [in an intimidating tone] Listen to me, Jay Pritchett. If you don't change your useless ways, you're gonna make me crazy, too! Like DeDe!
Jay Pritchett : [following her out] Gloria. Gloria!
[sarcastically to DeDe]
Jay Pritchett : I just love our little visits.
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Jay Pritchett : What are you looking for?
Gloria Delgado-Pritchett : Nothing! I am making a lot of noise because I'm angry!
Jay Pritchett : Gloria, I'm gonna help you with the baby.
Gloria Delgado-Pritchett : I am not young like with Manny. I am tired already, and it's gonna get harder from here! I can't do this on my own, and you did this to me, so you're going to be here this time!
Jay Pritchett : Back then, we were living paycheck to paycheck. The reason I wasn't around is I was working all the time. Believe me, DeDe wasn't the only one having sleepless nights. But now it's different. Now I can help you with everything.
Gloria Delgado-Pritchett : Really?
Jay Pritchett : Let's start right now. I like that one.
Gloria Delgado-Pritchett : Which one?
Jay Pritchett : That silver stroller.
Gloria Delgado-Pritchett : No, we're going to get the green one.
Jay Pritchett : Great. What's next? How about I pick out the wrong crib?
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Manny Delgado : So, who wants to come with me to the spoken word festival this evening? I only have two tickets, so somebody's gonna be disappointed.
Jay Pritchett : I think it's gonna be you.
Gloria Delgado-Pritchett : Ay, Manny, I would go with you, but I'm so tired.
Jay Pritchett : You just woke up. How are you tired?
Gloria Delgado-Pritchett : Maybe because I'm turning food into a human! Jay will take you.
Jay Pritchett : Sorry, I would love to go to the spoken word festival, but I'm already going to the I'd-rather-blow-my-brains-out jamboree.
Manny Delgado : I can't believe this. I'm living in a cultural wasteland.
Jay Pritchett : With a heated pool.
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Jay Pritchett : This is beautiful. Look at you two, having a conversation like old friends.
Gloria Delgado-Pritchett : Well, it's easier to talk to her when she's not choking me.
DeDe Pritchett : I'm sorry. I went through a bad patch there when I was trying to find the right balance with my meds. I recently discovered my cat Frances buried in the backyard. I'm just praying that she died first.
Gloria Delgado-Pritchett : Maybe you can dogsit for the shoe-eater one day.
DeDe Pritchett : Oh, well, she is a... funny-looking thing.
Jay Pritchett : [to his pitbull Stella] Don't listen to them. You're beautiful.