- Senior FBI Agent T.C. Fornell: [entering] Hey, Gibbs. What's taking so long? Come on, people, chop-chop...
- [sees McGee and Diane asleep on the couch, intertwined, albeit fully clothed]
- Senior FBI Agent T.C. Fornell: Holy Fourth of July Weenie Roast, *what the hell am I looking at*?
- Senior FBI Agent T.C. Fornell: [Referring to Diane] It's getting late - with Lambert on the loose, she should probably sleep at your house tonight. I'll talk to you later.
- [Tries to leave quickly. Gibbs stops him]
- Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Yeah, you're right. She shouldn't be alone. And since you married her last, I think that means your place.
- Abby Sciuto: [Watching from the side,] This is gonna be good.
- Senior FBI Agent T.C. Fornell: I've got no clean sheets.
- Leroy Jethro Gibbs: My heater's broken.
- Senior FBI Agent T.C. Fornell: I've got toxic black mold in my kitchen.
- Timothy McGee: I'll let these two figure it out since I know the one place she's definitely *not* staying.
- [Gibbs and Fornell turn and face McGee]
- Leon Vance: Mrs. Sterling was telling you the truth, at least partly. She did go back to work for the I.R.S., just not as an auditor. She's been promoted to a GS-11 position in Enforcement.
- Senior FBI Agent T.C. Fornell: Which means...?
- Diane Sterling: It means that you two aren't the only ones with a badge!
- [She slaps her badge down on Vance's desk. Gibbs and Fornell both peer at it]
- Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Wow...
- Senior FBI Agent T.C. Fornell: My breakfast burrito is about to say, "hello!"
- Leon Vance: The I.R.S. Deputy Commissioner called when he heard that we had one of their agents.
- Senior FBI Agent T.C. Fornell: "Agents"?
- Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Wow...
- Senior FBI Agent T.C. Fornell: And the Lord wept.
- Ziva David: [re: Diane] Her presence at the bar where Seaman Brown worked might have simply been a coincidence.
- Senior FBI Agent T.C. Fornell: No way, and enough with the girl power. More likely she finally hired that hit man she's been talking about for years to take me out.
- [Gibbs and his team all look at Fornell, silently asking if he's serious]
- Senior FBI Agent T.C. Fornell: [laughing] ... No! No.
- [They keep looking at him]
- Senior FBI Agent T.C. Fornell: But we should put a pin in that.
- Diane Sterling: [to McGee] Chuckie, could you pull up the IRS mainframe? Directory: D. Sterling. Password: Tobias cheap.
- Diane Sterling: Believe it or not, I think I just need a hug.
- Timothy McGee: I'm not hugging you.
- Diane Sterling: Why not?
- Timothy McGee: Because it's not gonna happen.
- Diane Sterling: You come over here and hug me right now, dammit!
- Anthony DiNozzo: Okay, if you don't tell me what happened between you and Diane, I'm just gonna have to believe the rumors.
- Timothy McGee: Tony, how many times do I have to tell you, nothing happened. Wait... what rumors?
- Jimmy Palmer: The kind that would make a grown man blush, McGee.
- Donald Mallard: Even our latest victim turned a slight shade of pink when he heard one, and he's dead.
- Timothy McGee: Oh please don't tell me everyone here's talking about this.
- Anthony DiNozzo: We're working an IRS fraud case. You sleeping alone is more interesting.
- Jimmy Palmer: Much less you sleeping with...
- Timothy McGee: I didn't. We didn't. Look, we found a house filled with nothing but frozen fish! That's not more interesting to you?
- Anthony DiNozzo, Jimmy Palmer, Donald Mallard: [trade a look among themselves, then] No.
- Timothy McGee: Diane and I fell asleep on the couch, talking. That's all.
- Donald Mallard: Given Agents Gibbs and Fornell's propensity for violence, that's the story I would stick to if I were you.
- Ziva David: What is going on?
- Leroy Jethro Gibbs: New assignment. Special Agent... Sterling will bring you up to speed.
- Anthony DiNozzo: [laughs] Ho-ho... what-?
- [Diane holds her badge up in front of his face, glaring]
- Anthony DiNozzo: [deadpan] Oh, that's-that's... very cool.
- Donald Mallard: Six shots right to the chest. Nice shooting! Remind me not to get on your bad side. Jethro, I think we can safely say the cause of death was...
- Senior FBI Agent T.C. Fornell: One pissed-off FBI agent.
- Senior FBI Agent T.C. Fornell: Did she just give us orders?
- Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Yeah... but they're good ones.
- Senior FBI Agent T.C. Fornell: [annoyed] I know.
- Ziva David: And we're getting a solid image from the camera in Diane's brooch, which looks much better on you than it did on me, by the way.
- Timothy McGee: Just be careful not to knock it loose.
- Senior FBI Agent T.C. Fornell: Oh, it's not going anywhere. You spent more than enough time attaching it to my ex-wife's bosom. Way too much time if you ask me.
- Diane Sterling: [yelling at the interrogation room mirror] And you two! What, are you too afraid to come in here and face me yourselves!
- Senior FBI Agent T.C. Fornell: [from the observation room] I won't dignify that with a response!
- Leroy Jethro Gibbs: You just did.
- Diane Sterling: [briefing Gibbs's team] As I told Frick and Frack already, somebody is running a major fraud operation against the I.R.S., stealing hundreds of identities, stealing thousands in fake tax returns. We've traced the identity thefts...
- Anthony DiNozzo: To the Navy bar where Gibbs and Fornell bumped into you.
- Ziva David: And you think someone there was lifting driver's license info.
- Timothy McGee: Probably Seaman Brown. As a bouncer, he would have checked every I.D. that came through the door.
- [Reluctantly impressed, Diane turns to Gibbs]
- Diane Sterling: You must be very proud, Jethro.
- Anthony DiNozzo: Does your husband know that you're walking around town posing as Mrs. Fornell?
- Diane Sterling: Victor is in Turks and Caicos, at a destination wedding, with my daughter.
- Anthony DiNozzo: What's the matter? You didn't get invited?
- Diane Sterling: Yes, I was invited. I just needed a little time to myself...
- [points sharply at the two-way mirror]
- Diane Sterling: Stuff it, you two! I can hear you smirking from in here!
- [Cut to inside the observation room, where Gibbs and Fornell are indeed smirking]
- Diane Sterling: Listen, you tell Agent "Muh-Gee" that when I catch up with his scrawny ass...!
- [Vance enters the interrogation room]
- Leon Vance: Gibbs, the interrogation is ov...
- [He is confused to see Tony, not Gibbs, interrogating Diane, who just points at the observation room mirror, then herself, then at the mirror again]
- Leon Vance: Right. Should have seen that one coming.
- Leon Vance: All right, calm down. If there was a hit put out on you, it means Agent Sterling is getting close. Which also means she's in danger, too.
- Senior FBI Agent T.C. Fornell: I want to see your files!
- Diane Sterling: [scoffs] No way.
- Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Wasn't a request.
- Diane Sterling: Oh, I'm so sorry, let me rephrase that: Go...!
- Leon Vance: I said, calm down.
- Diane Sterling: It is a woman's prerogative to change her mind.
- Anthony DiNozzo: [holds up an evidence bag] Is it also a woman's prerogative to carry two fake I.D.'s?
- Diane Sterling: [lip curling] You went through my purse?
- Anthony DiNozzo: [recoils slightly] No... McGee did.
- Leroy Jethro Gibbs: You got to give Victor a break.
- Diane Sterling: Excuse me? Who told you that Victor and I are having prob... oh, it was Chucky! He is such a dead man. Okay, what do I have to give Victor a break for?
- Leroy Jethro Gibbs: For being him and not somebody else. You got it let it go, Diane. I couldn't, and I drove everybody away... and the last thing you want to be is me.
- Diane Sterling: You're not so bad. But I hear you.