- Phyllis Vance: I can't be around sad people, it just makes me sad.
- Stanley Hudson: I'm the same around horny people.
- Aunt Shirley: So when's the wedding?
- Angela Martin-Lipton: Actually we are just friends.
- Aunt Shirley: That's what Mose said about his lady scarecrow, and look what he did to that poor thing.
- Andy Bernard: Where are you going?
- Pam Beesly: Uh, not on a three month boat trip.
- Andy Bernard: Wha? Oh, burn.
- [laughs, Angela and Dwight move to leave]
- Andy Bernard: Uh, excuse me. What, everyone can just leave whenever they want now?
- Dwight Schrute: How dare you?
- Andy Bernard: I'm still the boss!
- Angela Martin-Lipton: What is it?
- Dwight Schrute: It's my Aunt Shirley. She's on her last legs.
- Angela Martin-Lipton: Dwight, that's awful.
- Dwight Schrute: You have no idea. I mean her hair, her clothes, its all falling off in great, big clumps. And we need someone to go out there and clean her up. We had a nurse, but she quit, because she was "poisoned" by Aunt Shirley.
- Angela Martin-Lipton: What do you mean by poisoned?
- Dwight Schrute: Probably nothing. Or Strychnine. Or Lemonade and Strychnine, which is actually what it was.
- Dwight Schrute: No, don't just let her eat the grass, she'll puke it right up. Okay, just put out two bowls and see which feed she prefers. I'm sorry to be taking up so much of your precious time, Mose, but she's your aunt too,
- Andy Bernard: You guys are supposed to have my back, okay? Instead, you let a guy named Plop steal my girlfriend.
- Meredith Palmer: Hey boss, I did everything I could. I invited Pete out for drinks. I emailed him shots of my junk.
- Pete Miller: It just occurred to me that Andy has been calling me "Plop" for so long, he forgot my real name.
- Dwight Schrute: There's parts of her I don't even recognize. There's this one hanging part in particular that's some sort of flap. It's like a prehensile wing or something.
- Alice: How's that P.E. degree coming? That's what he wanted to be. His dream in college was to be a gym teacher.
- Erin Hannon: Well guess what, he could still be a gym teacher. In fact, we could all still be gym teachers, so...
- Gabe Lewis: I technically cannot. I don't have the lung capacity to blow the whistle.