Demo Reel (TV Series)

The Review Must Go On (2013)

Doug Walker: Donnie DuPre, Nostalgia Critic, Douchey McNitpick, Self

Quotes 

• Doug Walker : [Doug sits opposite the Critic and stares him down]  Some ground rules.

  Nostalgia Critic : Fair enough.

  Doug Walker : Reviews every two weeks.

  Nostalgia Critic : Two weeks?

  Doug Walker : Maybe every other week I can do a mini-review or a film editorial but if we still want these jokes to still be fresh and funny, I need more time on them and that's gonna be two weeks.

  Nostalgia Critic : So be it. Rule two, no more cutoff dates.

  Doug Walker : What?

  Nostalgia Critic : I want to review whatever I want whenever I want.

  Doug Walker : But you're the Nostalgia Critic. It's in your name.

  Nostalgia Critic : I won't review anything currently in theaters. And besides, if you're seeing something after it came out in the cinema doesn't that technically make it nostalgic?

  Doug Walker : Well, I guess horrible films aren't restricted to just one time period.

  Nostalgia Critic : Very true.

  Doug Walker : One last condition.

  Nostalgia Critic : Yeeessss?

  Doug Walker : [picks up the Timothy Green DVD]  This has to be the first review.

  Nostalgia Critic : Why?

  Doug Walker : This is the movie that brought you back. That made me realize I could actually do this again. I feel like I owe it.

  Nostalgia Critic : But nobody saw it! I don't even know how many people remember it.

  Doug Walker : Maybe it's to show that even something that's regarded as terrible or forgettable can still inspire something creative.

  Nostalgia Critic : Done.

• Tacoma Narrows : First thing's first. All our hopes rest on the Nostalgia Critic. People will love that.

  Donnie DuPre : What did you say?

  Tacoma Narrows : I said all our hopes rest on nostalgia. Critics like that and the people will too.

• Doug Walker : I made a choice, you know. I... just felt that it was the right time to go.

  Lewis Lovhaug : Your fans didn't seem to think so.

  Doug Walker : Oh! Did they notice? The ass-number of e-mails asking the Critic to come back didn't seem to tip me off! I can't just do it for the fans though. I gotta do it cause I want to do it.

• Nostalgia Critic : Every single time you thought you were done with it you came up with something better. When you had time to think, time to focus, time to put that extra effort in. But you had anniversary movies, conventions, other shows, your own life to live. All trying to write, act, and edit a 20 minute video every single week. Face it buddy, you weren't done yet. You just hit burnout.

• Doug Walker : I'm not going back.

  Nostalgia Critic : Yeah?

  [leans in closer to his camera] 

  Nostalgia Critic : Then why don't you just make me go away?

• Nostalgia Critic : Hello. I'm the Nostalgia Critic and I'm back to remember it so you don't have to.

• BFF Nella : [to Rob]  Hey, Doug! Yeah, that's right. I'm talking to you! You shouldn't be the Nostalgia Critc anymore! You should go off and do those new things. Everybody loves them! Don't believe the haters, man. Just don't be doing Nostalgia Critic anymore. So there.

  Doug Walker : [on answering machine]  Hey, it's Doug! Leave a message at the beep.

  Rob Walker : Hey, Doug, it's Rob. Um, I'm never travelling to New York again.

• Donnie DuPre : I think I'm going to have myself committed.

  Tacoma Narrows : It's OK. I've already called an ambulance.

  Donnie DuPre : Thanks. You're a good friend. I think.

• Todd in the Shadows : What the hell are you doing in my video?

  Nostalgia Critic : Oh, piss off, Alfred Hitchcock.

  Todd in the Shadows : Get the hell out!

  Nostalgia Critic : You get the hell out!

  Todd in the Shadows : I live here!

  Nostalgia Critic : Bite me, Hamburglar!

• Nostalgia Critic : Say, have you ever Googled 'do a barrel roll'? It's really cool!

• Doug Walker : What am I supposed to go back to anyway? Quoting memes and running jokes?

  Nostalgia Critic : It isn't always about memes and running jokes. It's about that passion for film and that love of making people laugh. And I know you still have a hunger for both.

• Rebecca Stone : How are you with Carmen Sandiego?

  Donnie DuPre : A Carmen Sandiego movie?

  Rebecca Stone : Except we don't half-ass it like those other video game movies. We throw everything we can into it.

  Tacoma Narrows : For example, it opens up with the assassination of Abraham Lincoln.

  Rebecca Stone : Except Lincoln turns around and BLOWS John Wilkes Booth away.

  Donnie DuPre : How is that possible?

  Tacoma Narrows : Carmen Sandiego has stolen a time machine and she's going back through history settling all of history's greatest scores.

  Rebecca Stone : Killing Hitler, letting Crazy Horse win and then stealing all their shit.

  Tacoma Narrows : So the police are not only trying to arrest her for thievery but they're also trying to award her the medal of honor.

  Donnie DuPre : Cool. I like it. It makes her complex.

• Doug Walker : [on the phone]  I ordered the original Odd Couple, not The Odd Life of Timothy Green. I don't even think it's the real movie. I think it's a pirated version... Well, that's all fine and good. What am supposed to do with this?... Oh, I see. Plant it in the back and see if the real movie grows, huh? Screw you!

• Plot Hole : So, what are you waiting for, Critic? There's a whole world to criticize.

  Donnie DuPre : But what about them?

  Plot Hole : They belong to the Plot Hole now. As soon as you leave.

  Donnie DuPre : But I've gotten to know 'em and...

  Tacoma Narrows : Hey, don't worry about us.

  Rebecca Stone : Yeah, we've gotten through tougher scrapes.

  Quinn : Like killer turkeys.

  Carl Copenhagen : Und Swedish terrorists.

  Donnie DuPre : Sure?

  Tacoma Narrows : Yeah.

  Rebecca Stone : I think you learned your lesson.

  Quinn : But if you ever need a reminder, you know where to find us.

  Carl Copenhagen : Now walk through zat portal and face your destiny. Zat's an order.

  Donnie DuPre : Thanks, guys.

• Lewis Lovhaug : Oh hey, Pollo and Harvey say hi too!

  Doug Walker : Lewis? Buddy? Are you convinced that the characters from your show are real people?

  Lewis Lovhaug : Doug, of course not! I'm not deranged. It's just Pollo and Harvey that are real.

• Doug Walker : You're not real. You're just a fragment of my not very concernable imagination.

  Nostalgia Critic : Maybe. Or maybe it's like what you said before.

  Doug Walker : And what did I say before?

  Nostalgia Critic : How a character can become so real that they cease being a character. They become ingrained in your mind, and you can't get rid of them no matter how hard you try. Even to the point where they take on a life of their own.

  Doug Walker : No. You were the buried remains of some nostalgia that I have left behind.

  Nostalgia Critic : Oh, isn't that cute? You're nostalgic for the Nostalgia Critic.

• Brad Jones : Hello?

  Doug Walker : Hey Brad! I'm having a debate on whether or not to bring the Nostalgia Critic back.

  Brad Jones : Oh, well. Ha ha ha! I don't care

• Donnie DuPre : Oh... my... God. You son of a bitch! Do you have any idea how much this shit scarred me? Do you have any idea the hell I had to go through here? I was a godawful filmmaker! I made movies that nobody liked! I tried telling everybody my good intentions but no one ever listened to me! I was a horrible child star actor! My mother was destroyed by the Hollywood system! This is the worst possible punishment that could ever be devised for me! Sweet Jesus tap dancing Christ with dinner, a show and a kiss goodnight!

  Plot Hole : Yes.

  Donnie DuPre : AND?

  Plot Hole : But perhaps now, you're a little wiser. Everyone you criticize from this point on has a face. In every way, they are just like you. They work hard, they feel pain, they laugh, they cry. And when you mock them, you also mock yourself. You can still criticize all you want but deep down inside, you'll always know what it's like to be on the other side. And never truly forget.

  Donnie DuPre : So now what?

  Plot Hole : Now it's time to go back... and review again.

  Donnie DuPre : Wait! What about the Plot Hole? I mean, I was sent in to keep it stable and I couldn't do it. Someone has to sacrifice their life to obsess over all the little mistakes of the world.

  Plot Hole : It's all right. I found someone obsessed with mistakes and who had no life worth sacrificing.

  [We cut to Douchey McNitpick inside the Plot Hole overlooking the Earth. Each time he notices a mistake he zaps it] 

  Douchey McNitpick : There's a mistake! There's a mistake! There's a mistake! Oh my God! This is the worst job ever!