About Alex (2014)

Max Greenfield: Josh

Photos 

Quotes 

• Josh : The only thing I hate more than the present is nostalgia for the past.

• Sarah : You're a dick.

  Josh : Yeah. All men are dicks, Sarah. We're hardwired that way.

  Sarah : Yeah, but you're a dick who thinks he's better than a dick because he can back up his dickish behavior with psychobabble and pseudoscience.

• Josh : Let me tell you something about Bruce Springsteen, okay? Never trust anyone who is that passionate about the state of New Jersey.

• Sarah : So, we are all doomed, romantically speaking.

  Alex : Only on like a deep karmic level.

  Josh : For whatever reason, I'm strangely okay with that.

• Josh : The Japanese are the most wacked-out people on earth.

  Sarah : Oh my God, you're like an 8 year-old racist.

  Josh : An 8 year-old racist... Look, you cram that many people on an island, it's like a throbbing inbred hothouse of cultural miasma. Frankly, I'm surprised they don't have more fetishes.

• Josh : Sometimes things, they need to be said. And in those instances, being an asshole comes in handy.

• Siri : Josh, I really fucked up.

  Josh : I know. He'll get past it. It's ironic, though.

  Siri : Why?

  Josh : I just thought that if you were ever going to slip up, it would be with me.

• [last lines] 

  Josh : [posing for group picture]  Alright, posture everyone.

  Kate : [holding the camera]  Uh, I'm going to need you to get a lot closer together than that.

  Sarah : Okay.

  Ben : Come on, come on.

  [arm around Alex] 

  Josh : Alright. I'm going to pose a quick idea, you guys. Maybe next time we do this, it's a happy occasion.

  Alex : Is there going to be a next time?

  Isaac : Uh oh.

  Sarah : Alex...

  Kate : Okay. One, two...

• Josh : I taught you all of Calc 21 and then you went off and did better than me on the exam; I'm not teaching you how to chop wood.

• Isaac : So, what are we making, Sarah?

  Sarah : We are making chilled watermelon soup and sea scallop risotto.

  Josh : What? What are we making again?

  Sarah : I'm sorry, can you do something helpful?

  Josh : Did you say risotto?

  Sarah : Can you please do something helpful?

  Josh : The joint is not going to roll itself, Sarah. And I am making a magical appetizer dish that is going to make your risotto taste so much better.

• Josh : Alex, where did you get these records? I feel like I'm at a garage sale.

  Alex : I bought them at a garage sale.

• [first lines] 

  Night Editor : [entering]  Ben. Your page's set?

  Ben : Mm, yep. Almost.

  [looking at picture] 

  Ben : Jesus, Alex.

  [answering the phone] 

  Ben : Hello? Yes, this is him, but I'm at work. So...

  Josh : [now answering his phone]  Used to have a freshman roommate named "Ben", but that ass-wad hasn't called me in ages. What?

  Sarah : [on her phone]  And no one was there? He was... Alone? Yeah, of course he was alone. That was stupid. Yeah, I can probably get up in a couple hours. I just need a little bit of time to get out of here.

  [more work gets set on her desk] 

  Isaac : [walking while on his phone]  Well, he's gonna be okay. That's the most important thing. Okay.

  [checking incoming call] 

  Isaac : I gotta take this. Hang on a sec... Babe? Yeah, I'm fine. Just got to the office - I'm gonna leave from there.

• Josh : Sarah!

  Sarah : What?

  Josh : Enough with the fucking pictures.

  Sarah : I'm sorry, I'm recording this for posterity. Is that okay?

  Josh : By what? By ruining it in the present?

  Sarah : No, that's your job.

• Josh : Ben, can I ask you something? Was it difficult, as a couple, when the iPhone 4s came out? Because I can imagine, here you are, minding your own business, and then everybody's asking her a question.

  Ben : You're a fucking idiot.

• Alex : I've got great southern exposure, so I was thinking of installing a solar array. And um, maybe a few rainwater basins too.

  Josh : That sounds great, Alex. Then you'd have everything you need to start a cult.

• Sarah : Maybe we should make one of those pacts where if we're still single when we're 35, we all just get married.

  Alex : Who, the *three* of us?

  Sarah : Yes, and Timmy of course.

  [indicating the dog] 

  Sarah : We'll make a great dysfunctional family. How's that sound Timmy?

  Josh : I'd consider it.

• Ben : I can't remember what happened last, me writing something good or me and Siri having sex.

  Josh : So basically what you're saying is that you're *blocked* in more ways than one.

• Josh : I figured that I would be far less curious now if I'd just done a better job of...

  Alex : ...doing more drugs in college.

• Josh : Give me a break, I'm not listening to that.

  Ben : What?

  Josh : It's like we're gripped by this never-ending nostalgia for our parents' music. It's oppressive.