Between Two Ferns with Zach Galifianakis (TV Series)

Oscar Buzz Edition Part 2 (2013)

Bradley Cooper: Self

Quotes 

• Himself - Host : I read that you gained twenty-five pounds for the movie?

  Sally Field : I did

  Himself - Host : how'd you do that? Eat Anne Hathaway?

  Sally Field : [hums, thinking of a response] 

  Himself - Host : [referring to Lincoln is on the penny of the United States currency, she played Lincoln's wife in the movie Lincoln]  do you look at a Penny differently, now that you've been in Lincoln? Does it, does that...

  Sally Field : [interrupts him]  I just have to say something really, really honestly, I hate pennies.

  Himself - Host : [looks confused, remains silent] 

  Sally Field : I hate them

  Himself - Host : so, you're not Jewish?

  Sally Field : [looks confused]  not that I know of, I think I'm Catholic

  Himself - Host : well I'd like to thank Sally Field for coming to the show...

  Sally Field : [interrupts him]  absolutely, very nice to be here

  Himself - Host : [interrupts her]  and really, really, really a pleasure

  Sally Field : yes

  Sally Field : [under her breath]  ok

  Himself - Host : [Zach presses the red button, music comes on and Sally is escorted off stage by Misty] 

  Sally Field : [to Misty]  thank you so much

  Misty Monroe : [escorts and gestures Sally to the left]  we're going this way

  Himself - Host : [to the camera]  I'm very excited my guest a real pleasure to have him here because he doesn't a lot of interviews please welcome "Daniel Day Lewis"

  Emmanuel Lewis : [Emmanuel Lewis walks onto the stage and sits down] 

  Himself - Host : [looks at his notes, confused] 

  Himself - Host : [Misty walks onto the stage and escorts Emmanuel Lewis off stage, to Emmanuel Lewis, to Emmanuel Lewis]  bye

  Bradley Cooper : [Bradley Cooper walks onto the stage and sits down]  hey

  Himself - Host : welcome Bradley Cooper

  Bradley Cooper : good to be here

• Himself - Host : nice to see you here

  Bradley Cooper : nice to see you here again

  Himself - Host : I got your text about how bummed out you were when you found out it was the start of "black history month"

  Bradley Cooper : [leans closer, remains silent] 

  Himself - Host : were you nominated?

  Bradley Cooper : yeah

  Himself - Host : for what?

  Bradley Cooper : for best actor

  Himself - Host : how's "bragging camp going?"

  Bradley Cooper : [remains silent] 

  Himself - Host : I've written a speech

  Bradley Cooper : really? Thank you

  Himself - Host : [opening his suit jacket, takes out the speech, looks at it briefly, hands it to Bradley]  yeah, I've written a speech

  Bradley Cooper : [looking at the speech]  when did you write this?

  Himself - Host : [referring to the speech]  I spent couple weeks on it, test it out

  Bradley Cooper : [reading the speech]  thank you I just called Daniel Day Lewis and congratulated him on his victory so I wish I could fulfill my dream of being a talented, respected actor but the Academy chosen someone better, it just sucks, I'm a loser

  Himself - Host : [extends his arm towards Bradley, opens his hand]  I can punch it up, want me to?

  Himself - Host : [pointing to the speech]  that speech you didn't win

  Bradley Cooper : you don't make a concession speech

  Himself - Host : you should

  Bradley Cooper : [rubbing his eyes]  I just don't understand the first in my life I'm actually part of something, do you know what that means to me? To be a part of something? That's my "Achilles heel", I just want to be included...

  Himself - Host : [interrupts him, raising his voice]  then why didn't you just join the boy scouts? If you wanted to be a part of something?

  Bradley Cooper : [raising his voice]  I want to be a part of this community, I found like a fellow person I fucking love, I used to go see your stand up all the time...

  Himself - Host : [interrupts him]  it doesn't really play well, you know what I mean? This "victim card" you're playing

  Bradley Cooper : [talking over each other, raising his voice]  I'm not being a victim, I thought I was being a friend, I watch you fight with your brother all the time...

• Himself - Host : [talking over each other, raising his voice]  why bring that up now? My internet show...

  Bradley Cooper : [talking over each other]  all you care about is your God damn show...

  Himself - Host : [Bradley throws a fern tree in Zach's face]  all you care about is telling people...

  Bradley Cooper : this is a fucking joke, I can't stand it

  Himself - Host : [stands up in front of Bradley, blocking the camera]  you throw my ferns in my face?

  Bradley Cooper : [Zach, blocking the camera]  who gives a fuck...

  Bradley Cooper : [Bradley breaks the fern pot on Zach's head, Zach falls back, out of view] 

  Bradley Cooper : [shouting, getting up, walks over to the other fern and throws it on Zach, out of view]  I'm so sick of your ferns, it's fucking bullshit!

  Bradley Cooper : [looking down at Zach, out of view, walks off the stage]  I'll call you later

  Himself - Host : [trying to get up, his head is in view, Jessica Chastain, walks in, pushes his head back down, segment ends]