- Barney Stinson: [to Ted] Oh my God, can you just be cool? Once. Please! Just once!... Can you *just once* be cool? Once! Please!
- Barney Stinson: [about a couple who wanted to buy Barney's apartment] You turned them down?
- Robin Scherbatsky: Yeah, if I ask you to change too many things about yourself, you're not gonna be the man I fell in love with. Turns out I accept and appreciate even the grossest, creepiest, most sociopathic parts of you.
- Barney Stinson: Sounds like somebody just wrote her vows.
- [kisses Robin]
- Lily Aldrin: [the Captain tips off Lily about an art piece he wants to buy] Where is it?
- The Captain: Riker's Island. The artist is serving two consecutive life sentences for aggravated homicide. I'm willing to go as high as six cartons of cigarettes and a jug of toilet wine.