The Big Bang Theory (TV Series)

The Closure Alternative (2013)

Jim Parsons: Sheldon Cooper

Photos 

Quotes 

• Sheldon Cooper : They can't just cancel a show like Alphas. You know, they have to help the viewers let go. Firefly did a movie to wrap things up. Buffy the Vampire Slayer continued on as a comic book. Heroes gradually lowered the quality season by season till we were grateful it ended.

• Sheldon Cooper : You don't know what it feels like to feel completely frustrated, to have a desire built up and be denied any opportunity for release.

  Amy Farrah Fowler : [Gives Sheldon a death stare]  Yeah, sounds like a drag.

• Sheldon Cooper : Tic-tac-toe can only end in win, lose or draw; none of which will deny me closure. Especially since I'm about to win.

  [Amy erases the game before Sheldon can finish] 

  Sheldon Cooper : But we didn't finish.

  Amy Farrah Fowler : Exactly. How does that make you feel?

  Sheldon Cooper : The same way any normal person would. I feel like I want to peel off my own face and tear it in two, and then again and again 'till I have a handful of Sheldon face confetti.

• Amy Farrah Fowler : [Has a birthday cake prepared for Sheldon]  Make a wish and blow out the candles.

  [Sheldon blows out the candles, but Amy blocks one with a paper plate] 

  Amy Farrah Fowler : Oops, you missed one. Now your wish won't come true.

  Sheldon Cooper : Lucky for you, cause I wished you were dead.

• Penny : Sheldon, you big weirdo. I want you to know that I love you're in my life.

  Sheldon Cooper : [On the floor in ecstasy after undoing all of Amy's closure avoidance therapy]  And I love you, too!

• Amy Farrah Fowler : You know, Sheldon, sometimes people seek the comfort of physical contact in moments like this.

  Sheldon Cooper : [pause as he considers this]  I am not flying back to Texas just so my mom can give me a hug.

• Penny : Sheldon, there are two dumplings left; do you want 'em?

  Sheldon Cooper : Dumplings! Don't you understand what's going on here?

  Penny : As a rule, no.

• [first lines] 

  Sheldon Cooper : Oh dear! Penny, have you been recording shows on our DVR again?

  Penny : No.

  Sheldon Cooper : Answer honestly; this is not a trial. That'll come later.

  Penny : Absolutely not.

  [quietly to Leonard] 

  Penny : Help me out here; I can't afford another demerit.

  Leonard Hofstadter : Uh, maybe we were hacked. You know, the Chinese have been hacking everything lately.

  Sheldon Cooper : Why would the Chinese make our DVR record 'Paul Blart: Mall Cop'?

  Leonard Hofstadter : I don't know... It's a fat guy on a Segway; that's funny everywhere.

  Sheldon Cooper : I'm deleting it.

  Penny : Well, hang on! Maybe the Chinese haven't finished watching it yet.

• Sheldon Cooper : I do not have a compulsive need for closure.

  Amy Farrah Fowler : Oh, really?

  [Knocks "Shave and a Haircut" on table] 

  Sheldon Cooper : [after an awkward pause, knocks "Two Bits"]  That proves nothing.

• Sheldon Cooper : I must say, I was skeptical at first, but this turned out to be a transformative evening.

  Amy Farrah Fowler : I'm surprised of how positive you are.

  Sheldon Cooper : You're an excellent neuroscientist, a wonderful girlfriend, and...

  Amy Farrah Fowler : And?

  Sheldon Cooper : It hardly matters now, does it?

  Amy Farrah Fowler : I'm proud of you, Sheldon.

  [Leaves] 

  Sheldon Cooper : [after closing the door]  And a complete sucker!

• Amy Farrah Fowler : I've come up with a series of exercises to help with your compulsive need for closure.

  Sheldon Cooper : I take issue with the word compulsive.

  Amy Farrah Fowler : All I'm saying is we live in a world where closure isn't always an op...

  Sheldon Cooper : ---tion. Okay.

• Sheldon Cooper : Hello, uh, is this the Bruce Miller who wrote the season finale of Alphas?... Oh, smashing. Yeah, you already sound nicer than the last Bruce Miller who suggested I have sexual relations with myself. Yeah, now, down to business. Um, your show ended on a cliffhanger. Could you please tell me how you planned to resolve it?... Uh-huh... mm-hmm... I see... Well, that all stinks. No wonder you got cancelled. Bye.