- Homer Simpson: You want to erase the 2009 Oscar red carpet? But they had some amazing dresses, along with a few disasters!
- Marge Simpson: Fine, then what should I erase?
- Homer Simpson: I don't know, but hands off my Hoarders, don't erase any of my episodes of Episodes, and if you erase any of my episodes of Revenge...
- Homer Simpson: First we have to make sure you're okay. Who's President now?
- Moe Szyslak: Some jerk.
- Homer Simpson: He's okay.
- Marge Simpson: While we're away, Grampa is going to take care of you.
- Abraham Simpson: [Giving baby food to the mailbox] You sure are a good eater, Maggie.
- Marge Simpson: Bart, you take care of Grampa.
- [last lines]
- Moe Szyslak: [to noose] Sorry, not today, old friend. But don't worry, holidays are just around the corner.
- Stranger: [Bumps into Moe] Oh, sorry, pal.
- Moe Szyslak: Sorry, pal? That's common courtesy, the kind I've only seen in the movies.
- Abraham Simpson: I want a foot rub.
- Bart Simpson: But do you need a foot rub?
- Abraham Simpson: No one needs a foot rub. Now start rubbing!
- Moe Szyslak: Without my magic suit, I'm nothin'.
- Marge Simpson: Moe, have you ever heard the story of Dumbo the elephant?
- Moe Szyslak: I didn't go to the movies much as a child. I worked at a pierogi factory. Stick in the potato, fold in the dough, that was my Star Wars.
- Marge Simpson: Dumbo had a magic feather that made him fly, but then he found out that the feather wasn't magic. The magic was inside him all along.
- Lisa Simpson: Let me get this straight: Moe is Dumbo, the whiskey is Dumbo's ears, and we're that bunch of racist crows?
- Homer Simpson: Honey, the crows weren't racist. The people who drew them were.
- Bart Simpson: So I did all of that for nothing?
- Abraham Simpson: Sorry, I faked it like we fake loving your homemade gifts.
- Bart Simpson: But mom said it was made with love.
- Abraham Simpson: Did she?
- Bart Simpson: No.
- Abraham Simpson: But what you did wasn't for nothing. You made these last two weeks the best two weeks of this horrible part of my life.
- Bart Simpson: Aw, Grampa. You're the one thing I've ever taken care of that didn't die.
- Abraham Simpson: I get that a lot.
- Carl: Capital City has a twin?
- Lenny Leonard: It moved to California to become a star, but it just ended up turning into Glendale.