- Miles: I'm probably not gonna seduce her, but I can't promise she's not going to seduce me. Bottom line is, it's a safe space. And you're welcome to hang out whenever because you're Clara's personal sex object slash concubine.
- Chet: I am not a concubine. I am a freelance journalist.
- Wilder: Same thing.
- Miles: Pack up, rookie. We're going to Jazzville.
- Clara: Chet, what are you doing here?
- Chet: Oh you know, just visiting my lady at work. Showing my lady some love. Making sure you're staying... clothed.
- Miles: Clara, you beautiful idiot. Somebody needed a clear correlation to be made. Cops are dumb, but pianos are dumber.
- Mensch: Look at me, my name's Trash Hanks, like Tom Hanks but trash.
- Miles: You look like you were in The Temptations.
- Buddy: Me? I'm just a statue of a black guy. But I do a good "My Girl".
- O'Hara: Any second now the 88s will descend upon the police station, thirsting for justice. They'll launch an all-out war against the police of this "great" city. And when the dust settles, I'll be QUEEN OF THE WORLD.
- Mensch: Oh, definitement. Miles is going to bleep your girlfriend.
- Piano Minion: Don't play games with us, cop! His body was in the police station's parking lot. You know Beethoven was my best friend? He taught me chopsticks! And now he's dead!
- Baby Grand: Charlie, calm down.
- Piano Minion: Damn you fleshy two-leggers!
- Clara: But why would the 88s use my computer to write Castle fanfiction?
- Mensch: Uhhh, scoundrels! Monsters! Demons! Email it to me so that I can see the true extent of their villainy!
- Clara: What's your address?
- Mensch: castlelovesbeckett@gmail.com.