The Cinema Snob (TV Series)

In Search of the Wow Wow Wibble Woggle Wazzie Woodle Woo (2013)

Brad Jones: Cinema Snob

Quotes 

• Tim Noah : I love you.

  Cinema Snob : [flirty tone]  Slow down. It's a little too soon, Tim. We've only just met and I already think you also have severed heads in your closet.

  Tim's Imagination : Hmmm... Let's see now. What can I do with mashed potatoes?

  [Door slowly closes] 

  Cinema Snob : Ummm... you can eat them. Please, please. For the love of God, just eat them.

• Cinema Snob : [Opening lines]  Why is it that the more wholesome the movie is on this show the more likely it is to give you nightmares? So with that in mind, kick back, sneak a little of your grandpa's LSD and prepare yourself for In Search of the Wah-Wah Wizzle... Wobble... Something. You know what? No, no. No I am not saying the full title of this film because I'm not a fucking idiot.

• Cinema Snob : I'm sorry. Is that music? It sounds like Salacious Crumb jerking off. I get those two confused sometimes.

• DJ on Radio : I've got a message for you. Don't look in the closet.

  Cinema Snob : Oh don't worry about that, I'm pretty sure he's still in the closet.

• Cinema Snob : Oh, shit. It's the Anipals. I knew there was something in this room that had a hand up its ass.

• Tim Noah : This must be where Tarzan lives. Probably has lots of animals for friends. Never has to do any homework.

  Cinema Snob : Neither do you. You're 30.

• Tim's Mother : Tim! Are you in there?

  Tim Noah : Yeah, Mom. I'm here.

  Tim's Mother : How did your lunch box get smashed?

  Cinema Snob : Hey, hey. Tim lives with his mom.

  [points to his face smiling] 

  Cinema Snob : This is me being surprised by this.

• Tim's Imagination : Too bad too. We're just getting to the good part.

  Cinema Snob : It isn't just me. Even the movie knows that so far it sucked. Thank god we're now at the good part.

  Tim's Imagination : Well, I guess you won't be needing your magic powers then.

  Cinema Snob : This is the fucking good part?

  [Magic robe falls from the ceiling] 

  Cinema Snob : Here, I need you to put on this costume and escort Waldo to the land of Giants.

  [Tim puts on magician's costume] 

  Cinema Snob : Great. Now he looks like that prick I always wanted to strangle in Super Mario World.

• Tim Noah : [singing while dumping stardust out of his hat]  And my hat is full of stardust.

  Cinema Snob : [laughing]  That's the cocaine! You feeling the effects yet, Tim? I know you are!

• Tim Noah : [singing]  Sunshine morning...

  Cinema Snob : You've been fucking around in your room all day, asshole. It's like 6 pm out there, loser.

• Cinema Snob : And now he and us have finally ended up in children's entertainment hell.

  Tim Noah : I miss you. Think I'll go in the closet.

  Cinema Snob : Tim... no. Just... stop, honey.

• Tim Noah : [singing]  When you can't reach to scratch an itch. Well that's what friends are for...

  Cinema Snob : Really? You mean I've spent years scratching away at my jock itch when I could have easily had my friends do it?

• Cinema Snob : Are we ever going to see this Wicker Bricker Weed Whacker they keep singing about?

  Tim Noah : That's what I'm talking about! The Wow Wow Wibble Woggle Wazzie Woodle Woo! It's me and you, man!

  Cinema Snob : What? So in other words, this movie should be called In Search for Nothing?

  Tim Noah : Together, we can do anything!

  Cinema Snob : No you can't! You promised us a Wow Wow Wibble Wobble Bubble and came through with nothing! You're the dirty Christmas of children's entertainers.

• Cinema Snob : [Tim comes out of the closet dressed in a marching band leader's uniform]  He just got picked last in the picked last competition. He's so American he tastes like pancakes.

• Tim Noah : Just look at this room! It looks like it's been hit by a... tor... uh, hur... an... an... ear... a tor-hura-quake!

  Cinema Snob : Yeah and whose fault is that? Don't shoot rocket launchers in the house if you don't want to get in trouble with your 60-year-old mom.

• Cinema Snob : Tim leads a very weird life. He lives inside of the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man's stomach, and yet he still manages to be the whitest thing in the room.

• Cinema Snob : Kirk Cameron's Evolution of Dance was weird. The dancing's not that good, it lacks actual evolution, and it's kinda bigoted. Though not even Kirk Cameron is in this much denial.

• Tim Noah : [phone is ringing]  Telephone. Wait a minute! There's no telephone in here!

  Cinema Snob : Um, there is clearly a phone in there. I can hear it ringing!

  Tim Noah : [picks up soda bottle and puts it to ear]  Hello?

  Cinema Snob : That's a fucking bottle!

• Tim's Imagination : Try... the jungle.

  Cinema Snob : Is this the jungle, or a bunch of peacocks playing a horrible game of Hide & Seek?