American Beach House (2015) User Reviews

As shallow and cheap as you might think

[quincytheodore · 2/10 · 8 August 2015]

Let's be honest, the most interest this movie generates is from curiosity, either by how they drag Lorenzo Lamas or how much attractive girls in poster will shed their clothes. That is much more attention than this movie deserves, as it has no appeal whatsoever aside from few superficial flashes of half-naked ladies, even that is debatable as merit.

It's like a parody of reality show, and would have been funny if it didn't try to shoehorn cringe worthy romcom script. Nothing more than a few people prancing in beach, the drama is barren at best and the comedy is so outdated, it wouldn't have worked even in 80s.

All characters don't look authentic, and Lorenzo Lamas pops up every now and then to offer vague advice and grope random girls. There are even awkward soundtracks to accompany the whole lackluster parade.

A few good looking people in bikini can't sugarcoat how bad this movie is. Highly recommended to avoid.

WWTMIA

[nogodnomasters · 4/10 · 24 October 2018]

Three babes and three hunks, all strangers, are selected to spend a week at a beach house with no rules. It is just a question of who hooks up with whom and the little bit a drama to go along with it in order to give this sinker some social value. The humor is slap stick and below sophomoric teen sex humor. The characters were unreal and were given single line introductions.

2 stars for the nudity

Guide: F-bomb, sex, nudity -Rachel Lynn David, Christiane Kroll (Birdemic 2), and Jena Sims (50 ft Cheerleader) Britanni Johnson (uncredited)

Only see it if you want to see The PGA and US Open Champion's Girlfriend Topless

[John-76 · 4/10 · 15 August 2018]

This is the only redeeming quality of the movie! :-)

Disappointing

[ovidemeertens · 1/10 · 25 July 2015]

Bad actors, bad storyline, bad idea! This could be one of the worst movies I have seen. It is suppoosten to be a comedy, but I don't get the humor. My mistake, I looked at the movie rating, but I didn't notice there were only 6 ratings. My guess is that this movie won't even get more than 10 ratings. Even if you are home on a rainy day with a hangover, this movie is still bad. So Save Your Money And Time and look further. I stopped looking after 10 mins. Then I watched a movie called "trash". A way better choice than this one. So please to whoever reads this, think again. Choose another movie. There is lot more to offer.

It's amazing that anyone ever wanted to fund this

[gunter_leon · 1/10 · 1 October 2015]

It has some sexy ladies in it. But so does an adult movie, and they have better story lines than this thing.

An IMDb review needs to have 10 lines. But there's not that much to say about this movie. It's supposed to be a comedy. But it's less funny than a funeral.

Don't spend your time on this movie. Just stare at your wall for an hour and a half. It will be equally boring, but you won't feel so annoyed after it.

I'm halfway through the movie now. Time to switch it off. If anyone's looking for me, I will be staring at my wall...

I'd rather watch reruns of Trump's daily speech on Fox

[DJGillin28 · 1/10 · 21 April 2020]

Mischa Barton's Film career I'm guessing ended on this low budget tasteless rotten egg.

The story was a corny version of American Pie. There is nothing unique here it's only been done About 10,000 times by every amateur hour film school student for fun.

Cute girls and an attempt to bring Hollywood in with a decent performance from a typical lying agent summarize the highlights of this film.

It was Hard to watch. It looked like it was shot on an iPhone 4. The Cinematography and color was soft and had a dull yellow tint out doors. I give it a D

Oh my god!

[lucas-abc · 1/10 · 8 August 2015]

Oh my god! That was one of the worst movies ever. I wanted to see Mischa Barton somewhere but I shouldn't do that. Everything in this movie is wrong. Actors, story. I was so annoyed by this movie I had to skip some parts because I couldn't see the whole thing. It is called comedy but I didn't laugh. Parts with the old woman were terrible, I guess they thought this is very funny but it wasn't. And Lorenzo Lamas was terrible too. One little good thing was music - that was sometimes OK. But that isn't enough. I wanted to relax a little but I was just disappointed.

So warning to you all, you don't wanna see it - for your own good :D. My rate would be zero but it isn't possible so I gave 1.

there are no sexy ladies

[sandcrab277 · 1/10 · 4 October 2018]

Mischa barton isn't even 30 but has a deep husky voice and an overbite that suggests she loves something other than lollipops...this film should have reached the ashcan before it was printed and the boy toys and smelly tacos should have spoiled in the bread basket ... this film is worst at best

plain crap

[sandcrab277 · 1/10 · 4 October 2018]

Some young guy had a fantasy and tried to make it come true ... Rachel Lynn David was absolutely horrible ... i doubt she could get a hard on from a 12 years old ... mischa barton sounded like she was 40 and totally hosed ...the lamas kid was a waste of time ... hung like a an orang indeed ... thats at least 2 inches ... this piece of garbage couldn;t get much worse

Is it out for Sale?

[DJGillin28-953-64857 · 1/10 · 24 September 2015]

I am so anxious to watch this movie despite all the horrible reviews? Why? Because I have worked with Straw and since we made a film together I wanted to see if his own film would have the same flavor as what he spun in my movie in post. After these remarks I have read on his film, my thoughts of his work are just his work. Guess my not being pleased with the edit confirm it's his actual style which mirror the comments of the viewers of bad humor, random hot girls for show with no depth to the story etc...Its tough to make a film today and in all defense of the film in question...at least it got made I guess. Touche Straw. You are still doing it! Congrats

Tied for the best movie I have ever seen

[jd-r-w · 10/10 · 20 December 2015]

Why do I want to write the 6th comment on American Beach House? I am not sure - almost everything that could be possibly said about it has been said. But like so many other people who wrote comments, I was and am profoundly moved by this simple and eloquent depiction of hope and friendship and redemption.

The only other movie I have ever seen that effects me as strongly is To Kill a Mockingbird. Both movies leave me feeling cleaner for having watched them.

I didn't intend to see this movie at all: I do not like beach house movies and I don't normally watch them. I work at a branch library and one day as I was checking American Beach House out to one of our older patrons, she said to me, "Whenever I feel down or depressed, I check out this movie and watch it and it always makes me feel better." At the time, I thought that was very strange. One day there was nothing on TV except things I absolutely would not watch under any circumstance or things that I had seen too many times already. I remembered what she said, so I watched it. I have watched it many many times since then and it gets better with every showing.

No action, no special effects - just people in a beach house talking to each other.

American Beach House and To Kill a Mockingbird are the best movies I have ever seen. I do not judge it by it's technical merits - I don't really care about that. I have read that Citizen Kane or The Godfather or this or that movie is the best movie ever made. They may have the best technique or be the most influential motion pictures ever made, but not the best. The best movies are ones that touch the soul. It takes a movie like American Beach House to touch the soul.

4 Beautiful women.......

[ant36au · 1/10 · 11 February 2021]

.....one giant stinker of a movie that has absolutely nothing to redeem it other than the beautiful ladies.

Shallow reality tv-esque drama

[Floated2 · 3/10 · 21 March 2024]

Starring Mischa Barton as the host of an apparent contest in which enraged three men and three women joining together in a lavish beach house for a week. Apparently no rules and no consequences were held in this house with characters being able to do whatever.

This is a light sappy reality tv type drama with juvenile humor. It has the feel of reality competitive series Big Brother without any competitive games and far less people in the house. The comedy includes toilet humor and nothing is really clever or memorable.

Mischa Barton is the highlight playing the host while she welcomes these six contestants. Most of the characters are relatively one dimensional with each one of course hooking up with another. Shallow characters are expected. The hookups are predictable save for perhaps Barton's character, but there were some slight clues along the way.

There is character development to be had on the end and does have some emotion to it but overall the film just has that sappy feel about it. Fans of relative tv competition types may enjoy the film for what it is.

Favorite romantic comedy

[mr-47962 · 10/10 · 18 April 2023]

First off I must say anyone who says this movie sucks or stinks doesn't deserve to watch movies and wouldn't know a good movie if it bit them in the butt. Personally, I love this movie. I have watched it three times and I would watch it again and again. It has just the right mix of love, comedy and even though it's not really needed for me to enjoy a movie plenty of girl like fun. If you know what I mean. I really connect with the dark haired girl in it. My dad ran off on me and my mom when I was two so I kind of know how she feels. When that sort of thing happens it makes it hard to actually give your heart to someone. I know that for a fact, personally and non personally. What I'm saying is I have never really given love a chance myself. I think that's one of the reasons I watch romantic comedies like this movie. So that maybe I will finally be able to open my heart to someone. To wrap this up I love this movie and hope that someday I'll be happy like they all end up being!

VERY INTERESTING MOVIE

[Rade007 · 10/10 · 26 October 2019]

I know the movie is not perfect and it don't deserve 10/10. But it doesn't deserve such a low score either. Movie is very interesting and it has one message for us,but obviousley other watchers didn't recognise it or they just stop watching after few minutes. Personaly I enjoyed,it's relaxable and funny. Real rating will be 5/10,but I gave 10 just to try to improve the overall rating.

This movie is Fire

[sijanbappy · 10/10 · 9 June 2020]

This movie is awesome, we need more movies like this. I watched it in 2016 but i still came back to give review... Full hot & dexy girls with big boobs & fun comedy makes this movie a must watch

It's a good movie

[fluffchop · 8/10 · 9 May 2023]

It's filled with emotions of love and peace and doesn't have hate or negativity. Nobody gets murdered. There is no blood and guts or gore. It has a nice beach. The characters are likeable. It touches on some deeper issues that you wouldn't expect to see from a movie of this type. It's easy to watch and it keeps you watching as one scene moves to another. It's humorous and touching. The low score on this site is just typical of people that don't know a good time when they see it. It's got a cute seal. Who doesn't like cute seals? I think it's a very good movie that doesn't pretend to be things it's not. It's well written and thought out. Sure it's covered in the guise of bikini babes but so what? Isn't that still real life?