- Rachel Tietz: Stay back!
- Nostalgia Critic: Rachel! Give me the bat!
- Rachel Tietz: Okay.
- [Throws bat into another room]
- Nostalgia Critic: Ha! You've just made the biggest mistake of your life!
- [He grabs the bat and Rachel shuts the door behind him]
- Nostalgia Critic: Uh, hey...
- Pete Watson: We had this lady here last summer, slit her wrists. Then there was this last caretaker Grady.
- John Torrance: What about him?
- Pete Watson: Shotgun. Both barrels.
- [sticks his fingers in his mouth imitating a shotgun]
- Nostalgia Critic: Sheesh. I hope he don't say this on all the hotel tours.
- Nostalgia Critic: [imitating Watson] And over there is the kitchen where Old Mary McCread cooked her husband.
- [imitates tourists screaming]
- Nostalgia Critic: [imitating Watson] Pipe down, he was delicious.
- Nostalgia Critic: Now, I of course, am to sophisticated to make jokes about a tiny little boy talking to a big black dick, but for the record, I'd like to show you how many opportunities I had to make a joke.
- Dick Hallorann: [in a montage] Gimme a blast. You're gonna come down the same peep with me. Nobody's gonna tell your daddy anything. Just look the other way and count to ten. I bet you just about glow in the damn dark. Just promise me you won't go in. This is between you and me.
- Danny Torrance: What do you want me to think?
- Dick Hallorann: Anything, as long as it's hard.
- Nostalgia Critic: I should get a medal for how many I'm avoiding.
- Wendy Torrance: You know what scares me?
- Nostalgia Critic: [angry] The idea that nothing SCARY will happen?