- Principal Skinner: Skate, skate as fast as you can. You can't outrun me, I'm the principal man. That's the kind of thing you could be learning right now.
- Lisa Simpson: Maybe competitive eating isn't the sport for you.
- Lucas Bortner: It's not just a sport. It's my life.
- Lisa Simpson: I mean, maybe we haven't found the right food for you. How about ice cream?
- Lucas Bortner: Sure. I can pound that cream.
- [90 seconds later]
- Lucas Bortner: [On the floor] Oh, my God, brain freeze! Kick my head until I pass out!
- [Lisa gives Lucas a tap on the head with her foot]
- Lucas Bortner: Harder! I'm still conscious!
- Milhouse Van Houten: A Playbox? I didn't know you had one!
- Bart Simpson: Neither did I.
- Milhouse Van Houten: Something's fishy, Bart. Where's the sales receipt? Where's the dessicant packet that says "Do not eat"? And believe me, you shouldn't.
- Bart Simpson: I think this game player was liberated from its former owner.
- Milhouse Van Houten: Liberated? You mean stolen?
- Bart Simpson: You can't spell crime without me.
- Milhouse Van Houten: C-R-I... there it is, at the end!
- [Snake is sentenced to death because of a Milhouse's charge]
- Milhouse: Bart, I'm so sorry. I just wanted to ruin his life, not end it.
- Chief Wiggum: Bart, we're in whatchamacallit... a pursuit!
- Bart: So why'd you come here? I run a respectable tree house.
- Chief Wiggum: Warm up the electric chair, Lou!
- [Lou is assembling a brand new electric chair]
- Chief Wiggum: You're not done yet?
- Lou: The instructions are in swedish, chief. We got this from "Ikillya".
- Snake: Yo, I totally speak swedish.
- Chief Wiggum: Fluently?
- Snake: Uhm... ja!
- Chief Wiggum: Do what he says, Lou.