- Jay Pritchett: I won't be able to hear her, she won't be able to see me.
- Gloria Delgado-Pritchett: We'll be together forever!
- Alex Dunphy: How can he be beating me at Words With Friends? It's impossible.
- Haley Dunphy: Shouldn't you be playing Words With Friends with friends?
- Alex Dunphy: Grandpa is my friend.
- Haley Dunphy: Yeah, that's not sad at all.
- Alex Dunphy: What?
- Manny Delgado: You call that folding? Where's that military precision?
- Jay Pritchett: We didn't fold many onesies in the Navy.
- Gloria Delgado-Pritchett: [Struggling to read a menu] I'll take this one. It looks good.
- Jay Pritchett: That's their address, Magoo.
- Alex Dunphy: That's it. Grandpa's cheating.
- Haley Dunphy: On Gloria? How can he possibly do any better?
- Alex Dunphy: No, I mean on this game. No one ever beats me.
- Haley Dunphy: Keep playing games with grandpa, and no one ever will.
- Phil Dunphy: You know how many times you've seen me fall off this ladder? Well, now it will happen less.
- Jay Pritchett: So what did the doctor say?
- Gloria Delgado-Pritchett: He said my eyes were perfect.
- Jay Pritchett: Where was he looking when he said that?