- [Parker dresses in a suit to impress Liv's former co-star]
- Pete Rooney: Looks like somebody has a crush on South.
- Parker Rooney: America, has a crush on South. I'm the guy who has a shot.
- [Joey tries to soothe his mother's fears over losing her husband to an old high school flame]
- Joey Rooney: One other thing; Dad married *you.*
- Karen Rooney: Well he did, didn't he? He could've married Christie Brinkley in there, but instead he chose Carol Burnett.
- Joey Rooney: I don't know who either of those two people are, but if it makes you happy, go with it.
- [Parker spots Liv's former co-star flirting with Diggie]
- Parker Rooney: Stay away from South. My sister might have a crush on you, but I will CRUSH YOU!
- [after swiping "the key of power" from Joey]
- Artie Smalls: Never underestimate a ginger! We have paprika in our blood!