- Manny Delgado: I don't see why you're so excited about this restaurant.
- Jay Pritchett: It took me six weeks to get this reservation. They're supposed to have this Australian beef that's supposed to be great.
- Manny Delgado: That can't be great for your heart health.
- Jay Pritchett: They feed it nothing but alfalfa, barley and red wine, and the chef makes each cut himself, just for me.
- Manny Delgado: Won't the wine make the cow drunk?
- Jay Pritchett: It's not The Far Side, the cow's not driving anywhere.
- Phil Dunphy: See? They don't let Manny home alone.
- Jay Pritchett: Actually, we leave Manny alone all the time. Sometimes he makes cupcakes, which I could use one about now, or a potato.
- Phil Dunphy: Stick around if you want to see your mom's tongue fall out of her mouth.
- Haley Dunphy: Not unless you want to see my lunch fall out of mine.
- Phil Dunphy: If he's old enough to watch The Walking Dead with me...
- Claire Dunphy: He's not.
- Phil Dunphy: ...he's old enough to stay home alone.
- Claire Dunphy: He's not.
- Phil Dunphy: Come on, he's not a child anymore.
- [Luke falls from leaning on the stool]
- Luke Dunphy: I'm fine!
- Phil Dunphy: See how deep his voice is?
- [Claire leaves, Phil rushes to Luke]
- Phil Dunphy: Are you okay?
- Lily Tucker-Pritchett: Fasten your seatbelts, it's going to be a crazy night.
- Cameron Tucker: No, honey, it's going to be a bumpy night. Remember, you can't have two dads, and make that mistake. Bumpy night.
- Phil Dunphy: What are you doing?
- Claire Dunphy: Making sure our son knows what to do in an emergency.
- [Activates smoke alarm]
- Luke Dunphy: Someone's at the door!
- Phil Dunphy: Your mother's just testing you!
- Luke Dunphy: That's okay, I know what to do! If I hear that I just won't answer it! I'll just hide where no one will find me!
- Mitchell Pritchett: You don't like my Oxfords?
- Cameron Tucker: I'm sorry. They're fine.
- Mitchell Pritchett: Thank you.
- Cameron Tucker: ...for a small town detective.
- Phil Dunphy: Do you like my suit? You didn't say anything other than it's too tight and not in a cool black way.
- Jay Pritchett: Gloria!
- Gloria Delgado-Pritchett: What?
- Jay Pritchett: I think the new earrings are really gonna tie your whole outfit together.
- Gloria Delgado-Pritchett: You're so sweet!
- Manny Delgado: Wow. That was very mature of you.
- Jay Pritchett: Yeah, well, I'm a lot older now than when she started getting dressed.
- Jay Pritchett: They even played my favorite song.
- [Midnight train to Georgia]
- Jay Pritchett: A train I'd never make unless I told Gloria it left at 11:00.
- Jay Pritchett: Last night I had the best meal I ever had in my life, and it couldn't have happened if Gloria hadn't had us kicked out of that snooty restaurant.