Community (TV Series)
Cooperative Polygraphy (2014)
Gillian Jacobs: Britta Perry
Photos
Quotes
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Jeff Winger : I know what Pierce is referring to. I have a box of "forgotten items" in my apartment. I happen to be a single male. Visitors leave things.
Mr. Stone : Is one of your trophies a pair of Ms. Perry's panties?
Britta Perry : [gasps] You told me a hawk stole them! You exploited me, and made me believe in a slightly more magical world!
Abed Nadir : If you want to collect women's underwear, can't you just buy them?
Jeff Winger : They have to be won in battle.
Annie Edison : Ugh! Gross!
Shirley Bennett : [simultaneously] Jeffrey!
Troy Barnes : Awesome.
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Mr. Stone : [Reading Pierce's will] "To Miss Perry, I leave my iPod Nano filled with music to take life less seriously by."
Britta Perry : Oh, that's nice.
Mr. Stone : "I also leave you this liquid nitrogen cooled cylinder of my hyper-virile sperm in case your lesbian lifestyle one day wears out and you wish to raise an army of geniuses."
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Mr. Stone : [the group is taking lie detector tests] You can quit anytime you like, but it should be noted that Mr. Hawthorne's estate is worth over $20,000,000, and only those cleared of his murder can receive their bequeathments.
Jeff Winger : I'm only gonna say this once. Clearly, Pierce is trying to lure us into a labyrinth of emotional manipulation and strategic instigation. And I think we're all smart enough to know we should quit while we're not ahead.
Shirley Bennett : I do believe we should...
Annie Edison : Yes, definitely.
Troy Barnes : Absolutely.
Abed Nadir : Yep.
Britta Perry : Uh huh.
Mara : They're all lying.
Shirley Bennett : We all know that, ya judgemental bitch!
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Britta Perry : Yeah, well, if I wanted the government in my uterus I'd fill it with oil and Hispanic voters.
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Mr. Stone : Shirley, did you know that Britta was high on marijuana at your son's baptism?
Shirley Bennett : [Annoyed] I'm sorry?
Britta Perry : Well, no higher than usual.
Mara : Not true.
Shirley Bennett : You did drugs in my church?
Britta Perry : No, I did drugs in the parking lot of your church. How else do you expect somebody to sit through something like that? At least with a bris there's an element of suspense.
Shirley Bennett : Well, next time, I'll have Cheech and Chong do the warm-up!
Jeff Winger : Guys, these questions are obviously designed to turn us against each other. If we want to beat Pierce at his game, we have to own up to our mistakes and forgive each other.
Mr. Stone : Mr. Winger, is it true that you keep trophies of your sexual conquests?
Jeff Winger : In a church, Britta? For shame. It's where Jesus gets his mail.
