- Luke Dunphy: You gotta switch places with me.
- Manny Delgado: What? You can't do that!
- Luke Dunphy: Come on, they're twins. They'll never notice.
- Manny Delgado: You realize *we're* not twins, right?
- Dr. Clark: You mind if we try something?
- Alex Dunphy: What?
- Dr. Clark: Just do me a favor. Take a deep breath. Great. Now... what's on your mind?
- Alex Dunphy: Well... I just remembered that I forgot to charge my computer before I left, and that I have to get new index cards before Monday. Hopefully they don't run out of the blue ones, because, for some reason, those help me study better. Maybe it's because they're easier to read or maybe my prescription's getting worse. I should probably make an appointment with the eye doctor. Also, should I get a job this summer or would an internship look better on my application? And what is up with Hillary? Is she going to run or not? I mean, I feel like she'd totally understand the feeling of being overwhelmed, but also like you're not doing enough at the same time.
- Dr. Clark: [stares] Wow.
- Manny Delgado: It's Junior Congress. Only one child per school gets to attend. I think I can really make a difference.
- Jay Pritchett: Regular Congress can't even make a difference.
- Alex Dunphy: There's a sixteen-year-old science prodigy studying cancer at John Hopkins, and what am I doing? Eating cake! Cake, cake cake!
- Manny Delgado: I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say we're with the wrong people.
- Luke Dunphy: Let's just switch dates and get this party started.
- Piper: What? We don't want to switch!
- Zoe: [to Luke] Yeah. I'm not attracted to you.
- Piper: [to Manny] And I'm not attracted to you.
- Luke Dunphy: Wait a minute. We like all the same things, but you don't think I'm cute?
- Zoe: I've got a thing for Latin men.
- Piper: I like 'em dumb.
- Luke Dunphy: Ugh! Well, that's just offensive.
- Manny Delgado: And shallow. Just because we're guys doesn't mean we don't have feelings.
- Luke Dunphy: Yeah! I don't feel good about this. It makes me feel... bad.
- Manny Delgado: Come on, Luke. Let's get out of here.
- Piper: Our parents aren't home. If you want, we'll make out with you.
- [cut to the interview segment]
- Manny Delgado: I'm not proud of what happened next.
- Luke Dunphy: [grinning ear to ear] I am!
- Phil Dunphy: You can't go in there.
- Jay Pritchett: Why not?
- Phil Dunphy: That's the teachers lounge. It's for teachers only.
- Jay Pritchett: You're a teacher. Right now you're teaching me how to be a little bitch.