The Big Bang Theory (TV Series)
The Cooper Extraction (2013)
Jim Parsons: Sheldon Cooper
Quotes
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Amy Farrah Fowler : I missed you.
Sheldon Cooper : To quote Han Solo - I know.
Amy Farrah Fowler : Did you miss me?
Sheldon Cooper : I would have preferred to have you there with me.
Amy Farrah Fowler : Awww.
Sheldon Cooper : Or instead of me.
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Sheldon Cooper : I'm on my way out.
Leonard Hofstadter : Where?
Sheldon Cooper : Texas.
Amy Farrah Fowler : Right now? Why?
Leonard Hofstadter : Someone sick?
Sheldon Cooper : Yes. My sister's uterus came down with a baby.
Penny : Oh, she's pregnant? That's great; you're going to be an uncle. Uncle Sheldon.
Sheldon Cooper : No, I will be Uncle Dr. Cooper.
Amy Farrah Fowler : How come you never said she was pregnant?
Sheldon Cooper : I never told you about my brother's kidney stone. You want to hear about everything that comes out of my family's genitals?
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Sheldon Cooper : The second I go out of town you throw a Christmas party without me?
Amy Farrah Fowler : Yeah, kinda.
Sheldon Cooper : That's so thoughtful. You guys are the best.
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Mary Cooper : Sheldon Lee Cooper. You get back in this room right now. And bring a mop.
Sheldon Cooper : Did you hear that? A mop. I have two PhD's yet somehow I'm the janitor of my sister's birth canal.
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Sheldon Cooper : She chose to have a home birth because she wants to live in the stone age and a cave wasn't available.
Raj Koothrappali : You know, many people believe that home births are better because the mother is in a warm, comfortable environment where she can be nurtured by loved ones.
Sheldon Cooper : And turn the bedroom floor into an amniotic Slip n' Slide.
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Bernadette Rostenkowski : Now, I was thinking. Without Sheldon, most of us would have never met, but Penny would have still live across from him.
Amy Farrah Fowler : And with Leonard out of the picture, we all know what that would mean.
Penny : We do?
Penny : [Sheldon is sorting laundry and Penny enters in Amy's fantasy] Hey, Sheldon.
Sheldon Cooper : Hello.
Penny : [seductively] Doing laundry?
Sheldon Cooper : Of course I'm doing laundry. Saturday night is laundry night and I'm in a laundry room, so... I believe your inference is justified.
Penny : Oh, my inference is justified. Sheldon, you are so funny, Anyway, I need to do my laundry, too, because these clothes are so dirty. Almost as dirty as the dirty girl who's wearing them.
Penny : [Listening to the story] OK, that's enough.
Leonard Hofstadter : Disagree.
Raj Koothrappali : keep going.
Penny : [Standing in her bra] So. What do you think?
Sheldon Cooper : A tad asymmetrical, but nothing to be concerned about.
Penny : Please, Sheldon, I need you.
Sheldon Cooper : To... what?
Penny : To take me.
Sheldon Cooper : I'm not taking you anywhere till you put on a shirt.
Penny : Come on, Sheldon. You and me, right here.
Sheldon Cooper : Penny, for the thousandth time. I'm saving myself for someone special. Perhaps a cute bespectacled neuroscientist with hair the color of mud.
Penny : I think I know how to change your mind.
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Amy Farrah Fowler : Hi, Sheldon. Everything OK?
Sheldon Cooper : No, it's not. I've seen things. Lady things.
Amy Farrah Fowler : Listen to me. That is *not* the way they usually look.
Sheldon Cooper : It doesn't matter. It is no way to make new humans. People coming out of people. Some kind of dirty magic show.
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Sheldon Cooper : [about his nephew] That baby is so irritating, he's literally been crying his entire life
Howard Wolowitz : Already taking after his Uncle Shelly
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Amy Farrah Fowler : Did you hold the baby?
Sheldon Cooper : I did.
Amy Farrah Fowler : And... how did it make you feel?
Sheldon Cooper : Looking into the blank, innocent eyes of a creature that couldn't begin to comprehend anything I was saying? Basically just another day at the office.
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Amy Farrah Fowler : Can I give you a ride to the airport?
Sheldon Cooper : Oh, no, thank you; I don't want to be an inconvenience. Chop chop, Leonard; we leave in ten minutes.