- Erlich: There's been some developments. You know how I fucked Melcher's old wife? I fucked his new wife too.
- Richard: What?
- Erlich: Don't worry, he's not gonna find out. I left way before he got back last night, and I didn't go back this morning until twenty minutes after he'd left.
- Gilfoyle: You went back?
- Dinesh: How many times did you fuck this woman?
- Erlich: The old wife or the new wife?
- Dinesh: The new wife.
- Erlich: Last night or this morning?
- Richard: Erlich, what were you thinking? This is kind of a big day today.
- Erlich: Relax, he's not gonna find out. She's not gonna tell him.
- Dinesh: How the fuck do you know that?
- Erlich: She'd have to be crazy to tell him, and I asked her point blank if she was crazy and she swore to me no, she's not crazy.
- Richard: Did I put your picture up on the big screen in the auditorium? Yes, but that was to prove a point to my friends that I'm not obsessed with you!
- Erlich: Friday, the pool cleaner comes. Do you understand?
- Jian Yang: Yes.
- Erlich: And tomorrow is trash day so make sure all the cans are out front.
- Jian Yang: Yes.
- Erlich: Now, you are under no circumstances to order any movie on demand, adult or otherwise.
- Jian Yang: Yes.
- Erlich: OK, has anything that I've just said confused you?
- Jian Yang: Yes.
- Erlich: Goddamn it!