Christmas Cruelty! (2013)

Raymond Talberg: Boybandreka

Quotes 

• Boybandreka : Can I take your picture? So I may show Santa what I want for Christmas.

  Eline : I think you should put something else on your list. Perhaps something a bit more realistic.

  Boybandreka : It's not exactly unrealistic! So if a big fat man comes through your bedroom window and puts you in a bag, don't be alarmed. It's just Santa picking up my present.

• Boybandreka : You're so incredibly sweet! I get cavities just from looking at you.

  Eline : Nobody wants a toothache. So I suggest you go look at something else.

  Boybandreka : No need to play hard to get. I know you want me. Why don't you come home with me? And I'll suck on your ears.

  Magne : Hey! Get the fuck out of here. And go find something else to suck on.

  Boybandreka : Stay out of this, Magne! This is between me and... Miss Lovely. Fuck off!

  Magne : She's obviously not interested. Stop pestering her.

  Boybandreka : And if I don't?

• Magne : He's not exactly the sharpest spoon in the drawer. Christine speaks about her struggle with anorexia and eating disorders. Then this fucking birdbrain says: "Luckily there is no disorder when I eat!"

  Per-Ingvar : Tell us about the...

  Eline : Did you know that over 47 000 people under 18 have eating disorders? With bulimia only 6 %...

  Magne : Who was that?

  Per-Ingvar : The Boyband Shrimp.

  Magne : Why the hell did you let him in?

  Per-Ingvar : He wanted to come in.

  Magne : The Boyband Shrimp, for fuck's sake! That's why you have that fucking opener, so you don't have to let every piece of shit in your appartment. You don't need a lock. Just a fucking curtain!

  Boybandreka : Hello, babe! Did you miss me?

  Eline : Not really.

  Magne : You're an intolerable, annoying, no good shithorse.

  Boybandreka : Yeah right!

  Magne : Do you know what that cocksucker and his cheese dick friends did to Per-Ingvar at school?

  Eline : No.

  Magne : They used to break his bones.

  Boybandreka : Come on, everybody bullied him!

  Magne : But only you put him in the hospital... on purpose.

  Boybandreka : Do you remember when we buried him and his wheelchair in the snow behind the bike shed?

  Magne : Of course. I had to dig him out, like always.

  Boybandreka : It was hilarious! The wheelchair didn't surface until the snow melted. I'm a real bad boy. I'm sure that's something you like.

  Eline : You know what, I think you're a...

  Magne : Cocksucker.

  Eline : Yeah, a cocksucker.

  Magne : I couldn't have said it better. This calls for a celebration! Open this. I'll get the glasses.

  Per-Ingvar : Don't I get to save this for New Year's Either?

  Magne : Fuck no! What the hell did you do?

  Per-Ingvar : It wasn't on purpose.

  Magne : You should have aimed at the fucking Boyband Shrimp instead. You broke his fucking nose, you monkey loaf! Now I have to get him to the ER. Jerk!

  Boybandreka : That was way cool!

  Eline : My god, what an idiot you are. There's something seriously...

• Serial-Santa : Ho-ho-ho! Who's been good this year?

  Boybandreka : I have been good!

  Serial-Santa : Let's see if we can find you a hard present?