- Claire Dunphy: That Brian sure is a cutie, isn't he?
- Phil Dunphy: I'd kill to have those lips. I mean, on me. I mean, I want his lips on my mouth.
- Haley Dunphy: Don't get me wrong, I drink all the time, but A: not with my parents; but also, I know they're up to something, and I can't handle this right now. I barely had ten hours of sleep last night.
- Shorty: You know what I think I'll try down there? Surfing.
- Jay Pritchett: So it's gonna be a closed casket?
- Manny Delgado: I don't get it. You're the Greatest Generation. Why do you push people away?
- Jay Pritchett: Why don't you lock yourself in your room like a normal teenager?
- Gloria Delgado-Pritchett: You act all tough, but I bet you're the most sensitive person in this house.
- Jay Pritchett: Pfft!
- Gloria Delgado-Pritchett: This is what you do! Every time I strike a nerve, you reject it and "pfft!" all over it.
- Jay Pritchett: You just discovered the one thing you can't make sexy.
- Brian: Hi, there. I'll be your server for tonight. My name is Brian if you guys need anything.
- Phil Dunphy: What's your name if we don't need anything?
- Brian: Patricia.