- Manny Delgado: I can't go looking like this! Weddings are where you meet girls.
- Merle Tucker: Not at this one.
- Mitchell Pritchett: My mother can't come to the wedding. She was at a yoga retreat, and she fell out of a warrior pose, and she broke her hip.
- Cameron Tucker: Should we consider the possibility that someone pushed her?
- Mitchell Pritchett: Cam, please. They were a bunch of peace loving hippies who spent two weeks in the rainforest with my mother. Of course someone pushed her!
- Cameron Tucker: There's a wildfire near the venue!
- Pepper Saltzman: Don't panic... The fire is already 28% contained.
- Cameron Tucker: That doesn't sound like a lot.
- Cameron Tucker: [Sal shows up to the wedding heavily pregnant] So, why didn't you tell us?
- Sal: Oh, you know, we just wanted to get through that first trimester before we let the cat out of the bag!
- Pepper Saltzman: When was that, last summer?
- Mitchell Pritchett: So you're how far along now?
- Eddie: About four months, right honey?
- Sal: Yup. Four months. Just about the exact amount of time Eddie and I have been together!
- Ronaldo: I don't understand. Four is this many, yes?
- [holds up four fingers]
- Pepper Saltzman: Si.