Between Two Ferns with Zach Galifianakis (TV Series)

President Barack Obama (2014)

Zach Galifianakis: Self - Host

Photos 

Quotes 

• Zach Galifianakis - Host : So where are you planning on building your presidential library? in Hawaii or in your home country of Kenya? Because both places seem like they would be...

  Barack Obama : That's a ridiculous question

  Zach Galifianakis - Host : I didn't want to bring up the birth certificate, which you never really produce...

  Barack Obama : Where's your birth certificate? Why don't you show it to us right now?

  Zach Galifianakis - Host : don't show anybody my birth certificate because it's embarrassing

  Barack Obama : What's embarrassing about it?

  Zach Galifianakis - Host : My weight, it says on it I was born seven pounds, eight hundred ounces

  Barack Obama : [remains silent] 

  Zach Galifianakis - Host : You know what I would do if I was President Mr. President? I would make same sex divorce illegal then see how bad they want it

  Barack Obama : I think that's why you're not president and that's a good thing

  Zach Galifianakis - Host : You said if you had a son you would not let him play football, what makes you think he would want to play football? What if he was a nerd? Like you

  Barack Obama : Do you think a woman like Michelle would marry a nerd? Why don't you ask her if she thinks I'm a nerd?

  Zach Galifianakis - Host : [surprised]  Could I?

  Barack Obama : No I'm not going to let her near you

  Zach Galifianakis - Host : So do you go to any websites that are dot coms or dot nets or do you mainly stick with dot govs.

  Barack Obama : No actually we go to dot govs. Have you heard of Healthcare.gov?

  Zach Galifianakis - Host : OK let's get this out of the way, what did you come here to plug?

  Barack Obama : Well first of all I think it's fair to say that I wouldn't be here with you if I didn't have something to plug, have you heard of the Affordable Care Act?

  Zach Galifianakis - Host : Oh yeah I've heard about that, that's the thing that doesn't work, why would you get the guy that created "The Zoone" to create your website?

  Barack Obama : Healthcare.gov works great now and millions of Americans have already gotten health care plans and what we want is to people to know that you can get affordable health care and most young Americans right now, they're not covered and the truth is that they can get coverage all for what it'd cost you for you to pay your cell phone bill

  Zach Galifianakis - Host : Is this what you mean by "drones"?

  Barack Obama : The point is that a lot of young people think that they're invincible.

  Zach Galifianakis - Host : Did you say "invisible"? Because I think that's impossible

  Barack Obama : No not "invisible", "invincible" meaning that they don't think that they can't get hurt

• Zach Galifianakis - Host : I'm just saying no one can be invisible

  Barack Obama : I understand that, if they get that health insurance, it can make a difference and they've got until March 31st to sign up

  Zach Galifianakis - Host : I don't have a computer so how would someone like me sign up?

  Barack Obama : Well, you can call one eight hundred, three one eight, two five, nine six

  Zach Galifianakis - Host : [looking down at his notes]  I don't have a phone, I'm off the grid, I don't want you people looking at my texts, do you know what I mean?

  Barack Obama : First of all, nobody's interested in your texts, but second of all you can do it in person and the law means insurers can't discriminate you if you have a preexisting condition

  Zach Galifianakis - Host : [rolls up his left jacket sleeve]  yeah but what about this though?

  Barack Obama : [Looks at his wound and cringes]  That's disgusting, how long have you had it?

  Zach Galifianakis - Host : Just four months

  Barack Obama : Really?

  Zach Galifianakis - Host : Spider bites, I got attacked by spiders

  Barack Obama : You need to get that checked right away, you need to get on healthcare.gov because that's one of the most disgusting things I've ever seen

  Zach Galifianakis - Host : Is your plug finally over?

  Barack Obama : I suppose so

  Zach Galifianakis - Host : So which country will you be rooting for in the winter Olympics?

  Barack Obama : Seriously? I'm the President of the United States, who do you think?

  Zach Galifianakis - Host : I'm going to thank President Obama for being on the show

• Zach Galifianakis - Host : I'm sorry I had to cancel so many times, my mouse pad broke last week and I had to get my great aunt so diabetes shoes

  Barack Obama : It's no problem I have to say when I heard that people actually watch this show I was pretty surprised.

  Zach Galifianakis - Host : [Intentionally ignoring what Obama just said]  Welcome to Between Two Ferns, I'm your host Zach Galifianakis and my guest today is Barack Obama, "president" Barack Obama

  Barack Obama : Good to be with you

  Zach Galifianakis - Host : First question: in 2013 you pardoned the turkey, what do you have planned for 2014?

  Barack Obama : We'll probably pardon another turkey, we do that every thanksgiving, was that the depressing to you? Seeing the one turkey you could eat, out of circulation?

  Zach Galifianakis - Host : [Becoming agitated]  , So how does this work? Did you send ambassador Rodman to North Korea on your behalf? I send somewhere you'd be sending Hulk Hogan to Syria, or is that more of a job for Tonya Harding?

  Barack Obama : He's not our ambassador

  Zach Galifianakis - Host : [Confused]  What we do about North Ikea?

  Barack Obama : Why don't we move on?

  Zach Galifianakis - Host : I have to know, what is it like to be the last black president?

  Barack Obama : Seriously? What's it like for this to be the last time you ever to talk to a president?

  Zach Galifianakis - Host : It must kind of stink though, that you can't run three times

  Barack Obama : Actually I think it's good idea, if I ran a third time, it'd be like doing the third Hangover movie, it didn't work out very well, did it? I have to say I've seen the show before and some of the episodes have been a little better than this one. For examples the one with Bradley Cooper, that was a great episode

  Zach Galifianakis - Host : [Annoyed]  Bradley Cooper...

  Barack Obama : He Kind of carried that movie, didn't he?

  Zach Galifianakis - Host : [Surprised]  Which film were you speaking of?

  Barack Obama : Those Hangover movies, basically he carried them.

  Zach Galifianakis - Host : [Sarcastically]  Yeah, everybody loves Bradley, good for him

  Barack Obama : Good looking guy

  Zach Galifianakis - Host : Being in Hollywood, that's easy, be short and fat and smell like Doritos and try and make it in Hollywood

  Barack Obama : [remains silent] 

  Zach Galifianakis - Host : Is It going to be hard in two years when you're no longer president and people will stop letting you win at basketball?

  Barack Obama : How does it feel to have a three inch "vertical"?

  Zach Galifianakis - Host : Actually it's a three inch "horizontal"