Brad Jones: Cinema Snob

Quotes 

• Cinema Snob : If I look like I am in a bad mood, it's because the movie I picked this week is *another* forgotten John Travolta romance film...

  [Points at the poster of 'Moment by Moment' on the wall behind him] 

  Cinema Snob : ...this time co-starring Olivia Newton-John.

  Olivia Newton-John : [from a clip from 'Grease']  Tell me about it, stud.

  Cinema Snob : I wish I could tell you about it, Olivia, but unfortunately it's not 'Grease' that I'm talking about; I liked *that* movie. Oh no no, I'm talking about the *other* John Travolta - Olivia Newton-John teamup.

  [Clip from "I Think You Might Like It" music video is shown] 

  Cinema Snob : [Surprised]  What in the hell was that? OK, I don't know what *that* was but maybe now I'm glad I am stuck with their 1983 reunion film 'Two of a Kind'.

• Cinema Snob : Don't remember 'Two of a Kind'? It's the one where God wants to destroy the entire world unless angels can prove to him that goodness exists by hooking up John Travolta and Olivia Newton-John! Ha ha ha... WHAT THE FU...?

• [the "Hallelujah" chorus plays over the opening credits] 

  Cinema Snob : Something tells me for how well this movie was received, they should have saved the "Hallelujah" chorus for the end credits.

• Cinema Snob : I can't tell if this is heaven or the opening shootout from 'Insomnia'.

• Cinema Snob : Playing golf with white balls within a cloud of white smoke seems so annoying that I am thinking this may actually be hell!

• God (Gene Hackman) : I think I have to do something drastic. I want to start over.

  Cinema Snob : Oh, come on, the movie just started. Don't give up on it yet, God!

• Cinema Snob : So I guess the God in this prefers the Old Testament God and I don't think that someone contemplating mass murder should be judging someone else for their lack of goodness!

• [Travolta turns the Tv on and sits in a chair beside it] 

  Cinema Snob : I am gonna turn on my TV and sit in a spot where I can't see it. Badass!

• [During a bank robbery] 

  Zack (John Travolta) : Thank you.

  Debbie (Olivia Newton-John) : You're welcome. I am single.

  Cinema Snob : What the fuck? Well, in her defense, she does know that he is rich now.

• Toni Kalem (Terri) : You're home early.

  Debbie (Olivia Newton-John) : I got fired.

  Cinema Snob : Yes, how dare you let that man with a gun rob us? You're fired!

• Cinema Snob : What the fuck? She pulled the switcheroo and stole the money herself? Is the twist halfway through the movie that Norman Bates is gonna stab her in the shower?

• Toni Kalem (Terri) : Why did you get fired this time?

  Debbie (Olivia Newton-John) : I flirted with a bank robber.

  Toni Kalem (Terri) : What?

  [Cut to a scene in Travolta's apartment] 

  Cinema Snob : Wait, why the hell did you cut away from that? I have that question too!

• Cinema Snob : It's rare that I see a movie's ending spoiled BY THE SAME FUCKING MOVIE!

• [the movie starts rewinding and then Oliver Reed appears] 

  Cinema Snob : Wait... OLIVER REED?

  [Beat] 

  Cinema Snob : If I rewind any movie will Oliver Reed magically show up? Because... I kinda want that to happen!

• Cinema Snob : Oliver Reed plays Beasley a.k.a. Satan who can magically make girls appear, already making him more likeable than God!

• Cinema Snob : While the movie wasn't a hit with either critics or the audience, so far I can think of one person who is clearly a fan of it: DANNY BOYLE!

  [Poster of 'A Life Less Ordinary' is shown] 

• [the onscreen action is still rewinding] 

  Cinema Snob : Oh, Goddammit, stop rewinding the movie! Three acts is enough, it does not need an act 1.5!

• Cinema Snob : Does every meet-cute in this movie have to be fucking terrifying?

• [Olivia Newton-John screams upon seeing John Travolta] 

  Cinema Snob : Why is she scared of him now? She was flirting with him earlier!

• Cinema Snob : Every great romance film begins when one character thinks the other is on a mission to murder them. That's why the most romantic movie ever made is 'Vice Squad'!