Rizzoli & Isles (TV Series)

The Best Laid Plans (2014)

Angie Harmon: Jane Rizzoli

Quotes 

• Dr. Maura Isles : Shall we?

  Detective Jane Rizzoli : Not so fast, professor! Why are you trying to get out of teaching this class?

  Dr. Maura Isles : I told you: because of my love and devotion for you about all.

  Detective Jane Rizzoli : No, didn't sell it! What's up?

  Dr. Maura Isles : The department head, he told me that he is so excited about my syllabus that he wants it to be a course of credit.

  Detective Jane Rizzoli : Okay, how is that bad news?

  Dr. Maura Isles : I'll have to give grades! Yet I don't want that burden on my shoulders. I'm still scared over that A-minus biochemistry incident in 1996! I cannot imagine just crushing the spirit of young body minds like that!

• Dr. Maura Isles : [Talking to hairbrush]  Five sigma is fun, but forensics solves crimes. Ah. Five sigma is fun, but forensics solves crimes! Chin up.

  Detective Jane Rizzoli : [Walks in]  I cannot believe what my mother... what you're doing?

  Dr. Maura Isles : [starts brushing, while hiding notes]  89, 90, 91... just ehm, I am doing my usual 100 brushes a day! What does it look like I am doing?

  Detective Jane Rizzoli : It looks like you're singing into your hairbrush practicing for your summer camp talent show.

  Dr. Maura Isles : It's absurd! The camps I went to never had talent shows!

  Detective Jane Rizzoli : What's that

  [picks up notes] 

  Detective Jane Rizzoli : ? Thrombotic... thrombocytopenic. These are the worst lyrics ever!

• Detective Jane Rizzoli : How many times has he called?

  Dr. Maura Isles : By my count: a lot; 27 to be exact.

  Detective Jane Rizzoli : If he hasn't already sent a governors-aid over here to shut you down, he will do so, very soon. So you're almost done?

  Dr. Maura Isles : Eh, yes, I am moving as fast as I can, while still following protocol. I have ruled out seizures due to heart attack, epilepsy, stroke, meningitis, encephalitis or toxoplasmosis. There is one other possibility.

  Detective Jane Rizzoli : And instead testing for that you are buying a gold fish?

  Dr. Maura Isles : No I'm setting up a variation of the pyrogallol test.

• Dr. Maura Isles : Wauw! Wauw! That is... wauw! You see what I mean?

  Detective Jane Rizzoli : I am still grasping. What do the bubbles mean?

  Dr. Maura Isles : Eh, well first of in a kinetic and spectro electronic chemistry...

  Detective Jane Rizzoli : No!

  Dr. Maura Isles : Ehm, the mechanism of redox reaction...

  Detective Jane Rizzoli : No squared!

  Dr. Maura Isles : The release of gas bubbles indicate that there was air in Chelsea's heart.

• Detective Jane Rizzoli : Latin card and a metaphor plant? He could be your soul mate. Or your clone!

  Dr. Maura Isles : The truth is I have been doing a field study on dating for over 10 years and I can no longer ignore the results: there is no Mr. Right out there for me!

  Detective Jane Rizzoli : Maura, come on! Right, you can't look at relationships like they are scientific experiments

  Dr. Maura Isles : The guy with who I had the most amazing sexual chemistry with: a face licker!

  Detective Jane Rizzoli : Yeah.

  Dr. Maura Isles : And the next guy who I had feelings for ended up dead and I was framed for his murder.

  Detective Jane Rizzoli : To be fair: getting murdered was not his fault! For all we know he... he could have been a wonderful boyfriend

  Dr. Maura Isles : And then the guy who said that he wanted my body, he meant it literally, because he was a serial killer who made sculptures out of dead women bodies!

  Detective Jane Rizzoli : Yes that was unfortunate. But would a serial killer send you a romantic metaphor plant?

  Dr. Maura Isles : I am not sure. The nerium oleander has two meanings: it's rare and beautiful and also deadly!

  Detective Jane Rizzoli : Really? You would think a guy would brush up his botany before sending you a tree with mixed messages.

• Angela Rizzoli : So this is a cause for celebration.

  Jane Rizzoli : Why, 'cause we solved the case, but we didn't get the credit?

  Angela Rizzoli : No, because you didn't get fired, and Maura's pretty sure she's not dating a serial killer!

• Jane Rizzoli : Where were you the night she died?

  Larry Rothsburgher : I was... at home, my wife was out of town, so I was by myself.

  Jane Rizzoli : Doing what?

  Larry Rothsburgher : Reading.

  Jane Rizzoli : Reading what?

  Larry Rothsburgher : Proust.

  Vince Korsak : I didn't think anyone still read Proust.

  Jane Rizzoli : Which one of Proust's many books were you reading?

  Larry Rothsburgher : Look, I'm telling you the truth!

  Jane Rizzoli : You have motive, access, and your alibi is not only flimsy, it's kind of pretentious.

• Jane Rizzoli : I've never seen you like this. You're swooning!

  Maura Isles : To swoon is to faint from emotion.

  Jane Rizzoli : I know, but I don't have a word for singing in a sexy voice into your hairbrush.

• Vince Korsak : That would be a good theory, but I just met with Larry, Jr. and his lawyer, and I might have implied that our case is air tight and that Larry, Jr. is two steps away from death row.

  Jane Rizzoli : Massachusetts doesn't have the death penalty.

  Vince Korsak : My point was made. Larry admitted he lied about his alibi to protect his marriage.

  Jane Rizzoli : He was with another woman.

  Vince Korsak : He was being intimate with two other women. And one man. At the same time. And unfortunately, there's video, for our eyes only. Did I say 'ours'? I meant yours.

  [tosses the thumb drive to Frankie] 

  Frankie Rizzoli Jr. : Oh, come on guys, don't do this to me.

  Jane Rizzoli : It's a chain of command thing, Bud. I'm sorry; our hands are tied.

  [Frankie looks at Korsak, who shakes his head. Frankie sighs dejectedly and walks away with the thumb drive] 

• Maura Isles : Oh, and the reason you don't know that is because you've never stayed awake long enough to see one full episode.

  Jane Rizzoli : It's called meditating. It's how I focus; you've never respected that.

  Maura Isles : The puddle of drool makes it hard.

• Maura Isles : He's smart and he's funny, and he may actually be a grownup.

  Jane Rizzoli : [excited]  Seriously?

  Maura Isles : And when I look at him, I picture us having sex, if you get my drift.

  Jane Rizzoli : It'd be impossible not to.