- Superintendent Chalmers: And the bad teacher coming to Springfield Elementary is... May God have mercy on our souls. Everybody pray.
- Principal Skinner: But this is a public school.
- Superintendent Chalmers: I said pray!
- Homer Simpson: Honey, you know I don't like it when you cry at dinner. The pork chops look traumatized, the mashed potatoes can't stand to see you cry, and the kids seem upset.
- Homer Simpson: An anarchic world of free expression!
- Lisa Simpson: Little cars shaped like cupcakes!
- Homer Simpson, Lisa Simpson: I'm home!
- Homer Simpson: Camping is pointless. You take a bath and dress up to drive hours to a place with no showers or laundry. What I'm trying to say is, where's Maggie?
- Mr. Lassen: [as a prison guard] All right you maggots! Lights out! You too, you degenerate freak!
- [to Sideshow Bob, who has a dartboard with Bart's face; Lassen sees it]
- Mr. Lassen: You hate him too?
- Sideshow Bob: With every fiber of what's left of my being.
- Mr. Lassen: We should team up. I can get you out of here.
- Sideshow Bob: A partnership. Who gets to gut him like a pot-bellied salmon?
- Mr. Lassen: I assumed we would take turns.
- Sideshow Bob: No deal!