Jessie (TV Series)

A Close Shave (2015)

Debby Ryan: Jessie Prescott

Quotes 

• Darla Shannon : [Darla, Jessie and Tony are walking back into the Ross penthouse, unable to keep up the charade]  Jessie! You don't seem very excited about my new job!

  Jessie Prescott : [trying to tell her the truth]  Look, Darla, there's no easy way for me to say this, but...

  [tells another lie] 

  Jessie Prescott : Brooks is... a terrible boss! I can't let you work for him!

  Darla Shannon : [shocked]  What?

  [patting Tony's shoulder] 

  Darla Shannon : But he seems like an absolute angel!

  Tony Chiccolini : [to Darla]  Thank you, Darla!

  Jessie Prescott : [to Darla]  Well, he's not.

  [Darla looks at Jessie in shock] 

  Jessie Prescott : He has a horrible memory, lousy taste in art; and cannot follow clear instructions!

  Tony Chiccolini : [to Jessie]  Oh, yeah?

  [to Darla] 

  Tony Chiccolini : Your stepsister can be very ungrateful,

  [looking at Jessie] 

  Tony Chiccolini : even when someone is doing her a huge, *huge* favour!

  Darla Shannon : [to Tony]  She's always been selfish. One time she threw herself down a well just to get attention!

  Jessie Prescott : Yes! Who wouldn't want to be shown on national TV fishing a *leech* out of their *underpants*?

  Darla Shannon : I just felt bad for that poor leech!

  Jessie Prescott : [Jessie is about to launch herself into a catfight with Darla, but Tony restrains her]  Brooks... just tell Darla she can't work for you!

  Darla Shannon : [shocked]  How mean can you be?

  Jessie Prescott : This from the girl who told me that hornets nest was a piñata!

  Darla Shannon : Well, it was full of lots of little surprises!

  [to Tony] 

  Darla Shannon : Brooks, I just hope you got a prenup because you can do a *lot* better!

  Jessie Prescott : [finally had enough of Darla's nastiness]  You know what? That's it! Why am I still trying to impress you? All of our lives, I've been so worried what you think about me; but why should I care what *you* think? I mean, you're *mean* and *petty*! *Cinderella* had nicer stepsisters!

  [storming off to the couch] 

  Darla Shannon : [wondering why Jessie was yelling at her]  What're you babbling about?

  Jessie Prescott : [admitting the truth to Darla]  OK, the truth is; Brooks and I didn't get married!

  Ravi Ross : [Ravi comes out of the screening room relieved]  FINALLY!

  Darla Shannon : [Darla looks at Tony, flirtatiously]  So, Brooks, does that mean you're available?

  Jessie Prescott : [looking at Darla, bluntly]  This isn't Brooks, this is Tony!

  Darla Shannon : [feeling let down]  Tony the doorman?

  Tony Chiccolini : [looks at Darla, smiling]  So you've heard of me!

  Darla Shannon : [looking at Jessie, confused]  So, you made all of this up? What's going on here?

  Jessie Prescott : [admitting the truth]  I *was* engaged to a billionaire named Brooks, but I called it off at the last minute. I didn't want to tell you because even if I didn't get dumped, I knew you would still rub my nose in it.

  Darla Shannon : I don't rub your nose in things! Have I mentioned one word about your pathetic excuse for an acting career?

  Jessie Prescott : Uh, you just did.

  Darla Shannon : Well, you deserved it, because you made me quit my job!

  Jessie Prescott : [feeling bad]  OK, actually, I do feel bad about that. Maybe you could get it back?

  Darla Shannon : [sitting on the couch trying to get her phone out]  Oh, I don't think so. Um, here's the text I sent my boss.

  [showing Ravi, Jessie and Tony the rude text Darla sent her boss] 

  Tony Chiccolini : [reading the text]  Whoa!

  [to Darla] 

  Tony Chiccolini : Are you sure you're not from Jersey?

  Jessie Prescott : [to Darla, sitting on the couch]  Darla, how can I make this up to you?

  Darla Shannon : [to Jessie, about her jewellery]  Well, you can start by giving me that watch.

  [Jessie hands Darla her watch] 

  Darla Shannon : And that necklace.

  [Jessie takes her necklace off and hands it to Darla] 

  Darla Shannon : And those earrings.

  [Darla giggles as Jessie hands her the earrings. Darla gets up off the couch] 

  Darla Shannon : And your shoes.

  [Jessie takes her shoes off] 

  Jessie Prescott : [to Darla, about the shoes]  Wait, but we don't even have the same size feet!

  Darla Shannon : I know! I just need something huge to put all this stuff in!

  [Darla walks out of the apartment and into the elevator] 

  Jessie Prescott : [to Ravi]  Let this be a lesson to you Ravi, lying is never the answer.

  Ravi Ross : Yes. When will I ever learn?

• Ravi Ross : [Jessie and Ravi are in the elevator, and he is trying to convince Jessie to tell her stepsister, Darla the truth about the wedding being called off]  I really think you should just tell Darla you did not get married. After all, you always tell us, "Honesty is the best policy"!

  Jessie Prescott : [Jessie cringes at the thought]  Not with Darla. One time, she took a picture of me in my training bra and put it where everyone can see it.

  Ravi Ross : [gasps]  On the Internet?

  Jessie Prescott : No, on the base water tower!

  [pause] 

  Jessie Prescott : And they said Texas was flat!

  [shrugging] 

  Jessie Prescott : It's not like I'm going to run into *Darla* in New York City!

  Darla Shannon : [Right on cue, the elevator pings into the lobby, and Darla walks into the lobby with her luggage and gasps in shock as she sees Jessie]  Howdy step-sissy!

  Jessie Prescott : [Jessie is shocked to see Darla]  Darla?

  [Darla squeals and hugs her tight] 

  Jessie Prescott : Why doesn't this ever happen when I mention Channing Tatum?

  Darla Shannon : Jessie, I called you, like, 50 times! Why didn't you pick up? It's not like you have any friends keeping you busy!

  Jessie Prescott : [looking at Darla]  Well, with enemies like *you*; who *needs* friends!

  Ravi Ross : [to Jessie, quietly]  Good one, Jessie!

  Jessie Prescott : [to Ravi, quietly]  Thanks.

  Darla Shannon : [looking at Ravi]  Hi there! Who's this little fella?

  [touching Ravi's nose] 

  Jessie Prescott : [pointing at Ravi to Darla, confused]  That's Ravi! You've already met him!

  [Darla looks at Jessie, confused] 

  Ravi Ross : [trying to refresh Darla's memory to when they were in Texas]  Texas? Your mother's wedding?

  Jessie Prescott : [also remembering Texas]  His giant lizard briefly dated your *dog*?

  Darla Shannon : [now remembering and laughing]  Oh yeah! Of course!

  [laughing, then looking at Ravi] 

  Darla Shannon : That was creepy.

  Jessie Prescott : [to Darla]  Sorry, I missed your calls, Darla! My phone's not working.

  [Just then Darla hears Jessie's phone ringing, and Jessie hums to cover the ringtone] 

  Darla Shannon : [finding Jessie's phone]  Ha!

  [getting her phone out of her bag] 

  Darla Shannon : You can't hear that?

  Jessie Prescott : [grabbing her phone]  Oh, you know what? Sorry. I thought it was the ringing in my head! It's been there since you *threw me down that well*!

  Darla Shannon : Wow! It only took you two *minutes* to bring that up!

  Jessie Prescott : Well, it took two days for them to bring *me* up!

  [trying to close her bag] 

  Jessie Prescott : So, don't you need to be going back to the airport to catch a plane,

  [through gritted teeth] 

  Jessie Prescott : or a flying monkey?

  Darla Shannon : [bringing her suitcase]  Actually, I have a two-night layover and I'm spending all of it with you and your brand new hubby!

  Jessie Prescott : [sarcastically]  Great...

  Ravi Ross : [trying to tell Darla the truth]  Actually the wedding was can...

  Jessie Prescott : [covering Ravi's mouth so she can go through with her lie]  Can..dlelit like a dream!

  Darla Shannon : [Darla notices Jessie without her ring]  Hey! Where's your wedding ring? When you first posted a picture of it, I was like, "Wow! That is so *fake*!"

  Jessie Prescott : Oh, oh, it's real! And it's at a photoshoot. For the cover of BQ Magazine.

  Ravi Ross : [confused]  BQ?

  Jessie Prescott : Bling Quarterly.

  [Ravi groans in pain] 

  Darla Shannon : [not believing Jessie's lies]  Uh-huh.

  [looking around the lobby] 

  Darla Shannon : And where's Brooks?

  [laughs] 

  Darla Shannon : On the cover of IHQ? Imaginary Husband Quarterly?

  Jessie Prescott : That's ridiculous! Whoever heard of *that* magazine?

  Darla Shannon : Sweetie, Brooks doesn't exist, does he? You just made him up so you can feel special, just like you made up having a Valentine, every year!

  Jessie Prescott : [to Darla, angry]  Hey! Dads count!

  [noticing Tony come into the lobby] 

  Jessie Prescott : And, BTW, here comes my hunky husband now!

  [introducing Darla to Tony as "Brooks"] 

  Jessie Prescott : Darla,

  [putting her hand on Tony's chest] 

  Jessie Prescott : meet Brooks!

  Ravi Ross : [to himself]  Doo-doo; meet fan.