Expiration Date (I) (2014)
Ashly Burch: Miss Pauling, Fried chicken tramp
Photos
Quotes
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[last lines]
Scout : So yeah, Miss Pauling. I guess it's a date.
Miss Pauling : Actually this is my only day off this year.
Scout : Oh...
Miss Pauling : Oh, but you can ride along with me on some jobs.
[brings out a flip notebook]
Miss Pauling : Tomorrow... I'm belt sanding the fingerprints off a pile of corpses.
Scout : Ah, no.
Miss Pauling : Oh! You can help me yank the molars out of a box full of heads.
Scout : No to that.
Miss Pauling : Well, on Friday I've got to kill someone who pressed a briefcase alarm button and... oh, uh
[Cut to black]
Miss Pauling : You're already going to be at that one.
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Scout : [while everyone is fighting a giant bread monster that came from Soldier's teleporting of bread] Hey, Miss Pauling. Oh, I am so sorry...
Miss Pauling : [Looking up from the wires of a bomb cart she is trying to program] God, Scout, what for? Pressing the one button you're never supposed to press? Do you have any idea what's in a briefcase that -
[she spots the watch on Scout's arm]
Miss Pauling : - Oh, oh! Give me your watch!
[She holds her hand out expectantly]
Scout : Yeah. Exactly!
[he gives her the watch]
Scout : See, that is where this all starts! No, actually, wait...
Soldier : [he is interrupted by the Soldier screaming and landing nearby them]
[proudly]
Soldier : HA HA HA! I TELEPORTED BREAD!
Scout : [the Soldier is grabbed by one of the monster's tentacles and dragged away] ... so that brings me to the point of this story, which is I like you, and you should probably be sitting for this...
Miss Pauling : GUYS! CLOSE THE BLAST DOORS!
Scout : Miss Pauling. Look, my last few hours I just wanted...
Heavy : [Struggling to keep the blast doors open for them to escape through] COME ON!
Scout : Um, never mind...
Miss Pauling : RUN!
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Scout : [struggling after they've been "eaten" by the bread monster] Aaahhhh... Ah... Miss Pauling, you all right?
Miss Pauling : [opening her eyes] I can't feel anything below my neck...
Scout : Oh God...
Miss Pauling : Oh. Now I can feel it. Ow. Ow.
Scout : Oh God, I am so sorry. This is...
Miss Pauling : That... was so... much... FUN!
[a smile forms on her face]
Scout : [a look of confusion on his face] You're not mad?
Miss Pauling : [quickly] I was furious. Oh my God, you set off the briefcase alarm and you were having a prom for some reason. But then there was this monster and we shot it and we built a bomb and I think my leg's broken. Can we do this again?
Scout : Yeah, sure!
[He smiles, but frowns upon remembering about the "death watches" they were all given]
Scout : Wait, nah. We can't. I'm going to be dead.
Miss Pauling : [Confused] Wait, what?
Soldier : [poking his head into the cavity] Good news! We're not dying! We are going to live forever!
Medic : [the Heavy opens up a side of the dead bread monster, letting light in] I didn't say that! I just said we're not filled with tumors!
Scout : Oh thank God.
[relaxes and chuckles]