- Dean Winchester: [Pointing to the actors portraying Dean and Castiel] What are they doing?
- Marie: Ummm. Kids these days call it hugging.
- Dean Winchester: Is that in the show?
- Marie: Oh. No. Siobhan and Kristen are a couple in real life. Although we do explore the nature of Destiel in act two.
- Dean Winchester: Sorry. What?
- Marie: Oh, it's just subtext. But... then again, you know, you can't spell subtext without... S-E-X.
- [after that sinks in, Dean looks hard into the camera, breaking the fourth wall]
- Sam Winchester: I don't understand.
- Dean Winchester: Me neither.
- Sam Winchester: I mean, shouldn't it be *Dea*stiel?
- Dean Winchester: Really? That's your issue with this?
- Sam Winchester: No. Of course, it's not my issue. You know... how about... Sastiel? Samstiel?
- Dean Winchester: Okay. Alright. You know what? You're gonna do that thing... where you just shut the hell up. Forever.
- Sam Winchester: [Chuckles, then...] Look. Man, no EMF, no hex bags. None of the props are even remotely hinky. Other than the Charlie Kaufman of it all, I got nothin'. You?
- Dean Winchester: No, Miss Chandler's office was just a pile of empty bottles and regret. She's probably face down in a bar somewhere. Or a ditch. Alright, so what? This, this whole... this whole musical thing, everything, it's just... is it... It's all a coincidence? There is no case?
- Sam Winchester: Unless you're seein' somethin' I'm not. No, Dean, there's no case here.
- Dean Winchester: [Upset, but resigned to Sam's logic] Okay.
- [He walks around the car to get in while Sam gets a thoughtful look on his face]
- Sam Winchester: [Turns to Dean as a thought occurs] Casdean?
- Dean Winchester: Shut your face! Get in the car!
- Dean Winchester: [Pointing to the two girls playing Sam and Dean, leaning against the car] What are they doin'?
- Marie: Oh, uh... they're rehearsing the BM scene.
- Dean Winchester: The bowel movement scene?
- Marie: No! The boy melodrama scene.
- [At his confused look]
- Marie: You know, the scene where the boys get together, and they're, they're driving or leaning against Baby... drinking a beer... sharing their feelings...
- [Her voice softens]
- Marie: The two of them. Alone. But together. Bonded. United. The power of their...
- Dean Winchester: Why are they standing so close together?
- Marie: Uh... reasons.
- Dean Winchester: You know they're *brothers*... right?
- Marie: Well, duh. But... subtext.
- Dean Winchester: [to the two actors in his menacing voice] Why don't you take a sub step back there, ladies?
- Dean Winchester: [Deeply insulted] There is no singing in Supernatural.
- Maeve: Well, this is Marie's interpretation...
- Dean Winchester: Aha! Well... I mean, if there was singing, you know, and that's a big if. *If* there was singing, it would be classic rock! Not this... Andrew Floyd Webber *crap*!
- Sam Winchester: [Under his breath to Dean] Andrew Lloyd Webber.
- Dean Winchester: What?
- Marie: [Proudly] Well, you know, we do sing a cover of Carry On Wayward Son in the second act.
- Dean Winchester: [Only slightly mollified] Oh.
- Sam Winchester: Really?
- Dean Winchester, Marie: [to Sam in unison] It's a classic!
- Sam Winchester: I was a theater kid.
- Dean Winchester: Barely. You did "Our Town", which was cool, but then you did that crappy musical.
- Sam Winchester: That - "Oklahoma"? Hugh Jackman got cast off "Oklahoma".
- Dean Winchester: You ran tech, Wolverine.
- Dean Winchester: I'm gonna throw up.
- Sam Winchester: [Looking around, smiling, charmed with the high school atmosphere] I mean, I gotta say, it's kinda charming. The, the production value and the at-
- [Turning back to Dean and the stone cold look on his face]
- Sam Winchester: No? N- no.
- [Clears his throat and plasters a serious, disapproving look on his own face]
- Sam Winchester: I'm gonna check for EMF. You, you... look for, uh, cursed objects.
- Marie: [Referring to the missing drama teacher] She had a nasty divorce last year. Most of the time she's sipping on her, uh... grown up juice, or passed out. Usually in that order.
- Dean Winchester: Yeah, well, I don't blame her. I'm gonna need 50 jello shots and a hose down to get this stink off me.
- [Surprised when Maeve makes a threatening move toward him]
- Sam Winchester: [Unsettled after seeing two actors portraying them and showing fake FBI badges] I'm, uh, Special Agent Smith. This is my partner, Special Agent...
- Dean Winchester: Smith.
- Sam Winchester: Smith. No relation.
- Dean Winchester: There is no space in "Supernatural."
- Marie: Well, not canonically, no, but this is transformative fiction.
- Dean Winchester: You mean fan fiction.
- Marie: Call it whatever you like, okay? It's inspired by Carver Edlund's books... with a few embellishments.
- Dean Winchester: Sam. Out there, hunting. It's the only normal I know.
- [POV from Baby's trunk, reminiscent of a similar scene in the Supernatural pilot]
- Dean Winchester: We got work to do.
- [Dean drops the shot gun inside and closes the trunk lid]
- Dean Winchester: Tonight it is all about Marie's vision. This is Marie's "Supernatural." So I want you to get out there, and I want you to stand as close as she wants you to, and I want you to put as much sub into that text as you possibly can. There is no other road, no other way, no day... but today.
- Maeve: [Whispers] Did he just quote "Rent"?
- Marie: Not enough to get us in trouble.
- Dean Winchester: Alright, Shakespeare. You know that I can actually tell you what really happened with Sam and Dean. A friend of mine hooked me up with the unpublished-unpublished books. So, Sam came back from Hell, but without his soul, and Cas brought in a bunch of Leviathans from Purgatory. They lost Bobby, and then Cas and Dean got stuck in Purgatory... Sam hit a dog. Uh, they met a prophet named Kevin; they lost him too. Then Sam underwent a series of trials in an attempt to close the Gates of Hell, which nearly cost him his life. And Dean... he became a demon.
- [Slightly proudly]
- Dean Winchester: A Knight of Hell actually.
- Marie: Wow.
- Dean Winchester: Yup.
- Marie: [laughing] That is some of the worst fan-fiction I have ever heard. I mean, seriously, where did your friend find this garbage? And not saying that ours is a masterpiece or anything, but jeez. I'll have to send you some links later.
- Sam Winchester: So, why this story, huh? Why "Supernatural"?
- Calliope: "Supernatural" has everything. Life, death, resurrection, redemption. The stake. But above all... Family. All set to music you can really tap your toe to.
- Dean Winchester: All right, listen up, girls, now, I know you're all here because you love "Supernatural".
- Tammy: Actually, I was hoping we'd do "Wicked."
- Dean Winchester: Yeah, that'd have been easier.
- Marie: As you know, Chuck stopped writing after "Swan Song." I just... I couldn't leave it the way that it was. I mean, Dean not hunting anymore, Living with *Lisa*, Sam somehow back from Hell but not with Dean? So, um, I wrote my own ending.
- Dean Winchester: You wrote your own ending... with...
- [Holds up prop]
- Dean Winchester: Spaceships?
- Marie: And robots and some ninjas. And then Dean becomes a woman.
- [Dean makes a face]
- Marie: It-- it's just for a few scenes.
- Sam Winchester: [Looking at actors] Where's Chuck?
- Marie: Oh, I love him. I do. But, honestly, the whole "author inserting themselves into the narrative" thing, it's just not my favorite. I kind of hate the meta stories.
- Sam Winchester, Dean Winchester: Me too.
- Mrs. Chandler: I have had three weeks of this crap show, and I am done. There is too much drama in the drama department.
- Sam Winchester: Don't you have to wait until the vision has been realized?
- Calliope: [Chuckles] Oh, Gods. If I have to sit through that second act one more time... There's robots and tentacles in space. I can't even.
- Sam Winchester: Calliope manifests creatures from the stories she's tuned into.
- Marie: So... The scarecrow is still alive and we burned my prop for NOTHING?
- Dean Winchester: Oh, that thing needed to burn.
- Marie: [about the "Samulet"] You never should've thrown this away.
- Dean Winchester: It never really worked. I don't need a symbol to remind me how I feel about my brother. So..
- Marie: Just take it... Jerk.
- Dean Winchester: Bitch.
- Sam Winchester: [Watching play] What is that?
- Dean Winchester: It's the, uh, the B.M. scene.
- Sam Winchester: [Confused] Bowel-movement scene?
- Dean Winchester: No. Just... Shh.
- Mrs. Chandler: Why couldn't they just do "Godspell," like good little skanks? Instead, it's this awful, unbelievable horror story. Mm! Like that stuff really happens.
- [sighs]
- Mrs. Chandler: Theater is about life, you know? Truth -- truth! Where is the truth in "Supernatural"?
- Marie: It's all real. Ghosts, angels... Demons.
- Maeve: I want to believe.
- Sam Winchester: [Exchanges look with Dean] You should believe. You both should 'cause it is all real. And so are we. I'm Sam Winchester. That's Dean.
- Marie: [the girls stare, then start laughing] Okay. Now, look. I'm willing to accept that monsters are real, but those books... are works of fiction.
- Maeve: And you guys are way too old to be Sam or Dean.
- [Dean looks offended]
- Dean Winchester: You know, this has been... Educational... Seeing the story from your perspective. You keep writing, Shakespeare.
- Marie: Even if it doesn't match how you see it?
- Dean Winchester: I have my version, and you have yours.
- Dean Winchester: A teacher at an all-girls school went missing in Flint, Michigan. She was headed to her car and then disappeared. Nobody's seen her since.
- Sam Winchester: Dean, there's nothing here to even remotely suggest there's a case.
- Dean Winchester: There is nothing there that even remotely suggests there *isn't* a case. Boom!
- Dean Winchester: We came, we saw, we kicked-...
- Sam Winchester: It's not a Tulpa.
- Dean Winchester: What?
- Sam Winchester: It's not a Tulpa.
- Dean Winchester: Say it one more time, but just a little bit more Arnold, you know, like...
- [Does an Arnold Schwarzenegger voice]
- Dean Winchester: It's not a Tul-pa.
- Sam Winchester: lt's not like the "Supernatural" books are tearing up the New York Times best-seller list, and I seriously doubt this play is even sold out.
- Dean Winchester: Hope not.
- Maeve: Thanks for saving my friends.
- Sam Winchester: Sure.
- Maeve: You know, if you cut your hair a little, you'd make a pretty good Dean.
- Marie: [Last lines] Hi. Thank you so much for coming, I know the second act is a little bit wonky and the first act has some issues, but... what did you think?
- Chuck Shurley: Not bad.